Thanksgiving 2008

Has this ever happened to you? You move to the middle of nowhere away from all of your family and friends. You husband works the second shift and can't get holidays off. Well, it's happened to me. This is what I did about it. Today we decided to make an actual Thanksgiving holiday instead of just wallowing in the misery of not having anyone else to share it with. Actually, Zach and I are very happy in each other's company (as I may have mentioned here before) so we were thankful to be together. I made dinner and we ate and celebrated. Now Zach's at work and actually so am I. But I only just got in here a little bit ago.

Here are our Thanksgiving decorations. My Aunt gave them to us. They are cute. We are super festive.


This is the tofurkey getting a bath with some carrots and cranberries. It tastes a lot better than it looks. We went with tofurkey because a whole turkey is too much. I'm not sure I'm a huge fan of turkey anyway. And it's a tradition that Zach remembers from when he didn't eat meat. It was good.


Here are the sides: dinner rolls, gravy and some Cran-Apple Delight (amazing). Not pictured: Au Gratin Potatoes.


Here's where we ate our feast:

You can see the place mats I made. Here's a close-up:


This is what our plates looked like:


Zach shows us how it's done:



Happy Thanksgiving to one and all from your favorite couple:
(This was honestly the least blurry picture of us. Whatever... Also, check out that amazing turkey waddle I've got going on...sigh, damn you Old Man Winter and your pushing me to retain weight.)

PSA: Beware the Single Male

I bring to you tonight a Public Service Announcement* about a problem that is plaguing many couples not only here in the United States, but in the world as a whole (I imagine...yeah, I'm not going to fact check this, but I'm sure this problem is universal). I'm talking, of course, about the Single Male. The Single Male (SM) is a boil on the ass of humanity and has been for years. Use any ointment that you want, that irritation isn't going anywhere.

It's interesting to note that in fact, it is only the Male of the Species Single that is problematic. Single Females are a blessing to relationships everywhere. The Single Female provides a reason for Attached Females to cling more closely to any semblance of a relationship that they have. Case studies have revealed that Single Females cause Attached Females to have thoughts such as these:

"Hmm...Phil doesn't really help out around the house. But you know what? It could be worse. Look at poor Jessica, she's been alone for years. I'm so lucky to even have Phil. You know what? I'm going to bring him another beer, all those chips I put in a bowl for him to eat while he watches football for the 5th straight hour are probably making him thirsty. Yeah, I'm gonna stick this relationship out because the alternative is just bleak."

Single Females are also helpful for driving a Single Male into a relationship often serving as a "surrogate" mate for the SM. The Single Female, often striving for the love and attention that she wants, will act as the perfect mate for the SM. Cooking, cleaning, not complaining, etc. Counterinuitively, this often serves to drive the SM in question into a series of questionable relationships with other SFs who are not as accommodating. Then eventually the SM is an Attached Male.

Single Females therefore are a positive influence on relationships. I'll go so far as to say that they might even be the glue that holds the world together. Thanks, Ladies!

But I digress. While SFs are awesome, Single Males are problematic. Let's consider the impact of SMs in our daily lives. SMs are a threat to all relationships for the following reasons:

First let's consider the SM, Attached Female scenario. As Chris Rock says, "Men don't have platonic friends, at least not on purpose." SMs are essentially just waiting to ruin it for the couple and get in good with the Attached Female.

Even more devastating however is the SM, Attached Male relationship. The SM friend of your spouse/boyfriend/"partner"/whatever is always trying to ruin your relationship. It is the SM that will convince your mate that it is a good idea to stay out until 5 in the morning and not call because "Man, it's gonna be fun". The SM will try to undermine you at every turn, "She wants you to do what now? Put down the toilet seat?? That's just unfair. She's a harpy, dude. A blood-sucking harpy. I mean, great gal though, just wow..." The SM will remind your mate how much "fun" single life was. The SM will take your mate out in an attempt to pick up chicks just to let your mate get a taste of the single life once again. And you know that's just temptation. The SM is the snake and your mate is Eve and damned if you didn't just get thrown out of Eden again. The SM means well. He does. He wants a buddy, a pal, a bowling partner, a friend in times of need. But he often doesn't want the pesky emotional baggage of the female mate. And so he seeks to drive a wedge between the couple so that he can gain what he wants - more time with your mate.

It's hard to blame the SM, he just wants what you want. But you must be vigilantly on guard against the SM or you will soon find yourself as one half of the greatest duo ever (no, not Sigfried and Roy). Here are some warning signs that the SM is moving in on your turf:

1. Calls and/or texts all the time.
2. SM buys lots of expensive gaming systems and always needs someone to play with.
3. SM calls your mate his "wingman"
4. If you can't find your mate, he's always with the SM.

If any of these symptoms start occurring, don't wait! The problem will only get worse the longer that you tolerate it. Ways to combat this problem include**:

1. Nagging
2. Ultimatums
3. Crying
4. Flirting with the SM




*The more you know, the more you grow.
**Disclaimer: None of these tips are likely to work. In fact, they will work in favor of the SM for the most part. SO INSIDIOUS.

All the News That's Fit to Print (where news = rambling)

I currently write this using a pen and steno pad at the main library on campus. As part of my "write for at least 30 minutes a day goal", I am writing a blog entry by hand. My secretary* will type it up later. I don't feel much like transitions or smooth segues, so don't expect a cohesive narrative. It's November 5th, the day after the United States elected a democrat into office. I choose not to get all political , but I think we all pretty much know how we feel about that. So go us.

Also in recent news, I am sitting at a desk in the library on which is written quite the little gem of a "poem". I won't share it here because it's vulgar and might be offensive to a few loyal readers, but if you want to know what it says, email me and I will tell you. But I won't say it out loud because it makes me blush a little. No, who am I kidding? With my swarthy Italian features and coloring- I don't blush- unless I apply it myself "much too noticeably" according to my husband. He's happiest when I don't wear makeup, have my hair in pigtails, oh and I carry the 50 - 60 extra lbs....oh yeah, love is grand.

In still other news, I bought 3 headbands for $5 (total) yesterday. I have, to date, only asked Zach 5 times if I will get lice from wearing them, a personal best. I have however asked him about 40 times if I will get mouth herpes** from the girl who came into my lab to run in my experiment. She had a big mouth herpe sore (you know, scabby/somewhat open/gaping/oozing wound) on her lip - which she touched about 500 milliseconds before I handed here a clipboard, pen and some forms to fill out. I almost jerked back the stuff before she could infect it and told her to get the hell out, but I am almost positive that it would have been against IRB guidelines and I'd be brought up on ethics charges. So I let her do the experiment, then I used alcohol pads to scrub down everything she might have touched, threw away the pen she used, put the clipboard on a shelf to allow the germs to die a slow death on their own and washed my hands approximately 20 times. I really wish I was exaggerating for comic effect, but well, you know me. Later in the day another participant made me shake his hand which also resulted in copious hand washing. Here's the deal: If you don't know me, don't touch me. If you do know me, don't touch me unless all your outbreaks are under control***. I'd basically like to see everyone follow a "hands off" approach to Rose.

In yet more random unrelated news, I have started to use my "book of lists" book in order to...ok...no purpose, but I did start doing it. The author says, "everyone should have an autobiography, here's a way to do it with lists." She has a website as well with a bunch of lists on it. Anyway, I thought I might start posting some of the lists here. I LOVE LISTS! If I had to make a list of things I love, the act of making that list would be on there.

And in that spirit, I bring you - a list of things I am currently thinking:

1. That stupid guy in the tie dye shirt is making a bit too much noise (read: I think he sighed 2 minutes ago) for a library.
2. This floor was deserted, now he's invading my territory.
3. I am very territorial, I wonder why that is.
4. I should have studied social psychology.
5. When the hell is that alarm going to ring so that I know I've written for 30 minutes?
6. Today I've eaten McDonald's chicken biscuit breakfast sandwich and a hash brown and a snickers dark bar. Can you say disorder?
7. Whatever, I made tuna noodle casserole and a really healthy salad this morning for dinner, so that's good.
8. Seriously, how much longer?
9. What will I do when I finish this, I need to do work.
10. I wonder if the wasp in my office will kill the rest of the flies in there and those Asian beetles too.
11. If it does I hope it takes away the bodies. I'm sick of cleaning up fly corpses.
12. No, I'm not kidding. I have buried**** at least 10 flies and there are more in there each day.
13. I think I will go find a nice chair to read in after I am done writing this.
14. I wonder how many people with mouth herpes used this desk.
15. Thank God, the alarm went off and now I have to go wash.


*I am also my secretary, and I am the boss of me.
**Cold sores...they are mouth herpes...look it up.
***Honestly, H., this isn't aimed specifically at you. I love you.
****I don't actually bury them, I just throw them away.