Saturday is College Football Day...Apparently

Today I was going to go to the homecoming game, but I didn't want to walk the 1 mile there and 1 mile back (see how that works? it's physics or something). I didn't want to risk hurting my foot/ankle more. So I didn't go. But I hear it was a good time. Iowa lost though. I'd muster up some disappointment at this outcome, but I'm not really that emotionally invested.

In other sports news, the Cubs are the NL Central Division Champions. That's pretty sweet. Apparently I'm willing to emotionally invest in some sports. Who knew?

Right now I am waiting for Zach to start the movie and shut off the stupid college football that he is watching. I won the rock/paper/scissors contest (rock - for those of you wondering), so he has to get popcorn and iced tea and start the movie at 9 instead of 9:30 or 10:00 which was his previous estimate. I run a tight ship up in here at Casa de Halterman. Not really. I run a ship full of holes, rats and pirates, but again, I digress.

I was planning to write something coherent, some sort of essay. I really think that was my intention earlier, but sadly, I've forgotten what it was that I thought was so profound or possibly entertaining. I'll try to work on that for later.

I took a nap today and it just wiped me out. It was like an anti-nap or something. I woke up and now I'm all tired and groggy. Ah well. I also bought some new bras today. That's probably something that not everyone needs to know. But this is my blog and as I'm probably the only one who reads it with any regularity, I'll share what I want to. The woman in front of me in line was paying with a check. I was sort of unaware that people still used checks. I stopped to think about the purpose of a check. I mean, sure, you can use it to mail in with your monthly bills...although those are on-line now too. I don't know why you ever need to use a check when you are transacting in person. I'm not saying that everything has to be done with a debit card. Cash is cool too. But why, if you have the money in your checking account aren't you just paying with a debit card? Welcome to the 15th Annual Meeting of the Judgemental Whores Club. Sorry, mystery woman. If you want to pay by check, go for it. Who am I to judge?

I also read Dear Abby today. Reading that column unfailingly makes me shocked and awed. It's like that Van Buren woman is staging an offensive against me and it's totally working. I have to believe that these letters are fake. Are there really people out there with such lame problems who can't find a person in their lives to ask? I mean, really. I try not to read it, but sometimes after I finish the comics I still have a little leftover time and my eye wanders. Today there was a letter about a woman who is allergic to cold. She says that she can't eat, drink or breathe anything at a cold temperature for fear that she will die. I just right this minute (now, it was that minute) googled allergy to cold and according to the Mayo Clinic it's possible. Although they didn't mention death. Go ahead, google it yourself, you know you want to. Regardless of what the internet is telling me (All hail the Internet - Keeper of Knowledge) - I still find an allergy to cold hard to believe. Cold is not even a thing. It's a state. How can you be allergic to a state? Except for Florida. I can see being allergic to Florida. OOOOOOHHHHHH BURN!

Ok, I'm out. It's time for the movie and really the whole post was just a set-up for a single joke. Check and check. Good-night.

Dial F for Friday

It's almost the end of the month. That means it's really close to the end of me posting every day. I mean, maybe I still will...but likely not. Are you a tiny bit sadder now? Did some of the light just go out of your eyes? I know, I feel it too. Today I wanted to do something exciting and creative. But then I remembered that we're fresh out. So I decided upon a list of my favorite things. But not just any list. A 26 item list. Because the requirement is that each thing has to start with a letter of the alphabet. I also promise not to spend more than 10 minutes on this because I've got things to do (no, not really). So if you get bored easily. Thanks for stopping by and I'll try to be more entertaining tomorrow (don't count on it). If you are not the faint of heart - read on.

(begin time 3:50 PM)

Alphabet Favorites

Arizona (favorite state)
Birthday (favorite holiday)
Crime drama (favorite tv genre)
Disease (favorite thing to worry about)
Eggs (favorite breakfast food to keep me full)
F***(favorite expletive that makes you sound like a sailor)
Gonzo (favorite muppet)
Happy (favorite feeling, though perhaps not the most frequent)
IPod (favorite ruined item/gift idea)
Jerkwad (favorite insult that's not used enough)
Ken (favorite date for Barbie...I just have nothing on this one for some reason)
Land (favorite thing to stand on)
Me (favorite person to think of)
Narcissist (favorite personality type)
Ocean (favorite body of water)
Purses (favorite item to purchase and use once)
Quilts (favorite thing to think about making as my next craft project)
Rose (favorite person)
Silence (favorite sound next to my own voice)
Tea (Iced - notice the "d" at the end, it's not ice tea - favorite drink in the world)
Uvula (favorite clean word that sounds dirty)
Victory (favorite thing to lord over other people)
Wind (favorite weather condition to hate)
Xylophone (favorite word that starts with X)
Yo-yo (favorite toy that people (read: boys) can use to impress me)
Zach (favorite boyfriend ever)


(End time 4:01 PM)

I was so close to making it in 10 minutes. I didn't have a second hand, so maybe I really did make it. I'd like to think so.

And scene.

Thursday is the day after Wednesday

So in what seems to be a recurring theme here on My Blog is Better Than Your Blog - I have nothing interesting to say. But I still stand by the statement that my blog is better than your blog. Because the bar is really, really low.

I'll give you some random thoughts from the day. It's not exactly riveting, but it is fulfilling the quota and I'm all about just maintaining. No reason to try to excel just reach mediocrity.

Siggy (the iPod) is dead. R.I.P., Siggy, R.I.P. You will be missed. I think he's gone for good this time because well, just trust me, it doesn't bode well for him ever coming back. Oh well, you live, you love, your appliances die, your friends purchase you new appliances to replace the old...you learn to love again. It's the circle of life.

My foot still hurts. It hurts bad. I'm not going to the doctor though. Because as much as everyone thinks I'm a hypochondriac, I'm not. A hypochondriac likes to visit the doctor and "confirm" illness. I hate the doctor and I hate actually knowing if something is wrong with me. I prefer instead to make up wild fantasies in my head and see how they pan out. That's just the way I roll.

The Cubs lost again today. To the Marlins. The Marlins. I'm not going to act like I'm the biggest baseball fan ever, but I love the Cubs and I can't understand how they could lose 3 games to the Marlins...when the Marlins suck ass. And you know what People of Florida? You don't deserve a baseball team because your stadium wasn't even half full. People fill up Wrigley even when the Cubs are in last place. Shame, Floridans, shame. Seriously. Not just for the baseball either. Oooohh, ZING! The blog is politically relevant now. Well, it's politically relevant about 7 years in the past, but it's a start.

I'm watching Reaper right now. I didn't catch the start, but it seems a decent. Directed by Kevin Smith. Who also has a blog. And it's being turned into a book. A real book I guess, people approached him to publish it. Wow...looking back over the punctuation in this paragraph so far is sorta painful. Oh well, I'm pushing through. Anyway, I read a little bit of the blog and no offense, but the parts I read weren't that interesting. He did mention a kid though, so that probably counts for something. I just find it sort of hard to believe that his blog deserves a book. Although if for some reason Kevin Smith you've googled yourself, Kevin Smith and you are reading this Kevin Smith. I thought Mallrats was awesome. Except for Claire Forlani. She didn't seem like she could act her way out of a paper bag...although I've never understood why anyone would need to act themselves out of a paper bag. But I digress. Kevin Smith, your blog is alright, but I think we can all agree, mine's better.

And that's the Rose Show everybody! Goodnight!

Today Was A Good Day*

Today (or tonight rather) I bring you some updates and a story.

So my foot still hurts. It might hurt less than yesterday, but it's hard to tell. I'm too precious to suffer so I don't do it well.

Today I gave a presentation in front of a large group of people. It was only 5 minutes. People told me I did well. I don't know. I'm uber critical of myself, so I'm not a fair judge. I do know that I was talking really, really fast. Partway through I thought, "Man, I am talking way too fast." But by then I had momentum and I just had to plow through. But at least it's done now.

Jesse also mentioned that there is a "service" that will turn your blog into a book. I make you this promise people, if I get the iPod Nano (or similarly awesome gift) for my birthday, the party favors are going to be books. Books of this blog. That's right, that offer just happened. I know, I know, some of you are wetting yourselves now. And those of you who know me are just so excited about the possibility. I know, I know.

I'm currently not dead from eating any broken glass. I'm not sure when the danger will be passed though because I don't know how long it takes glass in your system to kill you. I'm not a doctor. I just play one in my mind.

And now, the story. Zach works at a property management company and he gets to field calls from the tenants. Sometimes they yell at him. Sometimes they ask him annoying questions. And sometimes they just hand him comic gold:

A girl calls up and says, "Um...I have a problem."
"Ok, what can I help you with?"
"I think my oven is broken."
"Uh-huh and what's wrong with it?"
"Well, I turn it on and then it turns itself off and then I have to turn it on higher and then it turns itself off again and then finally I keep turning it up until I can't turn it up any higher and it still shuts itself off."

Do you see where this story is going? Because it's awesome. And if you don't see where this is going then, that's just sad for you. Sad for you and the privileged princess that can't use her oven.

So at this point, Zach has to put her on hold so that he can laugh at her because he can't contain himself any longer.

Zach, "Ok, so um...here's what I think is happening. I think your stove still works. What happens is that the stove is preheating. So it's not actually turning off."
"Huh...um...ok, see I don't cook a lot."

Newsflash, really? Really, you don't cook a lot? I never would have guessed. No, I'm being sarcastic. I would totally have guessed.

"Why don't you try turning it on and putting something in there to cook and if I doesn't cook then you can call us back and I'll send someone out."
"Ok"

He reports that after a little bit, she seemed to feel a little abashed. I think it's awesome that this girl is able to be in an apartment by herself (or with some unlucky roommate) and she doesn't know how an oven works. What kind of special life did she lead that she's never used an oven? Zach said, "What kind of mean nanny, doesn't teach a kid how to work a stove?" It's a good point. We laughed for a long time yesterday when he told me. It's just incredible that she didn't feel that the oven was really, really hot. You'd think by trial-and-error she would have figured out that it was working. I mean, a trained monkey can make a frozen pizza - no offense intended to the trained monkeys reading this blog. I imagine her in the apartment, frozen food in hand, just sitting there hungry and trying to figure out what to do. And finally concluding that maybe it's a KFC kind of night.

Ok, that's it for now. I'm tired and I need to go to sleep.

Good-night.

*I do love me some Ice Cube.

We Interrupt This Malaise to Bring You a Health Update

I know that I'm always saying that I'm going to die. I may not have mentioned it enough on this blog, but allow me to start now. I think I'm going to die. Here's the story:

I was eating lunch. I had a couple of corn tortillas (and yeah, I'm sticking to the story that it was just a couple) and some cucumber slices with ranch dip. I went back downstairs to get another tortilla to dip into the ranch dip...because I was tired off just eating it off my finger (note to roommates: you don't want that dip unless you want my germs...so maybe you do want that dip). So I came back up and sat down at the computer and I felt a little prick on my arm as it brushed my leg, but didn't see anything. Then as I dipped a piece of tortilla in the dip and put it in my mouth I felt a prick on my finger and I saw a tiny sliver of glass in my finger. So I pulled it out and then I spit out the mouth full of food I had and started shrieking.

And now I'm pretty sure I'm going to die. Seriously. What am I going to do? Where did the glass come from? Is it poisonous? Do you think someone is trying to get me to eat ground glass? What would be the motive? I don't have any money. I'm so concerned. I know that you're all doubting me now, but when I wake up dead tomorrow, then who will be sorry?

In other news, my foot hurts. I went for a 1.5 hour walk yesterday. I thought that everything was fine. My feet didn't hurt while I walked or at all yesterday (though to be fair, after I walked, I don't think I moved more than 10 feet all day). But today when I walked to the bus and then to my building, I was limping. My left foot/ankle is killing me. I would have run around screaming about dying from the scary glass now working its way through my veins, but I can't. I just can't. Literally.

I guess only time will tell if I am going to live to post another day.

Greta Garbo Said It Best

I bought a Demetri Martin cd (These are the Jokes) off of iTunes yesterday. It's pretty funny.

He had this joke:

"There are some many board games with so many different titles. Sometimes I feel like they could all be called the same thing- which one of my friends is a competitive a**hole. It's like, tonight we played, Steve."

Sunday Bloody Sunday

So this week's title theme was song titles. 5 points to those of you playing at home. I thought today we'd talk about some more of my shortcomings. Because I don't think we focus on those enough. But then I thought no, you know what? I'm not going to do that. Because this is my blog and not a support group.

Then I realized I have nothing else to talk about. Because my parents said that, "if you can't say anything nice, you shouldn't say anything at all."

Saturday Night's Alright (For Fighting)

I'm tired. It's 2:41 PM on this lazy Saturday and I'm apparently watching football. Not my idea, but every so often I like to throw Zach a bone. That's how you remain Alpha Dog, you gotta be nice.

Anyway, I don't have too much to say right now. So I'll leave you with a few random thoughts-and nothing entertaining- unless you think the random stuff that goes through my head is entertaining. So yeah, I guess I will leave you with something entertaining.

• I went to Spence Fest this morning it's a conference about learning theory. It was awesome for me, so I'm glad I went.
• I proofread a manuscript that it now in press in "Personality and Individual Differences" - it's the work that I did as an undergrad, finally. I'm second author, but I suppose it's nice to be published. My advisor and I just had another paper accepted to Psychological Bulletin and Review....again I'm second author. Eh, it's a start.
• I plan to do absolutely nothing for the rest of the day- I'm so excited.
• Wow. I am seriously sleepy right now. I think I'm out.

Peace.

Friday

I realized today that we are almost into October. I think you all know what that means. My birthday is almost here!! You only have 111 shopping days left! January 10th is almost upon you!

With that in mind I thought I'd do a post about some of the things that I want, so that you can get a jump start on making my dreams come true. Also, a Happy Birthday wish for Mike S.! It's probably rude to talk about your own birthday on someone else's, but I mean, this is MY birthday we are talking about.

Gift Ideas:

1. An 80 GB iPod Classic in Black (new...that's funny to me...it's called the classic, but alas, it's not the same) - $250.00 - I think I know 10 people. Which means, that if each of you just chipped in $25 I could have one of these. Alternatively, for a mere $200 the 8GB iPod Nano in Turquoise because as we all know, turquoise is the new black. And I'll just remind you all now that you can get it engraved. It's not that I don't love the old iPod - because I really, really do. And I think that's why I want another one. I'm afraid Siggy might conk out on my again and it just breaks my heart. I'm currently having such a great time listening. And he's not sick yet, but his battery life is sort of lacking. I just think it might be time for Siggy II...whom I will call Siggy Jr.

Think of the joy that you will be bringing to my heart. And unlike other years in which I just asked for a party and no gifts...all I'm asking for is a gift and no party. How much easier is that than normal? Although I still might want a pastry homage to myself. Because Heidi always makes a super kick ass representation of me in cake form and it just seems wrong to deny the world one of those, doesn't it?

2. Murder She Wrote - any number of the seasons. But I'll tell you right now, you might get a better deal if you just all chip in together and get the iPod.

3. Pure Grace from Philosophy - that's a perfume. It smells pretty good.

4. Gift Certificate to a book store or to iTunes or something such as that.

I think that's about it for gift ideas right now. I hope this doesn't seem like the thinly veiled attempt to ask for an iPod that it is. I'm just saying. There are at least a group of you, that brings your individual cost way down. You don't even have to wrap it.

Happy Thursday I Love You

I bring you only two things today:

1. This is the message (or the best approximation of it I can manage) on the hand dryer in the bathroom: We have installed a pollution free hand dryer that dries hands while getting rid of the need for concern about disease transmitted from towel waste. This system allows you to dry hands without chapping while eliminating towel litter.

It's just like...wow....I never knew that I should be worrying about diseases transmitted from towel litter. I mean, what the hell disease could that be? It's so disturbing. I wanted to take a picture of it for you, but if you know anything about me or have been paying attention - I'm sure you can imagine the incredible amount of stress I have about just going into a public bathroom, let alone carrying in a camera. Oh, I got chills just thinking about it.

2. Siggy, the iPod has risen from the dead. I had a couple of versions of a joke here, but then decided that my mortal soul is probably in enough hot water without further blasphemy, so I leave it you, Gentle Reader, to make your own jokes. I'm just excited because currently the iPod is working again and I love him. It's like an old friend coming home.

Enjoy Thursday, People. We just have to finish today and tomorrow and then we're golden.

Waiting for Wednesday

Today I'm not admitting that I was wrong. I'm just saying that I've stated something in the past that I was convinced of, but now I'm convinced in a different direction. I'm hardly ever wrong, I think over the tenure of our relationship you would know that by now. But sometimes I change my mind. And that's ok. That shows growth as a person. It should be commended.

In the past I may have told you, or emailed you or whined incessantly for an hour about how much I hate the cold, seasons and the chipper attitude with which people from climates with seasons espouse their LOVE of the seasons. Seriously, the "I love (not heart...because that's a symbol that means love people, not a word to be used...seriously) the seasons, the seasons are great." Well, now I sorta have to take back those things I said. Although to say I am taking them back admits defeat and I will NEVER admit defeat. So I guess I need to amend what I've said in the past.

Turns out, I love the change of seasons. I still hate winter. Winter is a bitch mother whelping demon dogs from hell. Winter is the antithesis of all things good. Winter = bad. Additionally, the humidity part of summer can kiss my .......toe. Kiss is humidity. I'm not impressed by you. However, Fall? Spring? Well, wow. Let me tell you. The change of seasons is pretty freaking amazing.

Fall comes at the end of summer. It's right after August - the month where it is both hot and really, really humid. And then suddenly - cool, crisp, non-humid, perfect fall. Not too cold. Not too hot. Sweaters, maybe a little jacket. Cute outfits with tights (not for me, but other people can rock the look). It's awesome. It comes at such a nice time too. Because I'm tired of being hot and uncomfortable. We had a bit of fall last week...and then this week was just like, "screw you, Rose, I'm going to be hot and somewhat muggy." But I think that the fall is coming back. And I am so ready for it. I bought a crock pot. I can make slow cook meals all day and warm the house. I'm so ready for the fall. I can wear a scarf, but I don't HAVE to do it. The leaves change colors and are really pretty, and it's not like winter when all the trees are bare and you just see the world for the bleak wasteland that it is...oh winter, no.

Spring is awesome too because it's like Winter's PR person doing damage control. Winter makes you hate life and nature in general. Unless you are doing winter in Arizona and then winter is super awesome. Winter is the best. Winter in Arizona is like Fall in cold places. But winter in cold places does nothing for the image of nature. It makes you want to pollute and consume resources because what has nature ever given you except the cold depression of winter. But then, just as you think you can't take it any more. Spring. The first buds on the trees. Flowers start to poke their heads up. It's breath-taking. And it feels so good. That's why people worship the renewal of life in the spring because Winter feels like death and then Spring comes and breathes new life into the world. Amazing.

Come back, Fall. I'll be good I promise. Just come back and make it cold enough for me to wear my grandma's sweater and I'll be so happy. Make it crock pot weather, I implore you. And to those of you without the season change - come visit. It's worth the trip.

Ruby Tuesday

Today we will have a discussion of the bus.

I ride the bus everyday to and from work. I'm fine with that for the most part. I like not having to drive or park and the bus runs on corn cobs, so I'm really doing my part for Mama Nature. I like the bus because I don't have to do anything except walk to it and then I'm good to go - the bus driver does all the work. I often compose blog posts on the bust, but most of the time they don't actually make it on the blog. But man, oh man, they are so good in my head. Alas, so often it's much better in my head than the outside world.

I also love the bus because it's a microcosm. It's just like real life, shrunk down and placed in front of me to study, like my own little petri dish of human amoeba. I like to watch the interactions between people. I observe the habits of people. It's fascinating, like a nature program. There's this guy on there who always puts his stuff on the seat next to him, but the bus gets really crowded, so he usually moves it. BUT he only moves it a little bit and he invades the space of the seat next to him with parts of his bag or by leaning over it. So no one - unless they get really desperate- wants to sit near him. It's an awesome technique and I totally admire it.

Another thing I like to do on the bus is make up stories about the people that get on. These stories are based on facts I collect about the people. I'm good at observing things. Zach calls me a "little Jessica Fletcher" because I'm very observant. So I try to guess where people are from and what they are doing going to school at the same time. At the time I ride the bus in the morning it's a bunch of doctors, dentists, nurses, receptionists and students of the listed professions. I can tell because a) they are wearing scrubs b) they have ID cards identifying them. I'm just that brilliant.

So I do like the bus for the most part, but there is something that I don't like about the bus. There are way too many people invading my personal sphere on the bus. I don't think I've ever been on the bus and been able to escape being touched by someone. I'm not into that. Today a dude managed to touch me twice. Back off dude who is caring two duffel bags at 8:00 in the morning for some unknown reason. Stop touching me. It's not cool. People stand too close, sit too close and keep touching me. I don't know where these people have been or what their personal hygiene habits are. I do know that if someone would invent the human-sized hamster ball complete with air system and all necessary facilities that I've been dreaming of, my life would be tons easier. Why do all the stupid ideas (i.e., flow-bee, the clapper, etc.) get invented, but super awesome ideas like a human hamster ball go unrealized?

I'm going to leave you with that thought for the day. Enjoy. Think positive thoughts for me and maybe I can avoid being manhandled on the way home.

Manic Monday

Today I am working from home. That means I am doing double-duty. I'm doing a little school work (well, so far, no school work, but I have big plans) and I'm doing some housework. Thus far, I vacuumed, clean the bathroom floor, did the dishes and started a little something for lunch. I'm going to go grocery shopping (I made a list and planned meals) after Zach gets home with the car. He's going to come home for lunch and then I'll drive him back to work and take the car shopping, etc. So that's my day. I'm a domestic goddess, although I don't do windows. Anyway because of my exciting day, I've only really got time for some random thoughts and I don't have time to segue between them, so I'm putting up some bullet points. Easy way out? Yeah, yeah it is. Deal with it.

• So I mentioned that I cleaned the bathroom floor. Although that's sort of a loose translation of what I did. I don't think the Swiffer Wet Jet is worth it. But maybe I am incorrectly operating it. Anyway, this does have a point and the point is this - am I the only person in this house that can see when things are dirty? Seriously? How the hell is it that no one else is grossed out by the accumulation of hair on the bathroom floor? You know what I'm talking about people, right? Is it just me? I used to think it was Zach or more generally men, but I've got two other females here and neither of them seemed to think it warranted cleaning either. That's cool. I guess I can conclude that it's just me. Not them. Although I can guarantee that my mother and grandmother would be horrified.
• I just came back. I know it's trippy for you because you didn't even know I was gone, but I totally was. I was gone for a long time and now I am back. In my absence I made lunch for Zach, took him back to work, went to two grocery stores and made pesto salad. It was really hard for me because I'm super sleepy. Also, the blender sucks. That made my job a lot harder. It took me an hour and a half to make the pesto. That's a long time. I put away all the groceries too. Eventful time, no?
• Allow me to say a little more about the pesto. I made it from fresh basil and a little bit of Italian parsley that I got from my grandma's garden. We picked it yesterday and took all the leaves off the stalks and bagged it up for the drive home. She also gave me the very tops of some of the basil (where the flowers and seeds are). Zach and I are going to try drying them and planting them in a pot. I have these two cute windows in my room (if I get around to taking pictures, I'll show you) and a plant stands with some pots of herbs would be awesome there. I hope that happens.
• I'm working on my iPod now. The iPod that Jesse and Adam gave me, and I'm sorry, but it was the best present ever. I mean, at least one of the top 10 I have ever received (and if you've given me a gift, just assume it's been in the top 10 and stop being offended). Anyway, the iPod is sick and has been for awhile. I'm hoping that he might be fixed this time. Anyway, he's getting updated again. So we'll see.
• Oh yeah, while I was making pesto I cut my finger on the blade of the blender. Shut up. It happens. I stuck my hand in there to pack in the basil leaves and I hit the blade and it cut me. And I got a little upset because while it didn't start bleeding until later I thought that might be sort of gross (yeah because I have germ problems). Anyway, long story short, it's only Zach and I, so I'm keeping the pesto.
  
• And I say all that to say this - one time my mom was making tapioca pudding for dessert and she was also making something else. I can't remember what else because what I'm about to tell you goes beyond horrifying. So my mom had one of those mandolins (not the instrument, the thing that's a box with a blade on top of it and it slices things super thin). Thing about the mandolin is, it's able to achieve those very thin slices because IT'S REALLY FREAKING SHARP. So she's slicing away and suddenly she cries out. I go into the kitchen and she's holding her hand and gushing blood. A lot. A lot of blood. She basically sliced off the tip of her finger. So now she's getting upset and rightfully so, that had to be super painful. So she asks me what to do. I'm maybe 10 or 11? I start to freak out to because I don't like to see my mom in pain. I'm sure most of you will say I just don't do well in emergencies, but it's really only emergencies where I have something personally vested. The well-being of my mom counts. Anyway, so I get my girl scout book which tells us that she needs to apply pressure and keep it elevated above her heart. So we do that and she sits down and finally after a long time (an hour? more?) it finally stops bleeding enough to put a band-aid on it. And this is the best part. While she's still bleeding a little (she may or may not have had the band-aid on), she decides she should stir the tapioca so it doesn't burn...and she gets a drop of blood in the tapioca. I immediately turn to her and tell her she's gotta throw that out now because that's so gross. And she calmly tells me that's not going to happen. I was beside myself. When my dad came home I made sure that he knew what she had done to the tapioca, but he didn't care he ate it anyway. I soundly refused to even look at the tapioca and to this day I can't eat it.
  

Sunday Afternoon on La My Blog is Better Than Your Blog*

I love that Seurat painting by the way. It's always been one of my favorites. It's awesome. You can check that out on wikipedia. Learn a little something why don't you?

Anyway, here are some pictures from Chicago. I'm the worst at posting pictures, I always, always forget to take them and I often forget to post them. But here you go.

Sara, this blog's for you!


This is Zach and I and J and L on the steps at Millennium Park in Chicago. In front of some sculpture thing.

This is the big silver blob that caught our attention (also at Millennium park) and those are two people in the foreground, who I will name...Ellen and Sam. They are a fictional couple from Michigan who were visiting Chicago for the first time.

This is a sweet garden shot at the park with some of the skyline in the background. Don't you seriously love to look at other people's vacation photos? Most exciting thing ever? Yes.

While in Chicago we went to the Shedd Aquarium, perhaps the greatest place on earth. They have these jellyfish there that are in black tanks with cool lights on them. They say you can't improve on nature, but they are so wrong. You can make jellyfish look even more bad ass than normal if you put them in a tank with some cool lighting. These are one of my favorite things to see. It's really relaxing to watch them.

They have penguins too. The penguins are really cute. Not anywhere near as cute as the sea otters (which we didn't get great pictures of...and I'm not posting a sub par picture because it would detract from the cuteness). Anyway, these are cute too. Pei - this picture is for you!
This is Buckingham Fountain (in the distance- see the big stream of water, yeah, that's it) and J, L, A and I standing around. Pretty sweet. Just so you all can really feel like you were there - at this point I was super tired from walking around for the last 6 hours and I was getting hungry and thirsty. So I was cranky. More cranky than normal...I know...can you even imagine? Well, I'm sure if you've known me for any length of time, you can.
Thanks to Zach for all of the wonderful pictures by the way. This is one that he really liked a lot. It came out pretty cool. That's us crossing the street and heading the place we ate dinner at. It's a pretty nice view of the city.

Finally, here is the newest member of our family. His name is Oliver (Ollie for short) and that's his starfish, Stan. He's a cute sea otter and I love him. Thanks, Zach!!

It was a successful weekend trip. We had a really good time hanging out with the PA people. We also had an awesome time at Grandma's. I didn't want to leave, but alas, the piper has to be paid.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed the pictures and the short narration. I must say I'm really surprised that I actually managed to blog anything today, but I guess I am really great. So that sort of explains it. Plus I'm waiting for the clothes to dry. It takes about 3 hours for that to happen. We need to get the landlord over here to fix it.

Goodnight!


* I know that it's La Grande Jatte, but mine's cute too, right?

Today's Blog is Brought to You by the Letter Adam

So I have his blog on my sidebar which means that you've probably checked out his blog, but today is a special day here at My Blog is Better Than Your Blog. Today I'm not writing anything. I don't have the time. I have things to do. I have to pack, I have to go cash this check from my mom (thanks, Mom!) and I need to do a little bit more work today. So why don't you go read about my mom and how bad ass she is, and, in general how cool Adam and I are. Because Adam and I rock!

Rock...that's another word that I want to bring back. I love that. I say it a lot too. I can't believe it didn't make the list the other day. Wow.

Also the phrase, "Yeah, no"...it's the nice way to tell someone know. I believe Heidi (Hi, Heidi!) started me using this one because when she was working at the Days Inn, people would ask her if there were any rooms left and she'd say, "Um...yeah.....no." Sort of a nice way to let people down.

Ok, seriously, here's the guest blog (unbeknownst to the author):

http://theadhocproject.blogspot.com/

Thursday and the Living's Easy

It's Thursday. That's nice. It means that tomorrow is Friday. That means that I'm going out of town tomorrow. That's fun. I'm going to see Grandma tomorrow and some friends from Pennsylvania. That's right Arizona friends, look at the other people stepping up. Feel free to come visit when you get a chance.

Anyway, as has been evident from the past, oh, I don't know, month's posts, I still got nothing. And you know what? I'm starting not to care. I'm happy with the banality. I'm all about things staying on an even keel. Well, I mean, I'm not personally ever on an even keel, but I assume it would be wonderful. I'm guessing that not having your moods change more often than Lyndsey Lohan's hair color (pop culture reference, yes!) would be nice. But I will probably never know that kind of stability. Sigh. Oh well.

As I was saying, I'm into the routine. I love it. I was thinking about the routine this morning. And I was thinking how comforting it is. It's like church. I find it really comforting that every time you go to church, you do the same things. I haven't been to church in years, except recently when I've gone the last two weeks (one more this month and they've got me), but I still know all the prayers, all the parts of the mass, all the places to stand, sit, kneel. It's cool.

And now I'm getting into my daily routine. Wake up with Zach, make breakfast, pack lunch, take bus, work, take bus, home, make dinner, time with Zach. Do it all over again the next day. It's fun. Sure, there is some variation. Don't get me wrong. Sometimes I go in later, sometimes I go in earlier. I'm just so madcap. And I'm proud of it. Rather than seeing it as heinous that I have to do the same things each day, I take comfort in it.

I like plans, organization, knowing what will happen next. My whole life is one big quest to reduce uncertainty. And I love it. And now I have to go. It's time for the 12:45 hand-washing.

Saturday's Post on Friday

I'm on a little break this weekend because I'm going to Chicago and won't have access to a computer. So I'm going to "phone it in" and do a Saturday blog today. But while I'm changing the timing of this post, I refuse to change the quality.

5 Reasons Why My Blog is Better Than Your Blog

1. I write it.
2. I actually read this blog, unlike so many others.
3. It talks about me.
4. It has pictures of me.
5. It involves my life, my opinions, my thoughts, my feelings, and my emotions.

5 Reasons Why Your Blog (or lack thereof) is Probably Better Than My Blog

1. You care more.
2. Your writing style is conducive to the blog format.
3. You have better content.
4. You have a better rapport with your readers (e.g., they make comments).
5. You're more interesting. Ha, no, just kidding. I'm definitely more interesting.

Maybe when I get back I'll have a super fun post for everyone. Most likely not.

Things to Bring Back

I'm often making lists. I'm not going to apologize for that. I'm cool with it. Today's blog entry will also be in the form of a list. A list of words/phrases/things that I think should be brought back or newly introduced into the vernacular (for those of you not in the know - that's language, baby).

So here are some words/phrases/things that I am working my hardest to bring back (in no particular order):

1. Tight: meaning drunk. Found in 1930s detective novels. It seems classy somehow.
2. Freakshow: As in, "Stop being such a freakshow." It's a good one. I don't know exactly how this got into my vocabulary, but I know that I love it.
3. Uber: a qualifier, to make things more...like, "This class is boring. No, wait, this class is UBER boring."
4. Seriously: Seriously. I use this when I am making a point and I really, seriously mean it.
5. Totally: This means literally. In the literal sense, not the figurative sense that people use it and now has become acceptable. As a protest because people refuse to use literally correctly, I use totally. No, seriously, I totally do that.
6. Buddy: An affectionate term of endearment.
7. Sweet!: This one crept into my everyday speech as well and now, like freakshow, I know about 5 other people who say it regularly. I love to have a positive effect on people.
8. Cracktastic: I need to bring this one back again. It's like a double back. As in, "That girl's outfit was cracktastic. I wish I could wear hot pants and band-aids and still look good."
9. Orgy: (in the British usage) as in, "There's an orgy of violence." At least that's the way Andy heard it used and frankly. That's alright with me. I like orgy as a synonym for "a lot".

Next week's episode: Words/Phrases/Things I'm Trying to Take Out

An Open Letter to My Readers

Dear Readers (I use the term loosely as there is probably only one of you),

Where did all the funny go you are probably asking yourself? Bring back the funny. Well, I'd like nothing more than to do that for you, but I can't. I can't bring the funny back any more than God could bring back...oh wait, that's right...poor analogy. My bad. I'm sorry. I'd like to bring it back, but the conditions have to be just right. You have to romance funny and I'm just not in the mood to put in that much effort right now.

Really, I wish I could help you out, but you're just going to have to go elsewhere. I have 169 pages to read by tomorrow. I have to make dinner and clean up the dishes and then make lunch for tomorrow. I've got a lot on my plate right now. Back off! I just need some space.

Alright, no c'mon, come back. I'm sorry. That was mean. I didn't mean to hurt you. I just get so crazy sometimes. I'll give you some funny. Don't hate me. We can work this out. I love you. It's not you, it's me. It's me.

I'm going to go work on my issues. In the meantime, you can go to these sites and read the funny words of other people. Enjoy!

http://www.deepthoughtsbyjackhandey.com/

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/s/steven_wright.html

http://www.comics.com/comics/getfuzzy/


Love,
Rose

The Power of Positive Thinking

I'm posting now because I will apparently do anything to get out of actually working on this paper that I am supposed to be writing. I *might* even be forced to do some of the reading for my class on Wednesday. That's how desperate I have become to forestall the inevitable. I might even take a walk outside...even though it's windy and raining. Yeah, it's bad.

I am determined to cheer myself up today, so I'm going to write a list (yes! a list!!) of some of the things that are going on now that I should be happy about. So here goes...

1. It's not hot today. Sure, it's sort of windy and it's sort of raining. And yeah, it's really damn dark, but at least it's not hot. And that's a nice change of pace. For some people. I would assume.

2. I'm drinking iced tea. I do love me some iced tea. And even though there's barely room in the fridge for the tea and I can't keep the lemons in the fridge because there's no room for them, at least I have lemons and iced tea. And there are people who can't say that right now. So I feel blessed.

3. While I'm at it, I should also feel blessed that our refrigerator is so packed full of stuff like alcohol (not mine) and cake (which I won't eat and takes up a whole shelf) that I can't fit everything in there. I mean there are definitely people who don't have food, or whose roommates don't have food and their lives are sadder for it.

4. I accomplished a lot of running around today and I was able to get my car registered for Iowa. Sure, it was $50 for part of the year and has to be done again in January for another $84. And sure, Iowa is a two-plate state, so I had to spend $25 to get a license plate holder mounted on the front of my car. But at least I can check that off the list. Now I am official.

5. I have a series of bug bites on my arms and legs and hand (or at least, Dear God, I hope that those are some sort of bug bites and not some horrible disease), but as Ned Flanders says, "It sure is satisfying to scratch them".

6. I keep sneezing due to allergies (or death knocking on my door), but that's ok because I like dripping snot from my nose and continuously shutting my eyes and making that little screaming noise that my mom makes and that I swore was ridiculous, but seems to be getting louder as I age until one day I'm just going to be her which is cool because she's great and all, but why do we have to sneeze so loud...and never sleep a night through.

7. I'm not even being mocking on this one, Murder, She Wrote is on 5 times today. And the first time that happens is in a little over an hour. I'm really happy.

Hope everyone is in as good a mood as I am. No, actually I hope you are all happy today in readerland. Good day!

Day 154: I've Still Got Nothing

So yeah...I've still got nothing. So I thought I would just type a bunch of small nothings and hope that counted. It's like a little love poem to my readers (read: Jesse).

• This is the only choice for a bullet point that I can find. It's the default one and I can't figure out how to change it. I'm sure there is a way, but I'm just not that dedicated to this project to find it. You can call me lazy if you want to because I can't hear you and therefore I don't care.
  
• Jesse and I were just talking on the Webcam. It's sorta awesome because I can see him and hear him and he can do the same for me...so it's basically awesome for him. Here's a picture of what I look like when I talk on the webcam:

• That's right. I get all prettified and I talk on the computer. Isn't that awesome? I totally look like I am ready to take your order. And you know what? You would like fries with that.
• Additionally, what the hell is with those laugh lines. My God, small children could get lost in there. I suppose that's what you get for being super cool and friendly...or in my case...just getting old.
• Here's why I'm a rockstar. I just went downstairs to get the laundry. We have a washer and dryer in the basement. For those of you who grew up in Arizona- a basement is a deep, dark cave-like structure built under all the cool parts of a house. It is used to house junk that no one knows what to do with and crap they don't want to look at any more. It is home to many species of insects, most of which will scare the crap out of you if they come anywhere near you. Yeah, millipede, I'm talking to you. Anyway, I just went down to get the laundry and I had left the fluorescent light over the washer plugged in. So I decided that was all the light I needed and I didn't turn on the lights using the switch AT THE TOP OF THE STAIRS. So I got the laundry out of the dryer (towels and sheets in case you were wondering) and moved the wet towels from the washer to the dryer. Then I thought, "I'll unplug this light because it's just gonna take too long for these towels to dry, I should conserve energy." Then I pulled the plug. Plunging myself into complete and utter darkness. I just kind of stood there for a moment, taking in the breathtaking-ness of the moment. Wow. I'm awesome. Then I put my hand out in front of me and stumbled my way to the light. Mensa, here I come!
• I think that's about it for today kids. I have to go brush my teeth and wash my face and get ready for bed. I've got a big morning ahead of me. I get to go pay for my car to have its tags changed! I know, I know, I really know how to have a good time. Before I go get ready for bed, I'm going to check off "Post Blog" in my planner. So the OCD part of me can get a little sleep tonight. I wish everyone a super-duper awesome night and a great morning. Until next time- good night.
  

Double Feature

I thought I would write with a little personal information today as well. That's two posts for the price of one.

First of all, I got a new driver's license today. As of today, Zach and I are licensed to drive in Iowa. The licenses are kind of cute. They're pink and they have holograms of the state flower- the Wild Rose- on them. I will go on Monday to register my car.

Second, I FINALLY got my magazine in the mail today. Real Simple magazine. I highly, highly recommend this for any of those organization freaks (read: OCD sufferers) out there. It's a pretty awesome magazine and it makes me happy. I can even entertain myself for hours after getting an issue. And as Zach can attest to, that's a pretty major accomplishment.

That's about it. Just thought I would share that as well. And tomorrow...laundry and grocery shopping. I think you know what that means. That's right! Super exciting posts are totally on the way!

Personal Baggage

Zach points out that I love bags. "You do. You have how many bags now? C'mon, you love buying them."
I recoil in horror. "What? I don't have that many bags!"
Do I?
I don't think so. And to my credit - I certainly don't have any ones that are expensive. I mean, honestly, my hot purchases come from Target. I don't have a Coach or Fendi handbag among the bunch.
But while I'm not the Imelda Marcos of handbags, I do sort of have an obsession. Which is so strange given my past history with them. When I was a kid, I was always losing them. I quite clearly remember leaving my little hot pink purse at a store (along with I think one of our bags) and getting all the way to the other end of the mall before remembering. Needless to say, my mom was not happy about having to drag my brother and I and all of our purchases back to the store to retrieve my purse.

I think it's possible that I keep coveting more bags because I haven't found the right one yet. I have commitment issues. I keep hoping to find that perfect mate that will carry all I need, look great with any outfit and not mock me for wearing tennis shoes with everything. Oh sure, I keep finding bags and we have a good time - for awhile- but then the craving sets in. That desire for something new. A look at that green grass that the neighbor keeps talking about. And then I'm off. In search of the next best thing. I'm a bag whore I guess (note the order of those two words, it's not the other way around). I'm all about going for the next best thing. When will this silly roller-coaster ride of emotions end?

Who can say? All I know is that for now. I'm enjoying the ride. On a related note, I just got a new black bag that I can take things to school in and I'm really digging it. It has a bunch of pockets and I've filled it with all sorts of awesomeness. It's fabulous.

Guilty Little Secrets; Now with More Inside Jokes that will make it annoying for others

I'm sort of ashamed to admit this. And by "sort of", I mean, "really ashamed to admit this". I watch "reality" *wink,wink* television. There, I've said it. It's out there for the world to see. And, of course, by world, I mean Jesse. Hi, Jesse.

I used to think that I didn't like reality television because it's stupid and I watch tv (pronounced teeeee vee...I mean, tee veeee, sorry Zach) to escape. I don't watch it to see real life. I love willingly suspending my disbelief for an hour (read: 4 hours at a stretch) and enjoying the "could be" rather than the "what is". So when the reality television boom started, I was both appalled and annoyed and aggravated and aggrieved and apostolic...no, wait, not that last one. I just got all carried away in the moment. At any rate, I was not having it. So I didn't watch. I just sat around hoping it would go away. Watched my mystery and crime science shows (all that stuff that makes me dark...or is it that I like it because I'm dark? The world may never know) and just kind of waited for it to pass. On a side note, if I was to design a television schedule, it would look like this:

	Every Day	Every Day	Every Day	Every Day	Every Day	Every Day	Every Day
All the time	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote
All the time	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote
All the time	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote
All the time	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote
All the time	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote
All the time	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote
All the time	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote
All the time	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote
All the time	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote
All the time	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote
All the time	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote
All the time	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote
All the time	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote
All the time	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote
All the time	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote
All the time	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote	Murder She Wrote

As I was saying, I tried to wait it out. But tv execs everywhere decided to curse me (I assume they do it just to bother me. Just as I assume that's why anybody does anything.) and they just kept making more reality tv. And then one day, I noticed, "I kinda like this crap. It's like a train wreck, horrific and twisted, but I can't look away." And now I watch that shit all the time. I'm all about watching it. And I sort of hate myself (no, not more than normal), but I just can't stop. I think the fact that they edit them to bring out stories and make villains and heroes just makes it all the better in my opinion.

Because I LOVE lists here is a list of some of the shows I watch:

The Hills - I love the MTV shows apparently. I used to watch Real World when it was first on. This one has Lauren from Laguna Beach (which I totally watched) and some people she met in LA or wherever the hell the hills are. She's totally catty and has major drama. So great.
Life of Ryan- This is new. A skater kid and his life. It's kind of touching actually. The parents are getting a divorce, but honestly the family seems like they are pretty stable.
Newport Harbor- The new Laguna Beach. It's like BEING in high school. If you were really, really rich in high school and slept around a lot. I can't really relate to the experience, but the pettiness of it is appealing.
Real World: Sidney(also last season...and I can't even remember where it was)- These people are just so crazy. It's amazing how well the producers have honed down the characteristics that they need people to have in order to do some just insane stuff in a the house.
Scott Baio is 45 and Single - He has a life coach. He was Charles. And Chachi. 'Nuff said.
Flipping out- a show about a real estate mogul who buys houses, fixes them up and resells them for a profit. He has a staff of 4 that just kind of hang out with him all day, not really doing anything. Oh yeah, and he has OCD. Bad. He's so crazy, he makes me look well-adjusted.


There are a couple others. Like The Parker and stuff. Most of these I watch if they are on, but I don't care too much *wink, wink*. I think it's just that I can handle the "drama" that goes on in these shows because frankly, I don't care too much about the characters. It's an interesting little glimpse into the lives of other people. People without enough character and back story to make them truly lovable for me. I mean, let's face it. Nobody is coming close to holding a candle to Jessica Fletcher. Please. Don't make me laugh.

Well, we've learned a lot about, um, me today. I guess that's about it. T.G.I.F. with a vengeance people. Rock the weekend.

Should-a, Would-a, Could-a

What I am doing: Writing this blog post
What I should be doing: Working on my reading lists for my comprehensive exams
What I would be doing: Watching Murder She Wrote
What I could be doing: Taking a nap

I thought this would be a fun post title and that I could do some fun and creative writing with it. But after a bunch of tries, it turns out that's just not the case. I'm stubborn though, so I'm keeping the title and the one "successful" attempt at humor. Apparently, I'm fresh out of witty banter and creativity. Oh well. I guess it had to happen sometime. I can regal you with some banal minutiae from my life in the form of a list. Perhaps that will make up for the lack of quality. That's right. That's my motto, "Quantity not Quality". Also, "You've tried the best, now try the rest."

Some things:

1. I don't know what it is about people on the bus and touching me, but it happened again today. The woman in the seat to the side of me poked me in the arm on accident. Then, apparently in an attempt to apologize, she patted my arm. You know what? Just say you are sorry and don't do it again. End of transaction. We don't have to touch further for you to get across the point that you didn't mean to touch me in the first place. It's cool. I'm good. Thanks.

2. I found out that today in Iowa they don't make you get an emissions test or a safety inspection (take that Pennsylvania), but they do make you pay a yearly fee for registration, etc. that is based on some crazy formula. The list price of your car multiplied by a certain percentage based on the age of the car + the weight of the car * 40 cents and then you carry the naught. It's just a strange thing to me. It makes me wonder who came up with this formula and why? Was a single rate just too easy? Did Iowa (the same place that brought you those fun tests that you had to take for an entire week in grade school) just want to make sure everyone was paying attention when they went to the DMV? Actually, you can't go to the DMV to register your car. That's a whole separate thing that the "Treasurer's Office keeps track of. Speaking of which. Wouldn't it be so awesome if the Treasurer really held something of value. In some sort of chest. And was a pirate. Think about it. It would be a better world if that were true.

3. Some more things that would make it a better world: teeny, tiny, little puppy dogs that could fit in the palm of your hand and never got any bigger than that. Wouldn't that be awesome? It would be so cute and convenient because even if they made a mess, it would be so small anyway, you wouldn't care. Plus they could live comfortably in an apartment because it would be huge to them. Why aren't they genetically-engineering this for me right now? We can clone animals and we can't make a tiny puppy? Ridiculous. The market for this has got to be huge. I should have been a biologist/geneticist. Another thing that would make the world a better place would be baby janitors. Well, pretty much babies doing any job. It would be awesome if humans were more functional when they were born and then you could have a baby that cleans your office and sells you coffee in the morning. I think that would be awesome. I guess basically anything in miniature form is better than regular size (Hi, Jesse).

Hmm...I guess that's about it. I guess you could say, "I've got nothing." But sometimes that's just how the cookie crumbles.

Anti-Anti-Social

The last post was sort of a cheat because I wrote it awhile ago...considering my considerable lack of talent lately, I'm going to say it was a real long time ago. Anyway, I figured I should post a little something else to make it "official". Yeah, I'm an over-achiever, so what?


So if you know anything at all about me then you know that I don't like people. It's not really people per se, but their germs that I object to. Well, ok, honestly it is the people. I don't like them. But mostly I don't like them touching me. Or looking at me. Anyway. Today I got on the bus and I sat on a seat that didn't have anyone near it. I was all alone and that made me really happy. At the next stop this old lady gets on and she chooses to sit down right next to me. So now her shirt is touching my arm and she's really close. This is upsetting to me because I don't like being touched by other people's clothing (as I mentioned before). So I decide to hate her. I hate her for sitting next to me and continuously touching me. So we ride for awhile and I stew. At the stop near the hospital a girl wearing a necklace gets off the bus and the old lady turns to me with this happy, shining face and says, "I like her necklace." And suddenly, I loved her. How cute is that? She was just happy about beauty in the world and decided to share that with me. It made me happy. I can't wait to get old so that I can totally talk to strangers...and maybe sit on top of them a little bit. I'm so close to 80 in my heart-of-hearts, maybe I'll get started early.

An Oldie, but Goodie

I think I sent this post out a long time ago as part of the guerrilla blog, but it's been a long time and I'm pretty sure that I haven't posted it here. So it's not really "new", but it is funny in my opinion. Also, it makes me sound crazy...which is so true.

Enjoy. Or not. Just do whatever. That's what you're best at anyway.

They say there is a fine line between genius and madness. It would be putting on airs to say that I used to walk on just this side of genius. That’s not for me to say, history will make that judgment call. But I can say that I am probably currently tiptoeing my way along the path of madness. Here are some examples. I’ve put them in a list format because, let’s be honest, when you’re crazy it’s hard to organize your thoughts.

1. I recently had the thought (and it was a serious one) that perhaps I could ask all of the PSY 002 students that want to copy my notes to wash their hands before they touch my notes. I’m just saying, it would make me feel a whole lot better if they all had clean hands before touching my stuff. Alternatively, how feasible would it be for me to supply them with disposable gloves that they had to wear? I think this pretty much illustrates a clear descent into madness…but wait, there’s more!

2. I had a severe headache on Friday. It made me nauseous and I might have ended up getting up in the middle of my class and going to the bathroom to sort of dry heave and then expel liquid. Yes, that is what happened. Then I returned to class, looked at the professor and said, “I kind of just threw up, I have to go.” Which, given my nature was a fairly non-melodramatic exit. Although I did walk back into a discussion and then leave, but still, pretty mellow. At any rate, I had a headache on Saturday and on Sunday. Buy stock in Advil. I guarantee they are making loads off of me. Anyway, I think the headaches might be stress related. So…and this is the best part…I’ve been worrying about them. Yes, I’m stressed out about being stressed out. The fact that I might be stressed out, is in fact, definitely stressing me out. It’s a vicious, vicious cycle. It’s also a sure sign of the apocalypse.

3. I had a mini-mental breakdown the other day, complete with hysterics and lots of snot that resulted from a tiny slightly heated discussion with Zach. I was trying to explain something to him and he wasn’t seeing what I was saying, then he started to tease me (by pretending that he still didn’t get it) and I started to sob. It was awesome. I then went through every point of my day and tried to explain why I thought I might be crying. The best part? I’m still not sure what it was during the day that was so upsetting. I think it was just a combination of things. But I didn’t (and don’t) feel that “stressed”. I feel busy. I feel anxious sometimes, but I also feel pretty good most of the time. I’m thinking that perhaps I’m developing two personalities in an attempt to keep all the crazy suppressed. I have one personality that feels everything deeply and the other one maintains that everything is ok. The one that maintains that everything is fine is often in charge, but it’s getting harder for her to keep the crazy in order.

4. I think the people upstairs are trying to kill me. No, just kidding. I don’t think that. That would be crazy. I think that the people upstairs were sent by the devil to drive me insane though, and I think it’s working. My apartment is directly under the apartment that last year had a fire. Apparently the kid was on his couch smoking…when he fell asleep. And let me tell you something: if you are too tired to keep awake, then perhaps you shouldn’t be smoking. How the hell many people have to be involved in fires from cigarettes that ignited something while they were sleeping before we legislate this shit? People should not be allowed to smoke while sleepy. It should be a law, everyone should write their local Congressman (or in Adam’s case the Congressman of his choice). But I digress. Anyway, there are workmen in the apartment upstairs who come while Zach and I are at work and make all sorts of noise. I was dimly aware of these people on the few days that we have been home before 5. On Friday, in the midst of some special head pain, I was trying to lay down and get a little nap, when I was awoken (read: startled into sitting position and sort of a little bit wet my pants) by the loudest noise I have ever heard indoors. I have no idea what the hell they were doing up there, but it was so loud that I couldn’t handle it, I had to leave the apartment. For the most part, you don’t hear noises like that coming from above. Here’s what you do hear (as I hear it now while I sit at home): you hear men dropping things. That’s the only explanation. I think they just walk around dropping hammers and other heavy objects. It’s not hammering. There’s nothing rhythmic about what goes on up there. Just random dropping of heavy objects. I can’t imagine what Special Olympics (no actual offense intended) building crew they hired, but I think it is all part of the plot to drive me mad…and well, fellows, good job, it’s totally working.

That’s about all I’ve got time for now. I have to go finish counting the number of tiles that I have on my kitchen floor. Plus, I feel dirty and need to wash.

Acceptance...making an ass out of you and me

And now....today's post:

I often marvel at my (read: your) ability for acceptance. It's sort of mind-boggling how many situations we, as human beings, are willing and able to accept. I hate change. Hate it. I find it hard to deal with and onerous and it is not something I like to do. BUT, when the change has occurred, I find myself rapidly able to accept that change. It's eerie. Surreal. And I know I'm not the only one.

Acceptance.

It's the same thing that allows you to walk by that single sock on the floor, day after day after day and never pick it up. It becomes a part of the scenery. It's why my bedroom walls are still white even though I keep thinking we ought to put pictures up. It's why you go to work everyday even when you aren't happy. Or why you don't kill your kids (I imagine). Why you were in that relationship for so long even though it was just dragging you down. Or why you are in a wonderful relationship and tend to forget that.

You take things day by day and each day it becomes a little easier to accept them. For better or worse, you can get used to just about anything. Which is really amazing when I consider all the effort I put into fighting things. I expend lots of energy just trying to wish away the pounds or hope back the time or whatever. But what I'm trying to do (of late) and what I know I need to do is just

accept.

Let go.

Take a deep breath and realize that it will be ok because it has to be ok. There's an alternative, but it's messy.

So my message to you (read: me) is just to do your best each day to accept what comes and know that you are capable of handling it. Because you have this awesome capacity as a human being to change and adapt to your environment and you should use it.

I now return you to your day. Hopefully this last post hasn't been too sappy. I really tried to keep the sap out of it, but to write anything else would have been barking up the wrong tree. Get it? See what I did there? Thank you! Don't forget to tip your waitress.

Before we get to our regularly scheduled programming...

Before we get into today's promised post, I forgot to put one more of those excuses on the list from yesterday. It was the funniest one I had too, which makes it extra lame that I forgot.

Excuse

8. I don't have any children to blog about.

Response:

8. Actually this is a really awesome excuse. I don't have any children to post pictures of or tell "cute" stories about...although Zach did say the darndest thing the other day while he was on the potty. And as you may have discovered by reading the internet, 98% of all blogs are about children. The other 2% are written by angst-ridden teenagers.* I'm neither, so it's just a little bit harder for me. But I will try to prevail.



*Yeah, Jesse, your blog does fall into one of these two categories.

My Blog Really Isn't Better Than Your Blog

So it's been 4 months or so since my last post. Wow. That's a long time in between posts. I'm going to bet that anyone that ever read the blog has since given up "hope" that there will ever be anything else here. I suppose that's not such a bad thing. It's just par for the course really. I have decided to try my hand at blogging again though. I thought I would make myself try for "a-post-a-day-spectacular". I can almost guarantee that it will be anything but spectacular, but at least there will be a post a day for the next month. Although as I write this, it's the 3rd day of September. But still. I can always try. It's like they say, "if you fall off the horse, just lay still and you will be trampled to death" or something to that effect.

Here are some reasons why I haven't posted in forever:

1. I moved
2. General Malaise
3. Summer happened
4. I started school again
5. Moving was really hard
6. I'm incredibly unmotivated to do anything
7. I have nothing to say

Here are some snappy comebacks to those reasons:

1. People move everyday and unlike some do-gooder you didn't move to some 3rd world country without internet to vaccinate children or whatnot, you moved to Iowa. They have the internet in Iowa.
2. Get over it.
3. You could always take the computer outside and get your vitamin D while you type.
4. You haven't done anything in school yet either, you're lazy.
5. You didn't even have to do that much heavy lifting in the move.
6. See # 2
7. Neither does anybody else, but it doesn't stop them from posting.

And so you see, I have talked myself into the "post-a-day-September-spectacular". Honestly, if you can't go for quality, overwhelm them with quantity.

Stay tuned. Or not. The choice is yours.