Christmas Eve 2007 Continued Continued

I, again, humbly suggest that you look at the first installment of the Christmas eve debacle or even better the post before that explaining why I am posting on Christmas Eve from Iowa. The CrapEye state. The HawkCrap state. Whatever clever name you want to make up for this stupid place.

6:51 PM -

Hm...so I've wiped down the fridge, done more dishes, itemized the food for when Zach returns eaten more food thus assuring weight gain, brought in the mail, organized my "papers", watched more of the Closer and napped a little. Gotten a bit more despondent and lonely. Is that wrong? Apparently, I can't be trusted alone for more than about 2 hours. Normally I would relish the time alone. It's fun to be by myself often. I've have been craving alone time since about July. But now that I am alone, I'm just not digging it. I think it's the holiday. I feel like for better or for worse, it's just better to be around people on a holiday.

Now it's 7 PM and I would like to believe that in 24 hours I will be landing in Phoenix, but it's just really hard to believe. I need to figure out how to entertain myself for a bit longer so that I can fall asleep and just wake up and go tomorrow. The best idea is to get up late and then get ready to go to the airport. Hopefully someone in a shuttle will be here to pick me up and take me to the airport. Then if the god of travel, William Shatner, is kind, perhaps I'll make it home.

For the 0 persons reading this- send good karma my way so that I can get out of here.

Christmas Eve 2007 Continued

If you are just tuning in now, you might want to start at the first Christmas Eve 2007 post. It will explain what's going on here. Well, it might not explain, but it is the beginning.

12:08 PM -

I am still watching The Closer. Zach landed in Phoenix, and by now, is likely at my parents' house. How nice for all of them. I'm not bitter. Yeah, I am. I have thus far eaten two bowls of ramen and part of a Mexican-style frozen pizza. Reading this back to myself now, it's no wonder those pounds are packing themselves on. Additionally, I might have the most boring life in the world. I mean just judging by what I've written on here lately. It's like, wow. Lame. I also have noticed that I am really emotional right now. For example, I've been tearing up and almost to the point of crying over a couple of scenes of the Closer and it's not even sad parts. Also a commercial featuring Lisa Ling in which she told me about these girl scouts who's mothers are in jail. I pretty much started crying when I heard that.

I have also done some chores. For example, I did all the dishes. I cleaned up the floors. I picked up the living room. I made some iced tea. The poor iced tea maker. Zach said that he told it that it was going on vacation to a spa (because I was supposed to go to AZ yesterday, so it would be getting break). He figured that by the time the tea maker realized that we lied to it, we'd be gone. The tea maker is likely pretty angry that it was lied to, but it produced a nice batch of tea anyway. I've also brought in the trash, put my car insurance in the mail and looked on the internet for many random things. I found the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Adventure game. I can't remember how to get too far, but I guess I've really got nothing but time on my hands, literally.

Christmas Eve 2007

I figured out a way to really increase my posting. I'm going to post updates about my day today (and tomorrow...and if that damn plane doesn't take off tomorrow maybe the next day too). I figure everyone is dying to know what it is I am up to as I sit alone in my house while everyone else is enjoying the holiday with friends and family. Even Zach is close to being with a family. My family, but still (not that being with my family isn't great- it is).

4:58 AM -

I woke up today at 2:17 AM. I went to sleep about 10:35 PM last night. I slept pretty fitfully. Napped really. Until about 2:17 AM. I checked the internet for Zach's flight information. Of course his flight is on time and ready to go. I get Zach up at about 2:25 or so. Why am I so obsessed with the actual timing? I'm not sure. Just roll with it. He took a shower and I started getting things ready. I warmed up the car at 3 AM and we left at 3:10 AM. I drove. In the snow. The roads around here are not good. Apparently Iowa doesn't have much of a budget for plowing or safety in general.

9:25 AM -

Ok, I went to sleep at about 7 something. I just kinda thought I wasn't making any sense on that last entry, so I stopped. But after 2 phone calls from Zach and one from my mom, I've given up on the dream of sleeping. Whatever. Point being, Zach's on the plane now to AZ. He'll be there in about an hour. I'm at home. I've eaten two bowls of ramen at this point and I am watching the Closer. Just so you know, driving through the snow sucked. There were numerous cars in ditches and one on its side as well. It wasn't that bad today, but it was very scary for me. I did well. I feel pretty good about my driving ability. But I feel pretty hateful toward the state of Iowa. I find it so hard to believe that they can't plow the roads to the Eastern Iowa Airport better than they did. It's an airport supporting EASTERN IOWA. Do they think that no one is going to use it around Christmas? Do they? Interestingly enough, just in case you were wondering, we're at Threat Level Orange. I'm not sure at all what that means, but I saw it on a sign at the airport and I wanted you all to know. Be safe. We are potentially under attack from citrus.

Delayed, Dejected, Depressed, Desgusted, De-Really? Really?

So. Today I was supposed to be winging my way to sunny Arizona. Or cloudy Arizona, whatever. I will take what I can get because it's gotta be better than snow, wind and the general crappiness that exists here in Iowa. But alas, I'm not doing that. I'm not sitting on the cramped plane with clenched fists and closed eyes repeating the mantra, "I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful."* No, I'm sitting in my bedroom. Posting a blog entry. A very cranky blog entry. I've changed pants 3 times today, but they always end up being my cranky pants.

Why am I not on the plane now? Well, supposedly weather. I think more likely the airlines have been backed up for a couple days now and they are just saying it's weather so that they can take the people who have been waiting longer to their destinations and anger a fresh batch of people. I won't be going home until Christmas...maybe. I have a flight out at 1:05 PM on Christmas which may or may not then get me to my parents' house by 6:05 PM. I'm betting not, but I guess you never really know.

The really fun aspect? Zach's flight tomorrow is supposedly going to be just fine. So he'll be in AZ tomorrow morning at 9:20 AM. With my family. Which I suppose is great for him and all...except that I'm not there. I'm here. I suppose it would be more awkward if they had only met him once, but I suppose they all know each other pretty well.

I am not happy. I suppose I should just accept it and all, but I'm not much in the mood for that. I am apparently in the mood to pack on some last minute pounds that will allow me to be even more embarrassed to see all the people I haven't seen in a year. Oh yeah, I do look great, as in huge. As in imposing. Monolithic. Ginormous.

I really wanted the "getting back into posting" post to be a lot more entertaining than this. But that's why I haven't been writing. All I can do is complain. At least 2007 is almost over. Perhaps 2008 is going to be my year. Yes! I think 2008 will be my year. We will all refer to it as "The Year of Our Rose, 2008". So has it been written, so shall it be done.





* 10 points to anyone who can tell me what movie that's from.

And we're back...

Hard to believe it has been so long since my last post. Well, actually it's not that hard to believe. But you know what is hard to believe? My blog is apparently written so that you need a Junior High School education to understand it (according to this website: http://www.criticsrant.com/bb/reading_level.aspx). That's all. I'm not saying that I'm writing at a Mensa level here, but really? Only Junior High? How old are you in Junior High? 12? I'm sort of depressed now.

I'm posting some pictures now to detract from my lack of "wordiness" and posting. Then I'm going to try to get back into the whole "posting more often thing". Is it the liberal use of scare quotes? Is that what's dumbing down this blog? Is it?!?


This is a picture of some sweet birds that I saw in Long Beach. Apparently while in Long Beach I had the shakes...and no desire to take pictures. Of the 8 pictures that I took, these first 3 are the only ones that weren't blurry. I also apparently love water and birds.

This is the back of our hotel. There was a lagoon in a park bordering the hotel. My room is the 2nd one on the first floor there. Can you see it?

Check out this duck. I think it's a cormorant of some sort. It's pretty.

We went to Thanksgiving right after my trip to Long Beach. I'll explain all this later. I'm too tired and my face hurts right now...and as evidenced in this picture, I bet my face is hurting you too. That's me and Grandma. We were decorating Gingerbread things.

Here's our Gingerbread Train. Zach, Grandma and I decorated it.

Here's our Gingerbread House. We are all so creative and awesome.

Hope you loved the pictures. I'm going to get right back up on that horse and start posting again, but not right now.

Guest Blog #1

I'm about to go to bed so that I can get up really early and leave for the trip. Enjoy the recent posts and this guest post from my ex-con friend:



Freedom. Liberty. Deliverance. Independence. And ultimately, atonement. The day has finally come, rather it came. As of 5/10/07 9:29 AM I reentered society. Though not altogether rehabilitated; prison space is at a premium and they let me out a little early. For once the retarded drug laws in this country have done some good – got me out of prison!

What suckers! I only spent 2 years of a 6 year sentence. It helps that I have a personal attorney to help with legal loop holes and a probation hearing a year ahead of schedule. Though trust me I'm the last guy who should be in jail. I was innocent… in a way.

Four years ago I became interested in politics because of how much money there is to be made. Rich people really like to spend a lot of their money to protect the money they have. I can't really blame them. Who wants the government spending your money? But I digress, being the perpetual entrepreneur I am I took up in the business of politics.

To my chagrin and somewhat astonishment, not many people agreed with me and my political ideals. The democrats seem like they mean well, but they fail to act with a spine and have a propensity to fuck things up (Dukakis '88 anyone? Wow, what a bunch of bumblefucks!). The republicans don't seem to mean as well, between wacko fundamentalists and war hawks, but the original ideals they supposedly adhere to I like. So there I was: a would be politician without a political party.

If necessity is the mother of invention then desperation is its pathetic uncle; and desperate times called for disparaging measures, I think Dawkins said that.

I don't know too much about the world and in particular the political world, but that doesn't seem to stop these politicians from getting involved in politics – some argue it encourages them. I saw a PBS special on how Political Action Committees (PACs) work and quickly realized that there is money in dem' deer hills.

I started a PAC to raise funds to support candidates and causes I like. Simple idea: separate people from their money and then redistribute their money to more worthy causes.

"Save the Bullmoose Foundation" was my pride and joy for the next few years. I developed a pitch and it went a little something like this:
"Save the Bullmoose Foundation is a 501c3 organization dedicated to saving one of the most majestic creatures in all of North America. Once the Bullmoose roamed over the entire continent of America. However, due to the shrinking of their habitat, viable food sources, and adequate drinking water their numbers have dropped dramatically. It is only with your help that we can save the Bullmoose."

That statement is 100%, categorically, and historically accurate. It might be a little misleading to an aging ill informed baby boomer who wants his/hers dollars to go to lobbying Congress to save this uniquely American animal – but I argue the onus is on them for being stupid. The Bullmoose isn't an animal per se, it is a PAC technically, and a political party conceptually – but it is a political "animal". You know like pachyderms and jackasses.

I stole the idea from Teddy Roosevelt. He left the republican party and refused to join the democrats so he started the short lived Bullmoose party. It was conservative with a dash of progressivism. American politics more a la carte, if you will. The Bullmoose represents the original ideas of American society: personal liberty, social justice, equality, and accountability. So when I told people the Bullmoose was a nearly extinct animal, I wasn't lying! Look at Washington D.C. or the freak show in the state legislature (Russell Pierce, I'm looking in your direction) - no Bullmeese, or Bullmooses, or whatever it is.

Everything was going swimmingly. I was making money (a not-so-modest percentage out of every donation – with a progressive sharing formula), giving to political causes I really believed in (medicinal herbals anyone?) and making a difference in my community. Swimmingly that is, until Johnny "I'll fuck your mother and make you watch" Law got involved.

Apparently, what I deemed true was deemed a felony by the "man." I still contend that I delivered on my promises to donors and had the donors taken the time to read the fine print they would have agreed with me. It was a metaphor! Come on! After a long and truly unjust trial I was sentenced to 6 years at a Safford Federal Correctional Institution.

But that was the past. I'm living in the now, now. I'll recant stories from prison in other blogs. There are some fun and not-so-fun but grossly intriguing stories from my 2 years in Safford. I don't want to dwell on it, it was a dark time in my life, the windows were small in my cell and it faced north.

The past doesn't matter, I am moving forward with life and despite the sneaking suspicion that I'm going forward in circles, I am making great progress.

I got a new job, a few new girls, a band, and the desire to continue to do what my ancestors have been doing for centuries: fuck, eat, and laugh.

*Dictated not read [I have no idea who he "dictated" this to, I just typed what was written. Any mistakes are his, I think they add to the street cred.]

Phoning it in

I've really been phoning it in lately. If that term hasn't appeared on Jesse's blog it certainly should. I'm not going to bother to explain. I just find that I'm out of sorts a lot lately. By that I think I mean that I haven't really wanted to work in a long time. I mean, I go (sometimes) and I do things (sometimes), but I'm not the work horse that I once was. I think it's because I've reached a place where I'm not really digging what I'm doing. I call that place Iowa. I will say no more about it here for fear of the word getting out. The internet grapevine is strong. Plus, it's not really that bad, I just like to exaggerate for attention. I'm a bit of a drama queen in case you haven't noticed. Although, wow, just wow, if you haven't noticed.

Speaking of the internet, if anyone else is watching television lately, what is the deal with all of the shows having weird video games that killers are taking for reality? That's always been surprising to me, the number of shows or movies that will come out at the same time and have the same theme. What is the deal with that? (Did you use the Jerry Seinfeld voice to read that last sentence? If not, go back and do it again.)

Speaking of random transitions between ideas, here's one. I'm writing this post a couple days before posting it. I'm trying to cover all the bases before I leave for my conference on Wednesday (the 14th). I'll be gone until Sunday (the 18th) during which time I will miss Zach's birthday. I miss his birthday every year because of this conference. I have a paper to write, I need to practice what I'm going to say for my poster (which I am presenting at the conference), I need to figure out my comps topics and reading list and make appointments with people, I have to pack, print handouts, buy groceries - in short I have a lot to do. How am I tackling both the bevy of personal as well as professional tasks with which I am faced? I'm writing inane blog entries. That's my solution. That and listing everything I have to do about 5 different ways, just to make sure, you know, I really know what I have to do. I'm not doing it, but I've got it organized and planned really nicely. That should really count for something.

Sunday Brunch with Zach and Rose

On November 11 - Veteran's Day to the common folk - Zach and I celebrated 3 years of sinful bliss. Not that I think it's been sinful, but the alternative descriptor there is "wedded" and it's not been wedded. 3 years ago, he took me out for a nice dinner, a romantic walk and then when we got back to his place there were tea light candles everywhere and music playing and he handed me some Gerbera Daisies and said, "These past few weeks have been wonderful, BUT..." And then he asked me to be his girlfriend. He used the wrong conjunction. But- was not appropriate. I honestly thought for a split second that he was calling it quits with me and really went to a lot of trouble to make it nice (he should have just gotten me a Frostie). But no, he was just nervous.

It's been wonderful ever since. Well, it's been mildly tolerable ever since. Just kidding. We're inseparable. That's what Adam told me many years ago - "I think that when you find the one, you guys will be together all the time." And I was like, "what the hell does that mean?" And he said, "I just think if any guy wants to be with you, he's going to really want to be with you, like all the time." So I guess score one for Adam for predicting the future.

On Sunday we went to brunch at the Iowa City Power Company. It's a restaurant. I know it might not sound like that, but it is. It is also an old power company site that was sold later and turned into a restaurant. It's right on the Iowa River and you can see the river and the pretty bridge while you eat - if you get the good seats - we do because they know quality when it walks in.

We had a really wonderful time. The food was fabulous and the drinks were great. We ate until we could eat no more. Then we went home. Our neighbor, Gary, who is a sweetheart brought us brownies and a card with free movie rentals from Blockbuster in it. It was very thoughtful. He's a thoughtful sort. Then, because it was our anniversary, Zach came to Target with me. I love it when he comes with me, but he hates it. We had a pretty good time though. Got a bunch of cleaning supplies that cost me a fortune and a pair of pants that I will likely wear one time. But they are men's pants and only $10.99, so that's awesome.

We came home and did our chores (laundry, cleaning) and then watched some football, because I can be nice too. Zach told our roommate to move her stuff out of the living room. He said he was nice about it. It was just bothering him. I have more problem with things being dirty, but he has a surprisingly low tolerance for clutter. I figure that the roommates just assume I told him to do it because I'm the resident bitch. But whatever. I was going to tell her that that's his deal, not mine, but I thought...well, I do like it cleaned up too and he was nice about it.

And that was about it. We hung out at home and I continued my streak of not working. We enjoyed each other's company and it was a lovely day. Start choir of angels now.

Perhaps the best thing today...

On the nature show we were just watching there was a zoologist named....

Mike Cock.

That's what the announcer said. We both heard it. That's awesome.

That's not fun...that's Littering

The title is an inside joke. I'll let you in on it though because I like you. Zach and I went to the football game on Saturday because a) I love football b) I love huge crowds of drunk people and c) I love sitting outside in cold, windy weather. As we were sitting outside the stadium (because we didn't have tickets, just a need to party) an empty popcorn cup came fluttering down over the side of the wall and sort of floated in the air for a bit. Zach said, "That's fun." To which I replied, "That's not fun, that's littering." The preceding pretty much sums up our world views.

So we went to the football game on Saturday. We walked the mile and change to the stadium and hung out for a bit and watched the game and talked to people. Our neighbors go all the time, so we met up with them for a bit. It was pretty standard and routine. Well, I have no idea really if it was standard and routine as I have never been to a sporting event at a college ever. Never. Not in undergrad, not in the first part of Graduate school, not as a kid. No interest. But damn if I am not a supportive partner. So if Zach wants to go, I go. And I only bitched a little bit. Not even enough to be annoying, just enough to convey what a nice person I was for going along with his plans. He is so lucky.

At the game I was hit on by a 50 year old man wearing a hawk mask ("we" are the Hawkeyes afterall). He wasn't wearing it at the time he was hitting on me. It was just resting on top of his head. Did I mention he was super drunk? Well, he was and he kept asking if I wanted to give him a colonoscopy. Because my neighbor said I was going to be a doctor (the real kind, not an MD) and he wouldn't take no for an answer. Then he wanted to know if I could cure A.D.D. I told him I wasn't even that kind of psychologist. But he was not to be deterred. He wanted me to take off my sunglasses because "those are too big" and he wanted to see my eyes. I told him no. Then he showed me a swimsuit calendar and told me, "Oh that's where I know you from, see, on the cover." He tried to pull up my coat to get a look at my ass. Oh yes, and when we first met, he made me hug him and then tried to keep an arm around me. And I'm sure you know how much I love to be touched by strangers. I got away from him as fast as I could and told Zach what happened. I didn't want my honor defended. I mostly just wanted assurance that I wasn't going to catch any diseases off of the hug or anything. Zach got pissed though. I told him not to say anything, but he ended up going over and saying a few words. They guy asked, "Are you giving me shit?" And then something else. Zach wanted to kick his ass, but violence is never the answer, so we left. I'm not sure why people think that drunk = act like an asshole, but that's what so often happens. That's not fun, that's assault.

Then we went and ate Mexican food and then we went home. It was a pretty good day considering.

I'll tell you about our Anniversary (which was on Sunday - 3 years!) in the next installment. I have to go take a few deeps breaths into a paper bag so I can calm down. All the "not working" can be hard on you after awhile.

A Quickie with all the Usual Promises

Hi All (read: Jesse),

I just wanted to give a quick update and promise that I will write more later. I really, really will!

I recently took up charity work. About 7 months ago I decided to become a pen pal for a lucky prisoner inside the "Big House". It was a task that combined all my loves - writing "real" letters (not electronic) and helping out someone less fortunate but with whom I would never have personal contact. I got involved with a prisoner pen pal program and started writing. Just for you sensation-seekers - our relationship is strictly platonic- he seems to be a really interesting guy and was only in for a petty, white collar crime anyway.

Even more recently he was paroled and decided to get into the digital age. Unfortunately, he doesn't have much money yet and his halfway house only has a computer with dial-up and a long-line of people waiting to use it. So, he's asked me if he can guest blog for me. I think that would be awesome and I think you'll all like him too. Anyway, he said he sent me the letter, so hopefully soon it will arrive and I can post it here for you.

Other than that, I've got a couple other posts in the works. I'll get on that ASAP.

Best,
Your Blogger

Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday? - The Over the Hills and Through the Woods Addition

As in...Over the hills and through the woods to Grandmother's house we go....YEA!

I'm currently in Chicago. It's awesome. Today is Friday, but because I couldn't get the internet to work yesterday because I majored in Psychology instead of Computer Science (DAMN IT) I just posted the last part of the camping story so I am going to save this particular post for Saturday. Content's not cheap, people, it takes effort. So while today is Friday, for you today is Saturday. It's like I've time traveled to the future to talk to you...except nothing like that really.

Why am I at my Grandma's? And why, especially, was I at my Grandma's on a Thursday? Well, that's because I told my advisor to take this job and...no, not really. I did tell him that I wanted a break and he was very understanding. He's come to the realization that everyone who has known me for more than 2 months has - A Happy Rose is a Good Rose. A Happy Rose is a valuable commodity- because just like momma- if Rose isn't happy ain't nobody happy. So I took off yesterday and today and Zach and I drove out to Grandma's. 235 miles of pure bliss and music. We listened to various music the entire time. It was a nice trip out here. I was soooooooo happy to be going Zach only got yelled at once. That's pretty good. He was happy too, thus proving the above point.

When we arrived yesterday Grandma was hard at work baking fresh bread. She loves to bake it for me, and I'm not going to lie to you, I love eating it. Fantastic. We had warm rolls with olive oil and salt and pepper and the some with lunch meat. Why am I detailing the food? I don't know either. Then we hung out for a bit. And then last night I went bowling with Grandma in the church basement. They have a 4 lane bowling alley there we didn't just break in and start chucking balls at things. It's funny. They have a bar, tvs, 4 lanes, bowling ball racks. And it's all in the Catholic church's school building. How awesome is that? We bowled three games. I got to bowl because 1 woman was absent. I did alright, certainly not recording breaking. 115, 89 and 110 in case you were wondering. I hurt my thumb because the ball didn't really fit and was sort of rough, so I got a blister, but it was worth it. It was really funny too because Grandma was yelling at me to, "throw the ball in front of you, you're throwing it to the side." I was sort of thrown off by that. I'm kinda glad I didn't play sports as a child with my Grandma there because she would have scared the hell out of me. She's all about the tough love.

Today- Friday- I went with my Aunt Marybeth to lunch, Target and Walgreens. My favorite places. It was a lot of fun. Zach did a bunch of chores for my Grandma because she likes nothing more than to have a boy to boss around the house. Whatever, I told him he could come to lunch and hang out and he opted out. I don't think he minded too much. Poor bastard.

Tonight we made pumpkin seeds, watched the Dog Whisperer and now I'm going to bed. If you've seen the Dog Whisperer than it might amuse you to know that Zach is trying Cesar's techniques on me. It doesn't amuse me, but I'm guessing that other people sympathize with him and think it's an awesome idea. Good for you all. Just keep repeating the mantra, "A Happy Rose is a Happy _______ (fill in your own name here)."

In other news - Big Congratulations go out to one Sara Lance - who should now be addressed as Dr. Lance.

The Weekend - Campfire Tale Edition Part 3

Last we left off. It was morning. FINALLY! And we were woken up by gun shots. Fine. Whatever. At this point, I'd welcome the sweet release of death, such is the agony of camping.

And that's when it hit me. The sudden desperate urge to go the bathroom. The kind of bathroom that you can't do for at least 100 yards from a water supply. Now they have bathrooms at the camp grounds. Nice ones. With running water and everything, but the only problem is, they are far away. We started walking to the bathrooms. And it started to become clear to me that I was going to have an accident of epic proportions if I didn't get going faster. We finally made it up to the car and I told Zach that I needed him to drive me the rest of the way to the bathrooms (they were on the road ahead of us). And then I looked the car and noticed the layer of ice that had formed during the night.

I said then something I thought I would never say, "Zach I think I'm just going to go right here and we're going to have to figure out how to clean it up later."

Zach said, "Just get in." And then proceeded to drive me to the bathroom on the gravel road with his head out the window because he couldn't see out the windshield. He pulled up the bathrooms, I jumped out of the car and made it. Just in the nick of time. Is it any wonder that I love this man? He's my hero. He made it possible for me to maintain some dignity after I kept him up half the night with the fear that we were going to be killed for our pelts. I love you, Zach. You poor bastard.

As we quietly drove back to camp, I thought, "yeah, it's definitely time to go." I asked Zach if we could just get the hell out of there and I promised to buy him the best breakfast ever with tons of coffee if we could please, please just pack up and get out. So we did. In record time. Under an hour and we were out of there. We had to make a bunch of fun trips to the car. With all the stuff. Uphill. On the way out we saw a buck, who didn't fear us in the least. He just stared us down as we walked by. And I saw two female deer. Who were blocking my path to the car. At this point, I was so desperate to get out of there that I would have been willing to fight deer. They were on the path in front of me and just stood there. I kept walking and when I got closer I just said, "Get the hell out of my way, you Bambis" (yes, I know, Bambi was a boy deer, but whatever). The one stamped its foot at me, but then they left.

Finally, we escaped and drove to a cafe for breakfast. It was pretty nice. We almost got the buffet, but I decided I'd overindulged enough. After that it was home to a nice long hot shower. Then bed for a nap. I was so sore from carrying all that stuff and sleeping on the ground. Awesome. The trip really made me appreciate that I don't have to live in the woods. Thank you ancestors for figuring out electricity, plumbing and sound structural principles, that I may sit in the lap of luxury away from scary things that go bump in the night.

The End

Bonus Post - Happy Halloween

So today is Halloween. Happy Halloween to everyone. I'm currently at my office. It's still dark outside. And, this is the part that relates it to Halloween, there are about 1 million crows outside of my building and as I started to walk up to the door to get in they started crowing...loudly...and they are still at it. They've been at it for a long time now. Did you know that a group of crows is called a Murder?

A murder of crows is stalking me at the moment. Spooky, no?

The Weekend - Campfire Tale Edition Part 2

When we last left our intrepid heroes they were sitting at a campsite preparing to make some lovely dinner and enjoy their night of nature-inspired fun. The tent was up, the bed rolls made, the food and all was in order and pretty. It was time to settle in and enjoy the evening.

The evening started out harmlessly enough. We made Spaghetti O's with Meatballs. Perhaps the most delicious food known to man. Tiny, canned meatballs are a weakness for me. I don't know why. Maybe it's all the preservatives. At any rate, we ate them and then some candy bars (it's near Halloween, plus we had to keep our strength up). Then we settled in. I read my book for a bit. We sat on the rocks and watched the sun set over the lake. We had the fire going by now which was necessary because it was cold. So we sat by the fire and talked and read. It was nice...

Until I started to notice that it was dark. And then, honest to God, I don't know what happened, but it was like a switch flipped. I started thinking that it was awful dark and awful secluded and though there was a couple of troops of Boy Scouts in other parts of the campground, surely a sicko killer would choose us because there is safety in numbers and 2 is the loneliest number since the number 1. Yeah, I freaked out. I blame the large quantity of murder mysteries, crime dramas and other macabre things that I fill my time with. I was mostly fine. I kept it together for a bit, but then I decided that I really just wanted to get into the safety of the tent. Except once we were in the tent I started thinking that the flimsy fabric might not be the safest of all places to be, but whatever. I covered up with the blankets and tried to tough it out. Did I mention that I made Zach take the hatchet with us in the tent? No? Well, I did.

So there we were in the tent. The cold, cold tent on the hard, hard ground. I was dressed in layers, a hat, gloves, and a scarf. I was pretty warm, but also pretty damn uncomfortable. The ground is unforgiving. And so began the long night. I think I fell asleep for awhile. Then I was awoken by crashing in the leaves around us. I was convinced that the murderer was coming for us, but it turned out to be something else...

I call him Clyde the Nighttime Bandit. He (not this one in the picture, but one of its relatives for sure) terrorized me by knocking over the styrofoam cooler that we had (note to self: when going into the wild with animals that are attracted to food smells, bring an actual secure cooler) and then poking around. I think Zach woke up of his own accord at this point. He got up and went out there. He thought that the cooler might have fallen on its own though because nothing was out there and he didn't hear any noises. I knew better, but sometimes knowing is only half the battle. Then I stayed up and listened for more noises and awaited further furry attack. I also went pee in the woods like 5 times during the night. So pleasant. Just as I would almost drift off, Clyde came back. I saw him pawing our stuff and looking at our campsite. We scared him off easily by making noise, but I was by then convinced that we were going to catch rabies and die from that.

I basically stayed awake all night. Listening for killers and animal attackers and being cold. I decided some time during the night that I would just make Zach start a fire a 6 AM (because it would still be dark) and then we could leave as soon as the sun came up. I must have fallen asleep some time around 5:30 or so because I was startled out of sleep at about 7:23 AM to the sound of gun shots. Nice. Maybe hunters. I didn't know. I didn't care. I just knew that the sun was up and that I wanted the hell out of there. Zach wanted a fire and to make breakfast, but at this point I had decided that all of the food in the cooler was tainted by rabies and that we just needed to get the hell away.

Dial in tomorrow for the exciting conclusion of The Weekend!

The Weekend - Campfire Tale Edition Part 1

So we went camping this weekend. We packed up on Friday and on Saturday morning we woke up and we set off. Exactly 24 hours later we returned and what ensued in those 24 hours is story-worthy in my book.

Here goes...

I sit here writing this blog entry via the pioneer method of paper and pen. Laura Ingalls Wilder has nothing on me. We're currently (though as I now sit here typing this on Monday, not currently...it's so mind blowing!) at Lake McBride Recreation Area in the Fox campsites. I should probably do like they did for Iceland/Greenland and say that Fox #8 campsite is terrible, but like George W. (the first one), I cannot tell a lie. So I must say that we are in the most beautiful campsite ever. It's really pretty. It's also a L-O-N-G walk down from the car- especially lugging the delicious camp food (read: everything I am not supposed to be eating), but well worth the trip. We have the most awesome site. It's got its own separate grill (separate from the fire pit) and a totally awesome view of the lake. It's right on the lake with rocks the go out onto the water. It's the most secluded spot as well because it's farther down from the other campsites.
That's a picture of our camp site and that's me blogging. See, just like in the olden days of yore.


It's peaceful and wonderful now. We just went over to the raptor center and looked at the disabled birds. Then came back to our own roost.

Everything was going fine until some special freaks decided to walk through our campsite to go look at the water. That's nervy. That's like paying for a cheap hotel room and having strangers come in to your room to watch tv. I mean, we don't own the nature, but we paid for it for the night and we're hanging out here. There's plenty of other places to sit on the rocks and look at the water as well.

Here's their photo...


You come into my campsite, I publish your picture on the internet. That's the price you pay.

Here are some other sweet, sweet pictures of our campsite.

That's the long view of the campsite. I'm still working on my blog entry or maybe I'm just contemplating why those women are still in our campsite.


That's some of the awesome food we ate. In case you can't see it's from left to right - Generic Frosted Pop-tarts, Spam (Hickory smoked) - we actually didn't end up eating that, and some Spaghetti O's with Meatballs. I am such a sucker for tiny, canned meatballs. It's a sickness.


That's the fire that Zach built.

Here's the view from our campsite beautiful, no?


This is the sunset over the water. We watched it from the rocks. Nice stuff.

Special and wonderful right? Well, that was just the first part of the trip. Stay tuned for Part 2.

Nature Girl and Boy

This past Thursday Zach and I went on a big, long walk over at the Mormon Hand Cart Trek Park Complex and Sports Field Recreation Area...at least that's what I think it's called. We went on this "hike" as a compromise. It involves walking on a paved path, free of ticks (which is my requirement) through the woods and prairie (Zach's requirement). Truly, we are nothing if not awesome compromisers. And that's really what a relationship is - a series of compromises leading to equality of misery for both parties - right?

So we went on this walk and all told it was 5.5 to 6 miles! Sweet, yes? We were awesome worker-outer people, but don't worry, I'm sure I consumed enough calories this week to keep up my figure (round and puffy).

We forgot the camera because we are super lame, but I am going to insert photos of some of the things we saw anyway. I have a few points that I am especially proud of.

1. I touched 2 snakes! Then I felt a little bit bad because I thought I might be stressing them out. But I only touched them for a second and then we shooed them off the path because the place is crawling with snakes and bikes. And let me tell you a little something about snakes and bikes - they don't mix. Their like Eighth grade girls and boys at a dance. Seriously. Poor bastards. We keep seeing some on the path that are dead and it makes me really sad. So if we snakes on the path we stand like crossing guards waiting until they slither off. I really seem to love them.



This is basically the snakes that we saw and I touched. They are Eastern Garter Snakes apparently. I guess they didn't get the memo that we are in the Midwest.

As we walked for almost 6 miles we played a game for a bit. The alphabet store game. Know it? One person says, "I am going to the store and I am going to by..." and then a food or store item with a letter and then the next person builds on it. It was fun.

We also saw a Walking Stick...in nature. That's awesome in my opinion. I hadn't seen one in real life before. It was cool. We saved it from a jogger. We looked at it and then were walking away, but it was still on the path and this jogger was coming toward it, so I said, "Um...hey, watch out over there because there's a walking stick." And she kind of stopped jogging a bit and sort of looked around and then I walked back and I was like, "See, it's here, it's really neat." And she sort of looked at me like I was a freak, but I thought, whatever, I want the walking stick to continue to live because it's neat. Here's a picture of a walking stick:





And that was Thursday. It was an awesome time. A good walk, good company. Cool animals. I felt really good because we exercised a lot and that was nice. So there you go. It's another awesome tale from my life. Jealous?

Better Late Than Never

I also think that "Better Late than Dead" would sort of be funny on a tombstone. You know? Because people say "late" as a kind word for dead? I think it works on so many levels. But I think a lot of things that have yet to be grounded in cold, hard facts.

Sorry for the lack of posting. Well, actually, saying sorry shows weakness...so I'M NOT SORRY! But I've missed posting. I like reading about everyone else's stuff, so I feel I should give back. Except for Adam. Adam, I'm noticing a sorely lacking posting profile from you lately. You really need to get back on the wagon...right? On the wagon or off the wagon? Whichever one means that you post more. I hate when a euphemism doesn't go well, it just throws off my day.

At any rate, I originally meant the title to refer to my week and my many fun activities (no, not really), but I got a little sidetracked there. You will have to forgive me, I'm working on about 4 hours sleep - but more about that in another post...it's a cliff-hanger!!

So this week in review (allow me to preface this by saying that Zach's last day of work was last Friday (well, I guess now it's last, last Friday) so this past week was not productive for me...although I'm so lazy lately that I can't blame it on anything else...sigh):

Monday - Stayed home and watched videos with Zach. Monday is 99 Cent movie day at Mr. Movies (the dude who owns it is named Noah Movies...no, that's a lie, but I totally like to pretend that every time we go in). So we rented Fantastic 4 Rise of the Silver Surfer, Clerks 2 and Curb Your Enthusiasm (apparently season 2 vol. 1, although we though it was season 1, vol. 1). Here's a review: Silver Surfer - snorefest in my opinion. Clerks 2 - pretty solid. Go Kevin. Zach wants me to mention that he LOVED this movie. I think you might have to be a male to appreciate the subtle wonder, but I also think that might be true of most Smith movies. I don't think he reaches all that far, but still, good stuff. Larry David - always awesome.

Tuesday - went into work for a bit. Became anxious. Left and went home.

Wednesday - went to work all day. Gave a presentation in my class. The professor said, "Rose is going to start us off. She's very prepared to present these articles." And I thought, "Am I?" Wow. Ok. Well...I'll try not to disappoint everybody.

Thursday - Went on a sweet "hike" with Zach. That's a post in itself...and will likely appear up here soon. I can't give away all my good material in one post. I've got to stretch. My posts are like meatloaf you have to add some oatmeal or cornflakes to stretch the substance. Or my posts are like Meatloaf - lots of bravado little substance. Was that too harsh? God, I hope Mr. Loaf doesn't read my blog and get offended.

Friday - I had every intention of doing work. And I did. I didn't go into work I worked from home. I did a little on my comps (an exam...oh so much fun for later) and I wrote most of a paper. I would say I basically wrote the whole thing. But unlike my blog entries I have to go back and edit for grammar and to make sure that it makes sense.

This weekend is also the subject of another blog. Trust me. For now, I will sign off, but stay tuned. I'm back, baby!

Back by Popular Demand (well...Sara and Heidi)

I keep meaning to write and I keep thinking of fun stories to tell, etc., but then I get down to it and nothing much comes out. Perhaps that's because I'm all distracted and stuff. And still the laziest person I know.

But in answer to Sara's question: this year for Halloween I will be a dissatisfied grad student. Or just a regular grad student. I've lost all my cool creativity and also you and Heidi aren't here to sew my costumes.

In other fantastic news of the lame, I've got a lot of work to do. And still no motivation. But I am spending some quality time with Zach lately. His last day of work was Friday and we hung out yesterday and today. I managed to do some work in that time as well, but lots of nice time together. It's funny because we spend all our time together anyway, but I always miss him when we're apart. I've been listening to Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier on SModcast and it seems like Kevin Smith and his wife are the same way...except they are rich so they can afford to just hang out with each other.

Ok, baby steps people. I have to get back on the sauce slowly. I'm going to try to work up a wonderful entry for tomorrow. Stay tuned.

Still No Takers

So, no one commented on yesterday's bid for topic suggestions. I can take from this one of two things (and because I'm me, it's only 1 of these 2 options):

1. No one reads this blog and it's just me here.

2. Everyone just likes to hear me ramble on about nothing.

Both of which seem a little far-fetched. Although the latter more than the former. Whatever, I'll do it. I'll ramble on. I don't care. Let's see, what to ramble about, what to ramble about...um...

Yeah, you know what I got nothing. Except apparently sort of an angry tone. What happened? We used to be so close and now there's all this animosity between us. I feel so sorry. Look, Ike's sorry baby. I didn't mean it. Let's just go back to the way it was.

Good Things Come in 10s

As October is the 10th month I thought I'd do a few lists of 10s. I was going to go with 15s (as it's the 15th), but the extra 5 just seem beyond me right now.


10 things I am currently obsessed with (both good and bad):

1. Mouth herpes...still. I just can't get over them. I'm not judging people who have them, honestly. It's not a big deal. I just don't want them. I'm just crazy...well, duh, I think that much is clear.
2. Germs - like the guy with the open wound that took my card today to pay for my Starbucks. OPEN WOUND. I don't think it touched me, but I can't be sure.
3. The lack of towels in the bathrooms at my work. What the hell is the deal with that? I've posted on that before, they say that towels apparently carry disease, but I just doubt that. I'm all touching the faucet and stuff. That's NOT RIGHT.
4. Strangers. I don't like making friends. I get all annoyed if I have to talk to people. That's not likely to be healthy.
5. Carbs. Ever since I started trying not to eat them, it's all I want to do. I could just eat carbs all day long...which is sort of the problem, right?
6. Natural Peanut Butter - that stuffs tasty and I like to take a page out of Sara's book and pour off some of the oil. Then it's all dry. Yum!
7. Pickles - I'm pretty much obsessed with pickles too. I went through a period where I ate an entire jar of pickles a day.
8. Television on the internet - I'm a sick puppy for the television on the internet. I like to watch it on the computer better than the tv because I control it and there aren't too many commercials. I'm sort of a control freak.
9. Zach- in a good way...and maybe in a bad way too, who can say?
10. Blogging...it haunts my dreams.

10 Things I Like to Look at on the Internet:

1. Blogs - random people's, but mostly people I know.
2. Television - see above.
3. Podcasts of any kind - Fresh Air with Terri Gross, SModcast, This American Life
4. My Email - I confess, I check it a bunch. And I don't even get that much email. I'm just always hoping.
5. My brother's projects. I'll put the link up as soon as he gets it to me.
6. Random facts - I like to just look up things that I think about or hear about.
7. People from the past - I like to subtly stalk people that I went to school with, not really because I care, but just because I like to know things.
8. Hmmm...I don't really do that much on the internet, I'm a creature of habit. So this list gets cut short now.

10 Random Facts About Me:

1. My hair is shorter than I want it right now, but it's also longer than I want it. If it was shorter it would dry nicer. If it was longer it would just stay in the pony tail. So hard to be me.
2. I killed a bee today. It was him or me. I feel really bad now because bees are disappearing and we are all going to die, but it was in my room and flying at my head and I panicked and smooshed it with a shoe.
3. It's almost 5 PM here. I'm happy about that because Zach will be home soon.
4. I've started keeping a list of the things that I accomplish in a day. I hope this will motivate me to do more. I feel like I don't do anything any more.
5. I love iced tea more than any other beverage. If I had to pack two things for a desert island (assuming that electricity will be supplied) - I would take an iced tea maker and lemons. That would be awesome AND it would keep scurvy at bay.
6. My back hurts, but not in a good way.
7. I got on the wrong bus today, but I was able to realize my mistake and get off before any damage was done. I still maintain though that the bus had the wrong label on the front of it.
8. I have a headache too. That's lame.
9. I need to go buy more allergy medicine.
10. 10 is an awesome number because that's the day of my birthday! Oh yeah!

And on that note, I'm out. If anyone is reading this, feel free to submit some topic ideas and I will cover them in my next blog(s). It will be awesome. So if you want me to write about something, let me know.

A Big Ol' Shame Cycle

I just finished stuffing my face full of corn muffins. That's not dirty code for anything except weight gain. I seem to be eating a lot lately. And by lately I mean, pretty much since I learned I was going to move. That's not good for my figure, unless pear-shaped has become a more popular figure since the last time I checked. Oh well. Zach says that if I want to lose weight I will. I hope that starts working out soon. I hope that the wanting starts to outweigh the calorie intake - pun definitely intended.

But enough about one of my many flaws. I just want to throw that out there so that when I come home and people who haven't seen me in a long time see me - they won't be too shocked and awed. Or perhaps the next two months will be fueled by will-power and I'll be closer to my weight on Uranus. If you bother to figure out the conversion rate, you'll see that I'm not even aiming that high.

The weekend is almost over. Sunday night used to be the worst night of the week for me when I was a kid. There was a period of time, maybe 2 years? A year? I don't know. I think I might have been anywhere from 7-10, I'm not sure, somewhere in there. In that period of time I used to have nightmares every single Sunday night. I would try to go to sleep, but I would always have horrible dreams. I can remember one in which I was a fly and a farmer was trying to kill me. It doesn't seem that scary when I describe it, but I know that it messed with me big time. And to this day, I hate farmers. No, just kidding. Farmers are ok. But that's pretty screwed up, right? Sunday has never been my favorite night.

Sunday Night is continuing to be a pain in my ass as it's Sunday Night Football. What happened to the man I fell in love with? The one that didn't have an appreciation for any sports? Where's that guy? And who the hell replaced him with the dude sitting on my bed, monopolizing my tv with football games? When did that happen?

Speaking of when did that happen, I'm going to try to make up for my lack of recent motivation and get in gear this week. We'll see. Most likely I'll just continue to be lazy (and likely to eat more), but perhaps this will be my week. Maybe I'll be really active and lose some weight this week. I guess a girl can dream.

Thanks for listening out there in cyber land. Hope this weekend is treating you well. Let's make this next week a great one. Or not. The choice is yours. Thanks, Mr. Knight!

A Week in Review

And now for this week's recap...I've done nothing. That's pretty much literal. I'm a horrible person. If the definition is "how much did I accomplish this week", then yeah, horrible person. I've not accomplished anything in months. I feel pretty bad about that. I just wake up each day and don't do anything. I'm completely Peter in Office Space.

Anyway, I did respond to some emails (finally). I also booked a plane ticket for my trip home for Christmas. For all those keeping track -

I get into Sky Harbor at 11:30 PM on Sunday, December 23, 2007.

I'm leaving the friendly confines at 10:55 AM on Sunday, January 13, 2008.

Mark that on your calendars, mark it and wait for it like it's your job. You know Zach has. 3 weeks without me harping on him. It's probably like a little glimpse of heaven.

So that's a couple things I did this week. I made dinner almost every day. That's something. Zach and I hung out with the neighbors. I went to dinner with the housemates. So I am working on the social aspect of things. My mom sent me a check, which is super awesome, I got a little money to help with my support issues...that's code for a bras. I bought some bras and she paid for them. Which is awesome. Thanks, Mom and Dad! The money went to good use. It really did. I am very pleased with the state of the ladies. TMI? Most likely. But I don't think you read someone's "online diary" if you don't want personal facts, yes, no?

Ok, well, now I have to go to a meeting. Then I can cross that off my list too! So sweet. So much awesome doing of things! I'm going to put "Post Blog" back on the list daily so that I start posting more again. Lord knows the world needs a little more Rose.

And Tuesday was its Name-O

A girl that smelled like celery sat down next to me on the bus today...and by sat down I mean, fell into me, stomped on my foot and then collapsed into the seat next to me and sort of leaned on me for a second. Thanks, Celery Girl! I was in need of some human contact today. I just pray that the smell of celery wasn't indicative of some rare disease that you catch by someone brushing up against you. One can only hope.

I've been listening to Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier on SModcast - which is a podcast they do on the internet - it's pretty funny stuff. Jason Mewes just stopped by and they talked to him a bit. Then I looked up pictures of him to see what he's looking like now...man, oh man. He's a hottie. And now he's sober too. I used to have such a crush on him. Now of course, I just dig Zach and don't even look at other men, but once upon a time...sigh.

I obviously do not have a cohesive story to tell right now, so I'm gonna go. But I'll try to be back tomorrow with some good material. Apparently when "Post Blog" isn't written down on my To Do list, I'm just bad at posting. I guess that makes sense though, I really only do the bare minimum to get by.

Hope this Tuesday is working out well for everyone reading.

Hiatus

Just like 30 Rock (only without the funny), we here at My Blog is Better Than Your Blog have been on hiatus. And just like 30 Rock (only lower budget), we're back. The readers (read: me) were constantly hounding us to come back and bring the funny. And I'm here to affirm that one out of two ain't too shabby.

So, the Cubs, not going to the World Series. The D-backs? Sure. On the one hand, that's sad that the Cubs aren't going. On the other hand, I guess the Arizona pride can come out now. And, you can ask anyone who has met me after I moved out of AZ, I'm all about the Arizona pride. I guess I'm always really happy where I was, but never where I am. You know?

Currently, I'm debating what to do today. The first idea was to just stay in bed all day and not move. But then I decided that wasn't responsible of me. So I got up and came into work. I'm not doing much of anything here either, but I'm hoping that inspiration will strike me. Hopefully, it doesn't sting as much as last time.

In other news, I really like a segment that I saw them do on SNL. I suppose it will sound pompous to say that I don't watch SNL any more (and I don't) because it was really only great a long time ago...like before I was born. But that's pretty much true and I'm sticking with it. I'm not a big SNL fan. I don't think I've watched a whole episode in 10 years or more. But I did catch a snippet from the news. They did this segment called, "Really?!? with Seth and Amy" and I thought it was really funny. And also, just so much like something you would say...and when I say you, I mean me. I feel like doing that all the time. When something happens or someone says something, often I want to be like, "Really? That's what you think is a good idea, really??" Most often I don't. But I must let something pass in my tone or on my face because I often get a chilly response. I'm not the textbook definition of nice. If I was better at being insincere, I could nail it, but I'm just a horrible actress. Can't bluff. Oh well. Crosses to bear and all that.

Finally, I'd like to give a big birthday shout out to Ms. Sara whose birthday it is today. I'm planning to call my dear, but in case we don't get to talk: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! Hope you have a wonderful day. I'm sending you warm thoughts. Hope you got the card.

Best wishes to anyone else reading this today. I know I need them. If you are fighting the blahs as well, solider on, my friend, solider on. We can only do the best with what we've got. I'm going to go try to start working. We shall see how that goes. I'm out.

Wednesday, Again, Really? We Have to Do Wednesday AGAIN?

I keep hoping that if I get a Wednesday right one of these times I can start skipping them. That would be awesome. It seems like there is some sort of cosmic deal that you can make and then you don't have to do your "lamest day" again and again. You get to skip it. Wouldn't that be awesome? I have sooo many good ideas like that. I should be in charge of the universe. I know, I know, it often seems like I do - or at least that I think I do, but I don't.

Today is a random bits and pieces day. As in, I'm going to share random bits and pieces. I'm sure it seems like that's what I normally do, but I like to think that I usually weave at least a thin thread of a story through my narratives...I also like to think that I wear a size 4, but that's pretty far from the truth as well.

• I started riding the Plaen View bus in the morning to school. It's not the most direct route, but if I am going at an odd time I can catch it. I have identified the crazy woman on the bus (no, it's not me...well, alright it might be me, but I'm not alone). I can't quite identify what it is that makes her crazy, but I've got a good feeling. Man, I should have become a clinical psychologist/psychiatrist, I've obviously got talent. She sat down really close to me for a few minutes today, apropos of nothing. She was sitting a seat away. Then suddenly, for no discernible reason she was sitting directly next to me. Then again for no reason (unless she could detect the "get away from me" vibes I was directing at her) she moved back to her original seat. And in case anyone is getting the idea that I don't like crazy people, untrue. I just don't like being touched.
  

• Today after work, Zach and I are going to dinner with our neighbors. They are two really nice guys and it should be a fun time. I'm looking forward to being social. No, I've not been body-snatched.

• Yesterday we had a tornado warning once again confirming that I am just horrible in an emergency situation. I can't be trusted. Parents - don't leave your children with me if we are going to have a crisis. I can't deal with it. I lose my stuff. When I heard the air siren go off (that's the classy way they alert you to danger from above) I immediately dropped everything and went to find Zach. He confirmed that he heard a tornado warning on the radio. So I made us go over to our neighbor's house because they've lived through a tornado before. It hit their building and everything. Actually, it would have been better to stay at our house because we have the more secure basement structure, but whatever. I like to have people with experience around me. So we went over there. And watched the news. And I just kind of huddled there muttering, "we're all gonna die, we're all gonna die." I broke the constant murmur only to occasionally shriek, "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE. WHY ME, WHY ME?" as the cable went out for a moment. I figured that the tornado knocked out the cable so that it could sneak up on us better. Long story short, TOO LATE, there wasn't a tornado near us. I mean, nothing touched down near us and it was over by 8 PM.
  

• I have to go work now. And by work I mean finish up my episode of NCIS on the computer before I go to class.
  

One Day Closer to Halloween

So it's October already. That's pretty crazy. I feel as though I'm in a paradox. I mean, I feel like every day is moving really slowly. But then when I think back to a point of reference it seems like time is moving really quickly. I feel like I just got to Iowa City, but I've been here since the middle of July. I didn't say it was a good paradox. Shut up.

I am excited for the prospect of Halloween though. I think Zach and I should dress up as ghosts in big white sheets and go trick-or-treating. We can just pitch up our voices and no one will ever know. Kids are getting really tall these days. I could still be an 11 year old. Is that too old for trick-or-treating? I can't be sure, I don't remember. I do remember that one Halloween being out with a group of girlfriends and we were walking down the street after a Halloween party (I am 98% sure this was a party at Sara's house and maybe that Sara, Blaire, probably Stacey were there) - we were probably 13 or 14 and these older boys in a car pulled up next to us and asked us how old we were and without missing a beat I said, "Too young for you." They just laughed and drove off.

That was a funny moment. I think we were right on the cusp of being at the age when talking to strange boys in a car might seem like a good idea, but my instincts were to just say something to break the tension and convey the "leave us alone" emotion. I tend to do that a lot. Convey true emotions using sarcasm and jokes. I'm sure I can hear a pin drop, such is the shocked silence of anyone who knows me. I am getting better at using words to say how I feel, but I still most often revert to joking around. Especially when I am really uncomfortable. When I get nervous I ratchet up the level of sarcasm until it's dryer than that Sahara...that was a joke that didn't really work there. There were too many factors for it to be successful. Ah well. We'll get 'em next time.

Huh, well. That was a strange post. I used a para-paradox to springboard into a pagan ritual to sail into reminiscing to talk about my feelings. From that description you'd think it would have been more interesting. But it is what it is.

GO CUBS!!!

A Series of Letters

I'm choosing to let everyone in on some letters that I have composed. They are more like notes really, but they are every bit as meaningful as a longer letter to me...and I assume to my audience.

So- without further ado - open letters:

Dear Left Foot -

What's the problem? I mean, I know we've had our ups and downs (literally), but the pain is getting ridiculous. What are you trying to tell me? Are you broken? Sprained? Do you just need attention? I know that I favor the right side, but that's most just a hand thing. I love both you feet equally...although if you don't start behaving, I'm probably going to end up loving the right foot more.

I just feel like I give and give and get nothing in return. I bought you special insoles. I keep you elevated and rested and I've been giving you Advil. When is it my turn to reap some rewards. And by rewards I mean, just stop hurting every time I take a step. Is that really too much to ask?

I'll cut you off. Just ask my nose. I would do it out of spite. Shape up left foot. Be more like your brother, right foot.

-Rose

Dear Hair,

Hi! Long time no see. We've been together for a long time now, through thick and thin (no, mostly just thin) and for the most part we've done well together. But I can't keep supporting your lifestyle choices. I know that you don't get along well with humidity, but I fail to see how that is my problem. Why is it that you can't just lay flat, smooth and shiny? Why, at the first hint of rain, must you rise up to become frizzy and unmanageable?

I feel that I am pretty nice to you. I'm not like other girls I see with the dyeing and the constant blow-drying and curling and product placement. No, I'm fairly low maintenance. I wash you, I condition, sometimes I rinse and repeat. Yet, you choose to disobey. It hurts me, hair, it hurts me. I don't really like to threaten, but I see a hot iron in your future. I'll twist you around until you don't know what hit you. I'll spray you so full of hairspray that you'll never come undone. Do you hear me hair? Start dealing with the humidity constructively or you are going to be in for a world of hurt.

-Rose

Dear 11:15 Plaen View Bus Driver,

While I applaud your liberal use of the horn in traffic and your constant impatience- two qualities I, myself, posses- I would like to offer some light criticism. While I believe that getting me from point A to point B in the shortest possible time is commendable, I feel that some of your tactics on the road might be seen as dangerous. The tailgating of the cars in front of us on that curvy road. The near misses that we have with pedestrians in the cross walk. The sudden, swift starts and stops that we make.

Additionally, I'm not sure why you refuse to stop at the bus stop that is on the street corner of the street I live on. You always stop a street before that at a place that does not have a bus stop sign or really any meaningful marker. I'm not really criticizing. If that's your bag, ok, cool. It's just somewhat weird. And I'm also not really sure what happened today when the guy pulled the bell for my stop and you stopped early and then he told you that he wanted to go to the corner, but then got out anyway and then you pulled away so fast that I wasn't able to get out, so that I was forced down into the seat, even though I was sitting at the front and trying to exit. I mean, it worked out well for me because that guy was at the bus stop on my corner, so you had to stop and I did get out, but I'm just wondering why we have to play these games?

And in case by some strange coincidence of the universe, you read random blogs...I'm the tall, leggy, blond girl that rides your bus.

-Concerned Passenger

Dear Stranger in a Red Truck,

Hello, sir. I just wanted to drop you a quick note to see if you had accomplished everything you needed to today with your, "hey baby" comment that you hurled at me out your window as you drove by. Was that everything you thought it would be? Did it go ok? I'm not sure what the purpose was, but I hope that by cat-calling to me out your window you were able to feel a sense of accomplishment and joy.

Bless you,

Girl walking in a Big Gray Sweatshirt and Ill-fitting Black Pants

Saturday is College Football Day...Apparently

Today I was going to go to the homecoming game, but I didn't want to walk the 1 mile there and 1 mile back (see how that works? it's physics or something). I didn't want to risk hurting my foot/ankle more. So I didn't go. But I hear it was a good time. Iowa lost though. I'd muster up some disappointment at this outcome, but I'm not really that emotionally invested.

In other sports news, the Cubs are the NL Central Division Champions. That's pretty sweet. Apparently I'm willing to emotionally invest in some sports. Who knew?

Right now I am waiting for Zach to start the movie and shut off the stupid college football that he is watching. I won the rock/paper/scissors contest (rock - for those of you wondering), so he has to get popcorn and iced tea and start the movie at 9 instead of 9:30 or 10:00 which was his previous estimate. I run a tight ship up in here at Casa de Halterman. Not really. I run a ship full of holes, rats and pirates, but again, I digress.

I was planning to write something coherent, some sort of essay. I really think that was my intention earlier, but sadly, I've forgotten what it was that I thought was so profound or possibly entertaining. I'll try to work on that for later.

I took a nap today and it just wiped me out. It was like an anti-nap or something. I woke up and now I'm all tired and groggy. Ah well. I also bought some new bras today. That's probably something that not everyone needs to know. But this is my blog and as I'm probably the only one who reads it with any regularity, I'll share what I want to. The woman in front of me in line was paying with a check. I was sort of unaware that people still used checks. I stopped to think about the purpose of a check. I mean, sure, you can use it to mail in with your monthly bills...although those are on-line now too. I don't know why you ever need to use a check when you are transacting in person. I'm not saying that everything has to be done with a debit card. Cash is cool too. But why, if you have the money in your checking account aren't you just paying with a debit card? Welcome to the 15th Annual Meeting of the Judgemental Whores Club. Sorry, mystery woman. If you want to pay by check, go for it. Who am I to judge?

I also read Dear Abby today. Reading that column unfailingly makes me shocked and awed. It's like that Van Buren woman is staging an offensive against me and it's totally working. I have to believe that these letters are fake. Are there really people out there with such lame problems who can't find a person in their lives to ask? I mean, really. I try not to read it, but sometimes after I finish the comics I still have a little leftover time and my eye wanders. Today there was a letter about a woman who is allergic to cold. She says that she can't eat, drink or breathe anything at a cold temperature for fear that she will die. I just right this minute (now, it was that minute) googled allergy to cold and according to the Mayo Clinic it's possible. Although they didn't mention death. Go ahead, google it yourself, you know you want to. Regardless of what the internet is telling me (All hail the Internet - Keeper of Knowledge) - I still find an allergy to cold hard to believe. Cold is not even a thing. It's a state. How can you be allergic to a state? Except for Florida. I can see being allergic to Florida. OOOOOOHHHHHH BURN!

Ok, I'm out. It's time for the movie and really the whole post was just a set-up for a single joke. Check and check. Good-night.

Dial F for Friday

It's almost the end of the month. That means it's really close to the end of me posting every day. I mean, maybe I still will...but likely not. Are you a tiny bit sadder now? Did some of the light just go out of your eyes? I know, I feel it too. Today I wanted to do something exciting and creative. But then I remembered that we're fresh out. So I decided upon a list of my favorite things. But not just any list. A 26 item list. Because the requirement is that each thing has to start with a letter of the alphabet. I also promise not to spend more than 10 minutes on this because I've got things to do (no, not really). So if you get bored easily. Thanks for stopping by and I'll try to be more entertaining tomorrow (don't count on it). If you are not the faint of heart - read on.

(begin time 3:50 PM)

Alphabet Favorites

Arizona (favorite state)
Birthday (favorite holiday)
Crime drama (favorite tv genre)
Disease (favorite thing to worry about)
Eggs (favorite breakfast food to keep me full)
F***(favorite expletive that makes you sound like a sailor)
Gonzo (favorite muppet)
Happy (favorite feeling, though perhaps not the most frequent)
IPod (favorite ruined item/gift idea)
Jerkwad (favorite insult that's not used enough)
Ken (favorite date for Barbie...I just have nothing on this one for some reason)
Land (favorite thing to stand on)
Me (favorite person to think of)
Narcissist (favorite personality type)
Ocean (favorite body of water)
Purses (favorite item to purchase and use once)
Quilts (favorite thing to think about making as my next craft project)
Rose (favorite person)
Silence (favorite sound next to my own voice)
Tea (Iced - notice the "d" at the end, it's not ice tea - favorite drink in the world)
Uvula (favorite clean word that sounds dirty)
Victory (favorite thing to lord over other people)
Wind (favorite weather condition to hate)
Xylophone (favorite word that starts with X)
Yo-yo (favorite toy that people (read: boys) can use to impress me)
Zach (favorite boyfriend ever)


(End time 4:01 PM)

I was so close to making it in 10 minutes. I didn't have a second hand, so maybe I really did make it. I'd like to think so.

And scene.

Thursday is the day after Wednesday

So in what seems to be a recurring theme here on My Blog is Better Than Your Blog - I have nothing interesting to say. But I still stand by the statement that my blog is better than your blog. Because the bar is really, really low.

I'll give you some random thoughts from the day. It's not exactly riveting, but it is fulfilling the quota and I'm all about just maintaining. No reason to try to excel just reach mediocrity.

Siggy (the iPod) is dead. R.I.P., Siggy, R.I.P. You will be missed. I think he's gone for good this time because well, just trust me, it doesn't bode well for him ever coming back. Oh well, you live, you love, your appliances die, your friends purchase you new appliances to replace the old...you learn to love again. It's the circle of life.

My foot still hurts. It hurts bad. I'm not going to the doctor though. Because as much as everyone thinks I'm a hypochondriac, I'm not. A hypochondriac likes to visit the doctor and "confirm" illness. I hate the doctor and I hate actually knowing if something is wrong with me. I prefer instead to make up wild fantasies in my head and see how they pan out. That's just the way I roll.

The Cubs lost again today. To the Marlins. The Marlins. I'm not going to act like I'm the biggest baseball fan ever, but I love the Cubs and I can't understand how they could lose 3 games to the Marlins...when the Marlins suck ass. And you know what People of Florida? You don't deserve a baseball team because your stadium wasn't even half full. People fill up Wrigley even when the Cubs are in last place. Shame, Floridans, shame. Seriously. Not just for the baseball either. Oooohh, ZING! The blog is politically relevant now. Well, it's politically relevant about 7 years in the past, but it's a start.

I'm watching Reaper right now. I didn't catch the start, but it seems a decent. Directed by Kevin Smith. Who also has a blog. And it's being turned into a book. A real book I guess, people approached him to publish it. Wow...looking back over the punctuation in this paragraph so far is sorta painful. Oh well, I'm pushing through. Anyway, I read a little bit of the blog and no offense, but the parts I read weren't that interesting. He did mention a kid though, so that probably counts for something. I just find it sort of hard to believe that his blog deserves a book. Although if for some reason Kevin Smith you've googled yourself, Kevin Smith and you are reading this Kevin Smith. I thought Mallrats was awesome. Except for Claire Forlani. She didn't seem like she could act her way out of a paper bag...although I've never understood why anyone would need to act themselves out of a paper bag. But I digress. Kevin Smith, your blog is alright, but I think we can all agree, mine's better.

And that's the Rose Show everybody! Goodnight!

Today Was A Good Day*

Today (or tonight rather) I bring you some updates and a story.

So my foot still hurts. It might hurt less than yesterday, but it's hard to tell. I'm too precious to suffer so I don't do it well.

Today I gave a presentation in front of a large group of people. It was only 5 minutes. People told me I did well. I don't know. I'm uber critical of myself, so I'm not a fair judge. I do know that I was talking really, really fast. Partway through I thought, "Man, I am talking way too fast." But by then I had momentum and I just had to plow through. But at least it's done now.

Jesse also mentioned that there is a "service" that will turn your blog into a book. I make you this promise people, if I get the iPod Nano (or similarly awesome gift) for my birthday, the party favors are going to be books. Books of this blog. That's right, that offer just happened. I know, I know, some of you are wetting yourselves now. And those of you who know me are just so excited about the possibility. I know, I know.

I'm currently not dead from eating any broken glass. I'm not sure when the danger will be passed though because I don't know how long it takes glass in your system to kill you. I'm not a doctor. I just play one in my mind.

And now, the story. Zach works at a property management company and he gets to field calls from the tenants. Sometimes they yell at him. Sometimes they ask him annoying questions. And sometimes they just hand him comic gold:

A girl calls up and says, "Um...I have a problem."
"Ok, what can I help you with?"
"I think my oven is broken."
"Uh-huh and what's wrong with it?"
"Well, I turn it on and then it turns itself off and then I have to turn it on higher and then it turns itself off again and then finally I keep turning it up until I can't turn it up any higher and it still shuts itself off."

Do you see where this story is going? Because it's awesome. And if you don't see where this is going then, that's just sad for you. Sad for you and the privileged princess that can't use her oven.

So at this point, Zach has to put her on hold so that he can laugh at her because he can't contain himself any longer.

Zach, "Ok, so um...here's what I think is happening. I think your stove still works. What happens is that the stove is preheating. So it's not actually turning off."
"Huh...um...ok, see I don't cook a lot."

Newsflash, really? Really, you don't cook a lot? I never would have guessed. No, I'm being sarcastic. I would totally have guessed.

"Why don't you try turning it on and putting something in there to cook and if I doesn't cook then you can call us back and I'll send someone out."
"Ok"

He reports that after a little bit, she seemed to feel a little abashed. I think it's awesome that this girl is able to be in an apartment by herself (or with some unlucky roommate) and she doesn't know how an oven works. What kind of special life did she lead that she's never used an oven? Zach said, "What kind of mean nanny, doesn't teach a kid how to work a stove?" It's a good point. We laughed for a long time yesterday when he told me. It's just incredible that she didn't feel that the oven was really, really hot. You'd think by trial-and-error she would have figured out that it was working. I mean, a trained monkey can make a frozen pizza - no offense intended to the trained monkeys reading this blog. I imagine her in the apartment, frozen food in hand, just sitting there hungry and trying to figure out what to do. And finally concluding that maybe it's a KFC kind of night.

Ok, that's it for now. I'm tired and I need to go to sleep.

Good-night.

*I do love me some Ice Cube.