Scenes from My Day

Upon waking at 7 AM I contemplate the fact that I was last awake at 3 AM. "Wow. Four hours in a row", I think, "I'm really getting a handle on this sleep thing."

While waiting at the red light I briefly consider making a left turn. Not because I believe I am better than the law, but because I forget for 20 seconds that you are not allowed to make a left turn on red.

I go to my school mailbox. There's a letter there. It causes me to wonder, "if your department chair starts giving you job announcements with the note, 'in case you are interested' on them, should you be concerned?" I am then concerned for the next two hours.

Walking back from lunch carrying a banana in my hand I run into at least 5 other people carrying bananas (sometimes two) as well. It causes me to question the meaning of life for the next 5 minutes. The answer is still 42.

Later. Listening to Pandora. While I feel that the music genome project is often accurate in its choices, I find that today it is way off. SHAME on you, Pandora, shame on you. While listening I rediscover that I don't like Lynyrd Skynyrd. Not because of the spelling, although just using "y" as a vowel isn't all that impressive to me. But because I don't like them. Suck it, Skynyrd.

A little later. A panic ensues. I need to keep my head above water. Writing a blog entry does not qualify. Though it has been an entertaining break.

Until we, well whatever this is, again.

...And We're Back!

Hey Internet!

Remember me? I know, I've been neglecting you lately. In the time since we've seen each other I've become a Doctor (the real kind, not an M.D.). This made it hard for me to do anything but work on the Ph.D. dissertation. I'm back now. I moved. I started a big girl job. I bought a real adult living room set (not adult like have to show ID to rent it, but adult like mature). Um...you know, things are happening.

We're heading into my favorite time of year - Fall. Or Autumn. Or "the time when it stops being humid and starts getting a little chilly, but not too chilly and you get to start wearing sweaters and the leaves look awesome". With the advent of Fall I have decided to start things anew. Don't get me wrong, I'm not really less busy now than I have been in recent months, but I feel as though I need to get my life more in order.

Here are some things I want to do:

1. Write more often in the blog.
2. Bring the funny.
3. Reconnect and restore relationships - I love everyone, I've just been too tired to keep up with things.
4. Some other things, back off internet, I don't have to tell you everything.

Anyway, enjoy the new blog format and I'll work on actually posting more than once every 5 months.

Ah, the simpler times

Sometimes I think that the advent of all the new ways to keep track of people has ruined some of the innocence that we all used to have and that our* children will probably never have. I remember a time when to playfully stalk someone you had a crush on you had to get your butt in the car and drive by their house....sometimes multiple times in the evening....to see what they were doing. Now, you can be the person's facebook friend or follow them on twitter or google them on the internet and you don't even have to leave the comfort of your pajamas** in order to know what they are doing at every moment of the day. I guess it's hard to say whether that's better or worse than physically getting out there and driving past the person's house, but I somehow feel like it is. At least when I was doing the stalking of my youth I was active about it. It meant something. It meant that I was putting a decent amount of effort into driving by that person's house...repeatedly...

One time we spent 5 hours in the car driving around a neighborhood to look at the house's of boys on the Greenway Basketball Team. Why? Because we were teenage girls, we had a car, we had lots of time on our hands, and the thrill of the hunt cannot be denied. Sure, some of you may think that I hung out with weirdos or am strange for doing that, but I think it's a normal teenage thing or at least it was in my day. I've become old recently. Yes, yes, 30 is the new 20, but still, I'm old. I'm somewhat set in my ways. And I'm completely nostalgic for simpler times. Times when it wasn't as easy as sitting at home in front of my computer to find out what every person I have ever met is doing at 10PM on a Wednesday night. It's mind-boggling to me that a) I care and b) I can find out so easily.

I guess that perhaps the strangest thing is that I'm not generally that interested in what other people are doing. That sounds way more arrogant than I meant it to be. Um...I do care what other people are doing, but I don't feel like I have enough time or energy to care about what's going on in my own life, let alone what's going on in the lives of people I haven't seen in over 10 years...and yet...I've gotten sucked in. Facebook especially is like this black hole of knowledge that sucks me in. I find myself powerless to get away. I just keep reading. Keep finding people that I haven't spoken to in years. Keep posting. But why? Why is it so damn fascinating to know what's going on in the lives of other people all the time? And yes, I do get that posting something like this on a blog about my life might be ironic, but I do it with a straight face.

When did it become almost socially unacceptable not to be hooked in to everyone all day? If you don't have a "smart phone" and the internet and a computer and a bunch of "social networking" accounts at your fingertips at every second, people tend to give you the stink eye. Why? What's so social about social networking? Especially because it allows us to almost disconnect and become invisible watchers to everyone we know. Big Brother is here and it's us. We are watching.

I don't say all this as a holier-than-thou rant about how superior I am for having a stupid phone and limiting myself to about 15 minutes a day on the facebook. No, I don't. I'm in it to win it with everyone else. It just made me wonder today about what is happening to us. Is this the new world order? Do I know what that phrase means? Am I asking questions to the ether in order to avoid writing my dissertation? The answer to all those questions is likely yes.

Speaking of which, I have to go write my dissertation now as I sit in my office at school drinking water and listening to relaxing sounds on my ipod and contemplating eating dinner even though it's only 4:30 in the afternoon. More details on facebook if you want them.

*When I say, "our", what I mean is "your" because I don't have any children.
**To be fair, we also used to drive around in our pajamas.

Tonight my friend, who shall remain anonymous to protect the innocent, and I rented a little movie called, "Whiteout". It was not a great movie, in fact, it was a bad movie, but it did allow for two awesome things to happen. One, my friend and I talked through the entire movie because we were bored. Two, at one point this conversation happened:

At some point in the movie (I'll not spoil it for you by going into too much detail), Kate Beckinsale decides that she needs to stick her hand into the chest cavity of a cadaver because she thinks there might be treasure in there.

Friend: "That's gross! Can you even imagine sticking your hand in a dead person's chest?"

Me (with all earnestness): "I know, right? Without gloves? That's so gross."

Because that's how I roll. I'll dig in a dead body, but for the love of god I'm going to need a lot of layers of protection between my skin and the germs. I'm not some kind of sicko.

In other news, I believe that the secret ingredient at Jimmy John's is crack. For the past two days for lunch and dinner, my friend and I have eaten the same meal: A #6, no mayo and a bag of chips. You think it'd be tiring, but there's nothing I like more than routine.

Well, I have to get up tomorrow and write some dissertation type writing, so I am going to say goodnight to the internet now. I know this post was short and sort of a tease, but so is _______ (insert name of enemy in blank).

It's Not Me, It's Them.

Today brought me two rejection letters, but I've got to say, save for the time I got a frosty for a break-up of a relationship that never really happened***, these were by far the nicest rejections I've ever had. Especially the second one. That one is from a southern university. They do it right in the south. It's like they told me that I'm too good for them. I like it. Lie to me people, lie to me.

Rejection #1

Thank you for taking the time to speak with the search committee via telephone for the position of Assistant Professor of Psychology. The Search Committee enjoyed discussing your credentials with you and the opportunity to get to know you further. Your qualifications made you an extremely strong candidate. Our apologies for the length of time it has taken to get back in contact with you, however the filling of such a position is a carefully considered process and can take some time. We were fortunate to have had an exceptionally well-qualified group of applicants.

The search committee was impressed with your candidacy however this letter is to advise you that they have extended an offer and received a commitment from a particularly strong applicant who brings a wealth of experience with them and whose specific qualifications more closely fit the needs of the position.

The search committee thanks you for your interest and wish you the very best as you consider your future career path.

Rejection # 2

We have completed our initial and second reviews of candidates for our Assistant Professor of Psychology (General Experimental/Cognitive) job opening. It is with regret that I inform you that we will not be able to offer you an opportunity to interview for our open position. Our consideration of candidates like you whose background is appropriate to our opening focused on our needs as an institution whose primary mission is teaching (within and outside of psychology) and general service to the institution. While your references were positive, your materials engaging, and your research and professional development accomplishments impressive, we do not believe that our position will fit your professional goals. Your work (and teaching evaluations from Cognitive Psychology) make it clear that you are a scholar whose talents will be in demand and that you will make in impact on our field.

We thank you for considering our college and wish you only the best in your job search.

***If you understand this we've been friends more than 10 years or I've bored you to death and told you every story from my life.

Two Weeks

I came to the realization today that due to my poor math skills, I actually only have two weeks until my dissertation goes out to my committee, not three like I thought. Apparently, I will never master that whole "counting" thing. Thankfully, I married a man who is able to do math and all sorts of things that I can't do. That's a plus or a division sign, honestly, I'm not sure how math works.

I think there is the possibility that I will actually finish the dissertation, turn it in, defend it, and graduate in May. It feels as though it could happen. It also feels as if I will fail miserably. I'm a woman of extremes. I want to put out to the universe that I will do well. But honestly, it's a lot of work and I'm just getting tired. So tired.

But I suppose that's life. We all make choices. Some of us choose to get a Ph.D. and then work at a McDonald's. That's fine though. I'm still going to make everyone call me Dr. Rose. They'll be yelling, "Dr. Rose, let's get a move on, I need two large fries over here!" And I'll be like, "Yeah, you do." Then I'll launch into a little discussion of cognitive dissonance - how the people who are ordering the fast food know it is bad for them, but are still eating it so there is a disparity between their beliefs and their behaviors which is uncomfortable for humans. So the choices are to either not eat the food or to somehow justify it, "I only do this once in awhile. I got the diet coke, etc." No one will be listening to me, but I'll feel good about putting some of my education to use. I really hope that the dishwashers have master's degrees and we can all go out on smoke breaks and talk about the glory days of graduate school. I don't envision making it to manager because I don't think I could handle the stress (and I'm actually not mocking McDonald's managers- I really don't think I could deal with it). So I'll probably just work the fry-a-lator and bide my time until I can work my way up to the cash register. Although, there are two things about that job that will likely prove to be obstacles. First, I don't like touching money (germs! everywhere!) and second, as previously mentioned, I can't do math. Either people would be very happy with the change they got back or very angry.

I guess there's a lesson to be learned in all this. I'm pretty sure that life is all about the teaching of lessons. But I'm not quite far enough away from all this yet to see the lesson. I'm hoping that with all that time working the fry machine, I'll be able to figure out the life lesson from these past 6 years.

Did You Miss Me?

Hi Internet,

It's been awhile. I'm trying to write my dissertation and let me just say this about that - it's just as fun as you've always thought it would be. Because I am writing (read: not writing and feeling guilty) the dissertation, I have very little brain power left to string together coherent thoughts. In fact, if you were to look at the dissertation you'd probably say I don't have enough power to string together coherent thoughts for that either, but I digress.

I decided that I need to practice writing something that I enjoy. And as many of you know, there is nothing I enjoy more than writing romantic comedies. No, just kidding. That's not true. I'm lying for the attention. But in the shower today I thought, "I'll write a nice entry a day or something to keep my on my toes (not literally)." As a side note about the shower, I had to get back into the shower after drying my hair and then realizing that I had shaved my right leg, but not my left leg. That's how well I'm doing lately. But don't worry, it's not visual neglect*, so there's the upside.

Anyway, I think we all know that my best work comes when I chose a topic and then write about it. Well, not a topic, a letter. So without further ado, today's blog entry is brought you by the letter A.

I have a couple choice words that start with A that I could string together, but my parents always told me that if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. So I'll choose different words.

A is for Abstract - an abstract is the beginning part of scientific paper in which the Author or Authors (look at me going for the bonus points) sum up what the paper is about. It's usually about 150 to 250 words and goes through each section of the paper in short order and lays it all out. This is done for anyone who is lazy and doesn't want to read the entire paper, and really, why would you? But the abstract can often be misleading. To use an Analogy, often the abstract is written as though by Cliff**. It's close to what goes on, but you probably should have read the book. Here's what the abstract to my dissertation should really look like:

Here lies the dissertation of Rose Danek. She began this research with a zest for research and a love of the topic. She ends this research with a desire to never do research again and a cynical view of the research process. The following experiments reported are the ones that worked. There were about 10 more that were run and didn't work. This is common in research. Anyone who says differently is lying. She wrote some things down and at this point can't really remember what they were. If you are still interested you should read the paper. This is the last hoop that I had to jump through and by God, if it didn't kill me, I think it made me stronger.

Tune in tomorrow when our Blog will be brought to you from the Letter B.

*That's a little joke for my neuroscience friends.

**That's a little joke about Cliff Notes.***

***That's a reference to my insecurity about people getting my subtle humor.

Hello Again

Things I Should be Doing:

1. Writing my dissertation

2. Preparing for a phone interview on Saturday

3. Applying for more jobs

4. Cleaning my house

5. Losing 50 pounds

6. Analyzing data

7. Programming new experiments and testing them

8. Preparing a job talk

9. Preparing for my Brown Bag Presentation on Feb. 17

10. Loads of other things

Things I Feel Like Doing:

1. Eating

2. Sleeping

3. Watching television

Do you see the problem here? I keep denying that there may be a problem, but I'm starting to think that maybe I should start working on some of those things I have to do. It feels so much easier to just stick my head in the sand and ignore the things I have to do. Oh, winter malaise. I miss the sunshine. But oh well, such is life. I did do some exercise today and I have a plan to make a nice schedule of my time tomorrow...and actually stick to it.

In other news...I've failed at taking a picture of myself a day...but I did put up a bunch of pictures in my house in picture frames, so that's nice. The weather has been just delightful lately, cold, snowy and gray, very gray. I think everyone I know is suffering from it, but I suppose that at least when spring comes we'll all be overwhelmed by the beauty.

Until next time.

Clue - The Rose is 30 Edition

It's official, I am now 30. I can no longer be trusted, but it's cool. I feel pretty good about it. I mentioned in my last post that my awesome friends made me a Clue game. I believe you can follow the link below to see some pictures of the awesomeness:

Rose Clue

I usually use my birthday to make "new year's resolutions" because it feels like a new year of my life starts on my birthday. Plus, my birthday is the best holiday ever. Anyway, I decided to take a picture a day for the year...yeah, we'll see how long that lasts. Here's the last two days photos:

This is me at 30

This is 30 + 1