(Original Post Date: August 30, 2006)

Not too surprising that I'm already writing another blog entry. Like most of us, I have the capacity to stick to a project for approximately a week before I abandon it. If projects were kids, I would be in jail by now. That's the metaphor I'm going to go with. You go ahead and make up your own metaphors, it's ok, I'll wait. Did you come up with some comic gold there?

Good for you. If not, just keep trying. Comedy is like tripping over the dog and falling face first into a waiting pie, actually I guess that's slapstick, but I digress.

As I was saying, I am able to keep up with a project for a small amount of time. Just like my goal to lose weight and diet…which always lasts for about 3 days before I say, "I must eat a pint of ice cream and a bag of potato chips or I will die." (Note: That's not always what I say. Sometimes I say that I deserve to eat dinner out and then order the fried food combo platter, but you get the general idea.) I guess what I am saying is, "enjoy it while you can". Which should be my motto for life, but isn't. I think my official motto might be "fear herpes (mouth variety), worry frequently and carry a big stick". Ok, that last part was Roosevelt's motto, but it seems like sound advice.

Today's entry will be the first in a series I call, "I hate water and everything it represents." I have quite a lot to say on the subject, but today I will confine myself to my hatred of humidity.

For those of you native (or nearly native) to Arizona, you don't know what humidity is. I know that on occasion it feels somewhat "sticky" or damp, but that's not humidity. Humidity is walking outside (or in my case, because I don't have "central air", into my house) and feeling as though you have LITERALLY walked into a big boiling pot of split pea soup- complete with ham bone. Yes, that is humidity. When your clothes stick to your body, your make-up runs off your face and your thighs stick together (more than normal…some of you skinny people may not know what I am talking about with the thighs, but trust me, it's unpleasant). It's like living underwater with none of the benefits (the benefits being: pretty fish, sea horses and several cute underwater animals to be named later). Yes, I hate humidity. And yet, I chose to move to a place that is constantly or almost constantly shrouded in humidity. Cloaked in humidity. Suffocated in humidity. Why? I don't know, but I think the answer is water. Everyone here loves water. "Water is great!", they say. "Water makes it GREEN here. Green is great. I love water." That's how they all talk. They are a simple folk here. But you know what comes with water? Humidity, rain, snow, frost, mold, mildew, pollen, plague, pestilence and locusts. That's what water brings. Give me the desert any day. Man, I need to go home for a bit.

Well…that's what I've got to say for now. I'll be regaling you with other tales from my life later. Right now I have to go see a man about a horse (no, not really).