Thanksgiving 2008

Has this ever happened to you? You move to the middle of nowhere away from all of your family and friends. You husband works the second shift and can't get holidays off. Well, it's happened to me. This is what I did about it. Today we decided to make an actual Thanksgiving holiday instead of just wallowing in the misery of not having anyone else to share it with. Actually, Zach and I are very happy in each other's company (as I may have mentioned here before) so we were thankful to be together. I made dinner and we ate and celebrated. Now Zach's at work and actually so am I. But I only just got in here a little bit ago.

Here are our Thanksgiving decorations. My Aunt gave them to us. They are cute. We are super festive.


This is the tofurkey getting a bath with some carrots and cranberries. It tastes a lot better than it looks. We went with tofurkey because a whole turkey is too much. I'm not sure I'm a huge fan of turkey anyway. And it's a tradition that Zach remembers from when he didn't eat meat. It was good.


Here are the sides: dinner rolls, gravy and some Cran-Apple Delight (amazing). Not pictured: Au Gratin Potatoes.


Here's where we ate our feast:

You can see the place mats I made. Here's a close-up:


This is what our plates looked like:


Zach shows us how it's done:



Happy Thanksgiving to one and all from your favorite couple:
(This was honestly the least blurry picture of us. Whatever... Also, check out that amazing turkey waddle I've got going on...sigh, damn you Old Man Winter and your pushing me to retain weight.)

PSA: Beware the Single Male

I bring to you tonight a Public Service Announcement* about a problem that is plaguing many couples not only here in the United States, but in the world as a whole (I imagine...yeah, I'm not going to fact check this, but I'm sure this problem is universal). I'm talking, of course, about the Single Male. The Single Male (SM) is a boil on the ass of humanity and has been for years. Use any ointment that you want, that irritation isn't going anywhere.

It's interesting to note that in fact, it is only the Male of the Species Single that is problematic. Single Females are a blessing to relationships everywhere. The Single Female provides a reason for Attached Females to cling more closely to any semblance of a relationship that they have. Case studies have revealed that Single Females cause Attached Females to have thoughts such as these:

"Hmm...Phil doesn't really help out around the house. But you know what? It could be worse. Look at poor Jessica, she's been alone for years. I'm so lucky to even have Phil. You know what? I'm going to bring him another beer, all those chips I put in a bowl for him to eat while he watches football for the 5th straight hour are probably making him thirsty. Yeah, I'm gonna stick this relationship out because the alternative is just bleak."

Single Females are also helpful for driving a Single Male into a relationship often serving as a "surrogate" mate for the SM. The Single Female, often striving for the love and attention that she wants, will act as the perfect mate for the SM. Cooking, cleaning, not complaining, etc. Counterinuitively, this often serves to drive the SM in question into a series of questionable relationships with other SFs who are not as accommodating. Then eventually the SM is an Attached Male.

Single Females therefore are a positive influence on relationships. I'll go so far as to say that they might even be the glue that holds the world together. Thanks, Ladies!

But I digress. While SFs are awesome, Single Males are problematic. Let's consider the impact of SMs in our daily lives. SMs are a threat to all relationships for the following reasons:

First let's consider the SM, Attached Female scenario. As Chris Rock says, "Men don't have platonic friends, at least not on purpose." SMs are essentially just waiting to ruin it for the couple and get in good with the Attached Female.

Even more devastating however is the SM, Attached Male relationship. The SM friend of your spouse/boyfriend/"partner"/whatever is always trying to ruin your relationship. It is the SM that will convince your mate that it is a good idea to stay out until 5 in the morning and not call because "Man, it's gonna be fun". The SM will try to undermine you at every turn, "She wants you to do what now? Put down the toilet seat?? That's just unfair. She's a harpy, dude. A blood-sucking harpy. I mean, great gal though, just wow..." The SM will remind your mate how much "fun" single life was. The SM will take your mate out in an attempt to pick up chicks just to let your mate get a taste of the single life once again. And you know that's just temptation. The SM is the snake and your mate is Eve and damned if you didn't just get thrown out of Eden again. The SM means well. He does. He wants a buddy, a pal, a bowling partner, a friend in times of need. But he often doesn't want the pesky emotional baggage of the female mate. And so he seeks to drive a wedge between the couple so that he can gain what he wants - more time with your mate.

It's hard to blame the SM, he just wants what you want. But you must be vigilantly on guard against the SM or you will soon find yourself as one half of the greatest duo ever (no, not Sigfried and Roy). Here are some warning signs that the SM is moving in on your turf:

1. Calls and/or texts all the time.
2. SM buys lots of expensive gaming systems and always needs someone to play with.
3. SM calls your mate his "wingman"
4. If you can't find your mate, he's always with the SM.

If any of these symptoms start occurring, don't wait! The problem will only get worse the longer that you tolerate it. Ways to combat this problem include**:

1. Nagging
2. Ultimatums
3. Crying
4. Flirting with the SM




*The more you know, the more you grow.
**Disclaimer: None of these tips are likely to work. In fact, they will work in favor of the SM for the most part. SO INSIDIOUS.

All the News That's Fit to Print (where news = rambling)

I currently write this using a pen and steno pad at the main library on campus. As part of my "write for at least 30 minutes a day goal", I am writing a blog entry by hand. My secretary* will type it up later. I don't feel much like transitions or smooth segues, so don't expect a cohesive narrative. It's November 5th, the day after the United States elected a democrat into office. I choose not to get all political , but I think we all pretty much know how we feel about that. So go us.

Also in recent news, I am sitting at a desk in the library on which is written quite the little gem of a "poem". I won't share it here because it's vulgar and might be offensive to a few loyal readers, but if you want to know what it says, email me and I will tell you. But I won't say it out loud because it makes me blush a little. No, who am I kidding? With my swarthy Italian features and coloring- I don't blush- unless I apply it myself "much too noticeably" according to my husband. He's happiest when I don't wear makeup, have my hair in pigtails, oh and I carry the 50 - 60 extra lbs....oh yeah, love is grand.

In still other news, I bought 3 headbands for $5 (total) yesterday. I have, to date, only asked Zach 5 times if I will get lice from wearing them, a personal best. I have however asked him about 40 times if I will get mouth herpes** from the girl who came into my lab to run in my experiment. She had a big mouth herpe sore (you know, scabby/somewhat open/gaping/oozing wound) on her lip - which she touched about 500 milliseconds before I handed here a clipboard, pen and some forms to fill out. I almost jerked back the stuff before she could infect it and told her to get the hell out, but I am almost positive that it would have been against IRB guidelines and I'd be brought up on ethics charges. So I let her do the experiment, then I used alcohol pads to scrub down everything she might have touched, threw away the pen she used, put the clipboard on a shelf to allow the germs to die a slow death on their own and washed my hands approximately 20 times. I really wish I was exaggerating for comic effect, but well, you know me. Later in the day another participant made me shake his hand which also resulted in copious hand washing. Here's the deal: If you don't know me, don't touch me. If you do know me, don't touch me unless all your outbreaks are under control***. I'd basically like to see everyone follow a "hands off" approach to Rose.

In yet more random unrelated news, I have started to use my "book of lists" book in order to...ok...no purpose, but I did start doing it. The author says, "everyone should have an autobiography, here's a way to do it with lists." She has a website as well with a bunch of lists on it. Anyway, I thought I might start posting some of the lists here. I LOVE LISTS! If I had to make a list of things I love, the act of making that list would be on there.

And in that spirit, I bring you - a list of things I am currently thinking:

1. That stupid guy in the tie dye shirt is making a bit too much noise (read: I think he sighed 2 minutes ago) for a library.
2. This floor was deserted, now he's invading my territory.
3. I am very territorial, I wonder why that is.
4. I should have studied social psychology.
5. When the hell is that alarm going to ring so that I know I've written for 30 minutes?
6. Today I've eaten McDonald's chicken biscuit breakfast sandwich and a hash brown and a snickers dark bar. Can you say disorder?
7. Whatever, I made tuna noodle casserole and a really healthy salad this morning for dinner, so that's good.
8. Seriously, how much longer?
9. What will I do when I finish this, I need to do work.
10. I wonder if the wasp in my office will kill the rest of the flies in there and those Asian beetles too.
11. If it does I hope it takes away the bodies. I'm sick of cleaning up fly corpses.
12. No, I'm not kidding. I have buried**** at least 10 flies and there are more in there each day.
13. I think I will go find a nice chair to read in after I am done writing this.
14. I wonder how many people with mouth herpes used this desk.
15. Thank God, the alarm went off and now I have to go wash.


*I am also my secretary, and I am the boss of me.
**Cold sores...they are mouth herpes...look it up.
***Honestly, H., this isn't aimed specifically at you. I love you.
****I don't actually bury them, I just throw them away.

Yeah, Yeah, I'm not Writing Much Lately

So we're down to less than a week before Halloween. I was all, "I'm gonna write everyday until Halloween", but I lied. I lied to you all. I'm sorry. I'm not sorry for not writing, but I'm sorry I lied to you. But I'm here today to make amends. Here are some things that have been going on in my life, in no particular order, with no transitions between thoughts. You want smooth transitions and chronological order, you go read someone else's blog. Ok, sorry, I've got a real surly tone that I don't mean to have. Anyway, here's what's been going on:

• I went to a writing seminar put on by the Graduate College yesterday. It was good. The speaker was funny and inspiring and I am making a plan for writing more, which is the goal. So that's exciting. I didn't think that I would enjoy the seminar quite as much as I did. I like pleasant surprises like that.
  
• Also yesterday was "horror movie camp out day". Zach and I rented 3 movies at the low, low price of 99 cents each. We rented two that one of us had seen and one that neither of us had seen. I chose Lake Placid. Because I like that movie. In fact, I kinda love that movie. It's super funny and it's just scary enough without being gory and uber violent. It was just as awesome as I remember it. Zach liked it too. We had a fun time watching. Then we watched Tremors (Zach's pick). I had never seen Tremors before, but again, it was funny, it was scary, but the nice kind of scary. Good picks! Fun times! So imagine my horror (ha ha, see what I did there) when we put on The Hills Have Eyes (no, you do not get a link because I hate this movie). Ok, so I guess I'm just not meant for real horror, but c'mon! This movie was super gory, super gross, super depressing, super everything bad. We started it first last night, but about 20 minutes in I said, "You know what, Zach? I'm gonna pass on this." But we just finished it up today. Mistake. I did not like it. I must say that I am the best at reviewing movies that ever existed. I really captured all of them. Lake Placid and Tremors = GOOD. Hills Have Eyes = REALLY BAD
• You may or may not have noticed that I mentioned it was "horror movie camp out" day. You might be saying to yourself, "huh, I get the horror movie part, but I'm confused on the camp out part." Well, we ate chili and cornbread and watched the movies in....our tent. A tent set up in the bedroom in front of the TV. It was just like camping if your version of camping involves, indoor plumbing, electricity and central heating. I think we all know how well I do with camping as I've told that story before and again and again. Anyway, camping last night was much more fun. We camped, and ate and watched appropriately horrifying films. A good time was had by all.
• I've been busy not buying candy for Halloween and not planning a Halloween Party. Oh sure, it'd be nice to do, but alas, I'm not that popular and I don't have the will power to resist candy in my home.
• I've been working, that's never that exciting to describe, is it?
• I can go pick up another movie today at the library, that movie, The Birds. I'm sooooo excited. I started watching it on TCM and it is awesome! It's totally scary and yet not gory and gross and stupid like another movie I could name (yeah, I'm looking at you, Hills Have Eyes). But I didn't get to finish it and Zach didn't get to see it all either. But now we'll have it on DVD from the library. Libraries are the best because they give you things for free. What an awesome system.
• I leave you with these pictures of "Halloween costumes" that a certain awesome person sent me. They border on the super cute and super creepy. I'm leaning toward creepy, but it's hard to decide. I wonder if these are even legitimate costumes or just a sick, sick fantasy.
  

11 Days 'Til Halloween: Aging Edition

I'm getting older. True, I'm still at the age where I can be trusted (I'll let you figure that out on your own, think of it as homework), but I'm apparently getting up there. The thing that really seems to frighten me lately is that I'm considered older by all the clues in the environment. Last night while I watching "Chuck" one of the main characters was going to her high school reunion. The year she graduated? 1998. I graduated in 1998. I'm the same age as the character I'm watching on television who has a real job, a life, etc. It's just mind-boggling. I think part of the problem is that I'm still in school, so I don't quite feel like an adult yet. But I'm there. I'm an adult. It's crazy. And it scares me.

The fact that there are 18 year olds out there who were born in 1990 is scary to me. Seriously? What happened to time? Where does it go?

I had more on the subject, but I'm getting up there and things slip my mind pretty easily these days. Instead I bring you this website which also has random comics on it. Enjoy!

12 Days of Halloween

So I figured out how to make myself post each day. For the upcoming 12 days of Halloween I will talk about things that I fear. Because Halloween often equals fear. I'm sure there are those of you who can't imagine how I will fill 12 days with things I fear, but surprisingly I have a lot of material.

So, without further ado, here is today's topic o' fear:

Spiders.

I do not like spiders. I fear them. Except for those little teeny tiny ones that jump. Those ones are cute. I don't know if it's the jumping or the tinniness but I just think they are super cute and I refuse to fear them. But all the other ones. The ones that are only slightly larger than teeny tiny and about as upwardly mobile as...fill in your own simile here. I have a couple, but they all seem wrong.

Anywho, I fear spiders. So imagine my dismay the other day when I got in the car at night to go home from grocery shopping and a spider was in the car. On the dashboard. About 2 feet from me. The spider seemed to be upset that I was in its domain. It decided to build a web on the dashboard while I drove. I was not a fan of this because it meant that the spider was in motion. Unfortunately for me, I was also in motion. I had to operate a death machine, I mean, car. In the dark. At night. So a lot of time it was too dark to see what the spider had in mind for me. Every so often I would pass under some source of light and see where the spider had ended up. It was sort of a scary death ride. And, perhaps most frightening, I have no idea what happened to the spider. So every time I get into the car I might be attacked. I imagine it inching its way up the driver's seat...closer...closer to my neck...until...wham....vampire spider bite. Oh...it's so chilling.

And for anyone who is wondering, no, no killing spiders. I let them be. I used to make Zach take them outside, but then I heard that inside spiders often die outside. So now, I just try not to notice them. Although we did have these crazy human-hungry spiders that built webs in the doorways of the house (the outside doors) and I did have to move them away from the house. They are huge spiders and apparently they only want to eat humans because they only make webs in our doorways. I cannot blame them. Zach and I would make quite a meal, but still, not cool.

If you want to be totally freaked out, you can check out some spiders here. Especially the one in the bottom right hand corner. I actually just jumped in my seat and kinda screamed a little bit.

Empty Promises

It's been awhile. I think it's time to post again. Apparently, I really can only write if I have a theme and have made a public promise. I think for me the only real joy in life comes from crossing something off a "to do" list. I don't think the quotes were necessary there, but I'm going to stick by them. Anyway, I'm going to figure out what it will take to get me posting again. Last time it was the alphabet so this time, maybe the number system? Real numbers, not those integers, we'll be here forever.

In the meantime, check out some of the random things that I have been using to fill my time:

Check out this "comic" (is one panel a comic? who am I to judge?) on the internet. This chick is pretty funny and also super random. But a lot of her stuff reminds me of me....not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Make sure you look at the archives. Delightful.

Internet television. I'm not going to apologize for watching TV. I love it. TV is like crack to me and most 4 year-olds. It's so great.

Working. I'd rather not say on what, let's just say it involves a plan for world domination. Oh, you know what? That's really saying too much already.

Worrying. It's really what I do best. But I'm getting in a 12 step program for that, so fingers crossed.

Making excuses. Let's face it. It's what I'm best at.

Ok, I've decided from now on, I'm going to post everyday until Halloween. It will be a Halloween Countdown Extravaganza! Hold on to your horses and hats and whatever else you've got handy.