The Weekend - Campfire Tale Edition Part 3

Last we left off. It was morning. FINALLY! And we were woken up by gun shots. Fine. Whatever. At this point, I'd welcome the sweet release of death, such is the agony of camping.

And that's when it hit me. The sudden desperate urge to go the bathroom. The kind of bathroom that you can't do for at least 100 yards from a water supply. Now they have bathrooms at the camp grounds. Nice ones. With running water and everything, but the only problem is, they are far away. We started walking to the bathrooms. And it started to become clear to me that I was going to have an accident of epic proportions if I didn't get going faster. We finally made it up to the car and I told Zach that I needed him to drive me the rest of the way to the bathrooms (they were on the road ahead of us). And then I looked the car and noticed the layer of ice that had formed during the night.

I said then something I thought I would never say, "Zach I think I'm just going to go right here and we're going to have to figure out how to clean it up later."

Zach said, "Just get in." And then proceeded to drive me to the bathroom on the gravel road with his head out the window because he couldn't see out the windshield. He pulled up the bathrooms, I jumped out of the car and made it. Just in the nick of time. Is it any wonder that I love this man? He's my hero. He made it possible for me to maintain some dignity after I kept him up half the night with the fear that we were going to be killed for our pelts. I love you, Zach. You poor bastard.

As we quietly drove back to camp, I thought, "yeah, it's definitely time to go." I asked Zach if we could just get the hell out of there and I promised to buy him the best breakfast ever with tons of coffee if we could please, please just pack up and get out. So we did. In record time. Under an hour and we were out of there. We had to make a bunch of fun trips to the car. With all the stuff. Uphill. On the way out we saw a buck, who didn't fear us in the least. He just stared us down as we walked by. And I saw two female deer. Who were blocking my path to the car. At this point, I was so desperate to get out of there that I would have been willing to fight deer. They were on the path in front of me and just stood there. I kept walking and when I got closer I just said, "Get the hell out of my way, you Bambis" (yes, I know, Bambi was a boy deer, but whatever). The one stamped its foot at me, but then they left.

Finally, we escaped and drove to a cafe for breakfast. It was pretty nice. We almost got the buffet, but I decided I'd overindulged enough. After that it was home to a nice long hot shower. Then bed for a nap. I was so sore from carrying all that stuff and sleeping on the ground. Awesome. The trip really made me appreciate that I don't have to live in the woods. Thank you ancestors for figuring out electricity, plumbing and sound structural principles, that I may sit in the lap of luxury away from scary things that go bump in the night.

The End