Scenes from My Day

Upon waking at 7 AM I contemplate the fact that I was last awake at 3 AM. "Wow. Four hours in a row", I think, "I'm really getting a handle on this sleep thing."

While waiting at the red light I briefly consider making a left turn. Not because I believe I am better than the law, but because I forget for 20 seconds that you are not allowed to make a left turn on red.

I go to my school mailbox. There's a letter there. It causes me to wonder, "if your department chair starts giving you job announcements with the note, 'in case you are interested' on them, should you be concerned?" I am then concerned for the next two hours.

Walking back from lunch carrying a banana in my hand I run into at least 5 other people carrying bananas (sometimes two) as well. It causes me to question the meaning of life for the next 5 minutes. The answer is still 42.

Later. Listening to Pandora. While I feel that the music genome project is often accurate in its choices, I find that today it is way off. SHAME on you, Pandora, shame on you. While listening I rediscover that I don't like Lynyrd Skynyrd. Not because of the spelling, although just using "y" as a vowel isn't all that impressive to me. But because I don't like them. Suck it, Skynyrd.

A little later. A panic ensues. I need to keep my head above water. Writing a blog entry does not qualify. Though it has been an entertaining break.

Until we, well whatever this is, again.

...And We're Back!

Hey Internet!

Remember me? I know, I've been neglecting you lately. In the time since we've seen each other I've become a Doctor (the real kind, not an M.D.). This made it hard for me to do anything but work on the Ph.D. dissertation. I'm back now. I moved. I started a big girl job. I bought a real adult living room set (not adult like have to show ID to rent it, but adult like mature). Um...you know, things are happening.

We're heading into my favorite time of year - Fall. Or Autumn. Or "the time when it stops being humid and starts getting a little chilly, but not too chilly and you get to start wearing sweaters and the leaves look awesome". With the advent of Fall I have decided to start things anew. Don't get me wrong, I'm not really less busy now than I have been in recent months, but I feel as though I need to get my life more in order.

Here are some things I want to do:

1. Write more often in the blog.
2. Bring the funny.
3. Reconnect and restore relationships - I love everyone, I've just been too tired to keep up with things.
4. Some other things, back off internet, I don't have to tell you everything.

Anyway, enjoy the new blog format and I'll work on actually posting more than once every 5 months.

Ah, the simpler times

Sometimes I think that the advent of all the new ways to keep track of people has ruined some of the innocence that we all used to have and that our* children will probably never have. I remember a time when to playfully stalk someone you had a crush on you had to get your butt in the car and drive by their house....sometimes multiple times in the evening....to see what they were doing. Now, you can be the person's facebook friend or follow them on twitter or google them on the internet and you don't even have to leave the comfort of your pajamas** in order to know what they are doing at every moment of the day. I guess it's hard to say whether that's better or worse than physically getting out there and driving past the person's house, but I somehow feel like it is. At least when I was doing the stalking of my youth I was active about it. It meant something. It meant that I was putting a decent amount of effort into driving by that person's house...repeatedly...

One time we spent 5 hours in the car driving around a neighborhood to look at the house's of boys on the Greenway Basketball Team. Why? Because we were teenage girls, we had a car, we had lots of time on our hands, and the thrill of the hunt cannot be denied. Sure, some of you may think that I hung out with weirdos or am strange for doing that, but I think it's a normal teenage thing or at least it was in my day. I've become old recently. Yes, yes, 30 is the new 20, but still, I'm old. I'm somewhat set in my ways. And I'm completely nostalgic for simpler times. Times when it wasn't as easy as sitting at home in front of my computer to find out what every person I have ever met is doing at 10PM on a Wednesday night. It's mind-boggling to me that a) I care and b) I can find out so easily.

I guess that perhaps the strangest thing is that I'm not generally that interested in what other people are doing. That sounds way more arrogant than I meant it to be. Um...I do care what other people are doing, but I don't feel like I have enough time or energy to care about what's going on in my own life, let alone what's going on in the lives of people I haven't seen in over 10 years...and yet...I've gotten sucked in. Facebook especially is like this black hole of knowledge that sucks me in. I find myself powerless to get away. I just keep reading. Keep finding people that I haven't spoken to in years. Keep posting. But why? Why is it so damn fascinating to know what's going on in the lives of other people all the time? And yes, I do get that posting something like this on a blog about my life might be ironic, but I do it with a straight face.

When did it become almost socially unacceptable not to be hooked in to everyone all day? If you don't have a "smart phone" and the internet and a computer and a bunch of "social networking" accounts at your fingertips at every second, people tend to give you the stink eye. Why? What's so social about social networking? Especially because it allows us to almost disconnect and become invisible watchers to everyone we know. Big Brother is here and it's us. We are watching.

I don't say all this as a holier-than-thou rant about how superior I am for having a stupid phone and limiting myself to about 15 minutes a day on the facebook. No, I don't. I'm in it to win it with everyone else. It just made me wonder today about what is happening to us. Is this the new world order? Do I know what that phrase means? Am I asking questions to the ether in order to avoid writing my dissertation? The answer to all those questions is likely yes.

Speaking of which, I have to go write my dissertation now as I sit in my office at school drinking water and listening to relaxing sounds on my ipod and contemplating eating dinner even though it's only 4:30 in the afternoon. More details on facebook if you want them.

*When I say, "our", what I mean is "your" because I don't have any children.
**To be fair, we also used to drive around in our pajamas.

Tonight my friend, who shall remain anonymous to protect the innocent, and I rented a little movie called, "Whiteout". It was not a great movie, in fact, it was a bad movie, but it did allow for two awesome things to happen. One, my friend and I talked through the entire movie because we were bored. Two, at one point this conversation happened:

At some point in the movie (I'll not spoil it for you by going into too much detail), Kate Beckinsale decides that she needs to stick her hand into the chest cavity of a cadaver because she thinks there might be treasure in there.

Friend: "That's gross! Can you even imagine sticking your hand in a dead person's chest?"

Me (with all earnestness): "I know, right? Without gloves? That's so gross."

Because that's how I roll. I'll dig in a dead body, but for the love of god I'm going to need a lot of layers of protection between my skin and the germs. I'm not some kind of sicko.

In other news, I believe that the secret ingredient at Jimmy John's is crack. For the past two days for lunch and dinner, my friend and I have eaten the same meal: A #6, no mayo and a bag of chips. You think it'd be tiring, but there's nothing I like more than routine.

Well, I have to get up tomorrow and write some dissertation type writing, so I am going to say goodnight to the internet now. I know this post was short and sort of a tease, but so is _______ (insert name of enemy in blank).

It's Not Me, It's Them.

Today brought me two rejection letters, but I've got to say, save for the time I got a frosty for a break-up of a relationship that never really happened***, these were by far the nicest rejections I've ever had. Especially the second one. That one is from a southern university. They do it right in the south. It's like they told me that I'm too good for them. I like it. Lie to me people, lie to me.

Rejection #1

Thank you for taking the time to speak with the search committee via telephone for the position of Assistant Professor of Psychology. The Search Committee enjoyed discussing your credentials with you and the opportunity to get to know you further. Your qualifications made you an extremely strong candidate. Our apologies for the length of time it has taken to get back in contact with you, however the filling of such a position is a carefully considered process and can take some time. We were fortunate to have had an exceptionally well-qualified group of applicants.

The search committee was impressed with your candidacy however this letter is to advise you that they have extended an offer and received a commitment from a particularly strong applicant who brings a wealth of experience with them and whose specific qualifications more closely fit the needs of the position.

The search committee thanks you for your interest and wish you the very best as you consider your future career path.

Rejection # 2

We have completed our initial and second reviews of candidates for our Assistant Professor of Psychology (General Experimental/Cognitive) job opening. It is with regret that I inform you that we will not be able to offer you an opportunity to interview for our open position. Our consideration of candidates like you whose background is appropriate to our opening focused on our needs as an institution whose primary mission is teaching (within and outside of psychology) and general service to the institution. While your references were positive, your materials engaging, and your research and professional development accomplishments impressive, we do not believe that our position will fit your professional goals. Your work (and teaching evaluations from Cognitive Psychology) make it clear that you are a scholar whose talents will be in demand and that you will make in impact on our field.

We thank you for considering our college and wish you only the best in your job search.

***If you understand this we've been friends more than 10 years or I've bored you to death and told you every story from my life.

Two Weeks

I came to the realization today that due to my poor math skills, I actually only have two weeks until my dissertation goes out to my committee, not three like I thought. Apparently, I will never master that whole "counting" thing. Thankfully, I married a man who is able to do math and all sorts of things that I can't do. That's a plus or a division sign, honestly, I'm not sure how math works.

I think there is the possibility that I will actually finish the dissertation, turn it in, defend it, and graduate in May. It feels as though it could happen. It also feels as if I will fail miserably. I'm a woman of extremes. I want to put out to the universe that I will do well. But honestly, it's a lot of work and I'm just getting tired. So tired.

But I suppose that's life. We all make choices. Some of us choose to get a Ph.D. and then work at a McDonald's. That's fine though. I'm still going to make everyone call me Dr. Rose. They'll be yelling, "Dr. Rose, let's get a move on, I need two large fries over here!" And I'll be like, "Yeah, you do." Then I'll launch into a little discussion of cognitive dissonance - how the people who are ordering the fast food know it is bad for them, but are still eating it so there is a disparity between their beliefs and their behaviors which is uncomfortable for humans. So the choices are to either not eat the food or to somehow justify it, "I only do this once in awhile. I got the diet coke, etc." No one will be listening to me, but I'll feel good about putting some of my education to use. I really hope that the dishwashers have master's degrees and we can all go out on smoke breaks and talk about the glory days of graduate school. I don't envision making it to manager because I don't think I could handle the stress (and I'm actually not mocking McDonald's managers- I really don't think I could deal with it). So I'll probably just work the fry-a-lator and bide my time until I can work my way up to the cash register. Although, there are two things about that job that will likely prove to be obstacles. First, I don't like touching money (germs! everywhere!) and second, as previously mentioned, I can't do math. Either people would be very happy with the change they got back or very angry.

I guess there's a lesson to be learned in all this. I'm pretty sure that life is all about the teaching of lessons. But I'm not quite far enough away from all this yet to see the lesson. I'm hoping that with all that time working the fry machine, I'll be able to figure out the life lesson from these past 6 years.

Did You Miss Me?

Hi Internet,

It's been awhile. I'm trying to write my dissertation and let me just say this about that - it's just as fun as you've always thought it would be. Because I am writing (read: not writing and feeling guilty) the dissertation, I have very little brain power left to string together coherent thoughts. In fact, if you were to look at the dissertation you'd probably say I don't have enough power to string together coherent thoughts for that either, but I digress.

I decided that I need to practice writing something that I enjoy. And as many of you know, there is nothing I enjoy more than writing romantic comedies. No, just kidding. That's not true. I'm lying for the attention. But in the shower today I thought, "I'll write a nice entry a day or something to keep my on my toes (not literally)." As a side note about the shower, I had to get back into the shower after drying my hair and then realizing that I had shaved my right leg, but not my left leg. That's how well I'm doing lately. But don't worry, it's not visual neglect*, so there's the upside.

Anyway, I think we all know that my best work comes when I chose a topic and then write about it. Well, not a topic, a letter. So without further ado, today's blog entry is brought you by the letter A.

I have a couple choice words that start with A that I could string together, but my parents always told me that if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. So I'll choose different words.

A is for Abstract - an abstract is the beginning part of scientific paper in which the Author or Authors (look at me going for the bonus points) sum up what the paper is about. It's usually about 150 to 250 words and goes through each section of the paper in short order and lays it all out. This is done for anyone who is lazy and doesn't want to read the entire paper, and really, why would you? But the abstract can often be misleading. To use an Analogy, often the abstract is written as though by Cliff**. It's close to what goes on, but you probably should have read the book. Here's what the abstract to my dissertation should really look like:

Here lies the dissertation of Rose Danek. She began this research with a zest for research and a love of the topic. She ends this research with a desire to never do research again and a cynical view of the research process. The following experiments reported are the ones that worked. There were about 10 more that were run and didn't work. This is common in research. Anyone who says differently is lying. She wrote some things down and at this point can't really remember what they were. If you are still interested you should read the paper. This is the last hoop that I had to jump through and by God, if it didn't kill me, I think it made me stronger.

Tune in tomorrow when our Blog will be brought to you from the Letter B.

*That's a little joke for my neuroscience friends.

**That's a little joke about Cliff Notes.***

***That's a reference to my insecurity about people getting my subtle humor.

Hello Again

Things I Should be Doing:

1. Writing my dissertation

2. Preparing for a phone interview on Saturday

3. Applying for more jobs

4. Cleaning my house

5. Losing 50 pounds

6. Analyzing data

7. Programming new experiments and testing them

8. Preparing a job talk

9. Preparing for my Brown Bag Presentation on Feb. 17

10. Loads of other things

Things I Feel Like Doing:

1. Eating

2. Sleeping

3. Watching television

Do you see the problem here? I keep denying that there may be a problem, but I'm starting to think that maybe I should start working on some of those things I have to do. It feels so much easier to just stick my head in the sand and ignore the things I have to do. Oh, winter malaise. I miss the sunshine. But oh well, such is life. I did do some exercise today and I have a plan to make a nice schedule of my time tomorrow...and actually stick to it.

In other news...I've failed at taking a picture of myself a day...but I did put up a bunch of pictures in my house in picture frames, so that's nice. The weather has been just delightful lately, cold, snowy and gray, very gray. I think everyone I know is suffering from it, but I suppose that at least when spring comes we'll all be overwhelmed by the beauty.

Until next time.

Clue - The Rose is 30 Edition

It's official, I am now 30. I can no longer be trusted, but it's cool. I feel pretty good about it. I mentioned in my last post that my awesome friends made me a Clue game. I believe you can follow the link below to see some pictures of the awesomeness:

Rose Clue

I usually use my birthday to make "new year's resolutions" because it feels like a new year of my life starts on my birthday. Plus, my birthday is the best holiday ever. Anyway, I decided to take a picture a day for the year...yeah, we'll see how long that lasts. Here's the last two days photos:

This is me at 30

This is 30 + 1

Arizona is Awesome

I come to you from the great and sunny state of ARIZONA. GO ME! It's actually slightly cloudy here today and there's the promise of rain...but really? I don't think it's going to happen. I think that we are safe. And even if it does rain, it won't snow, so AWESOME. I'm so happy!

My flight here went pretty smoothly. I was only delayed 1 hour and 20 minutes, which is the best I've ever been since moving to the midwest. My brother's plane came in a wee bit early the next day which was super awesome because the weather was horrible for both of us and they were predicting we wouldn't get anywhere.

Since arriving I've had some nice quality family time and some nice quality friend time. It's been awesome (guess my new favorite word). Last night my friends threw me a birthday party. Actually it was a funeral. They had eulogies and they made a Rose Clue board game. They transformed the Clue board and all the cards and everything into things dealing with me. They made little wooden figures that depicted each of us and they had a list of things that I fear will kill me as the murder weapons (mouth herpes, germs, stress, smoking, dirty needles, and clowns). Then each room was a location like friends' houses, Iowa, Penn State, etc. It looked amazing. I honestly thought that they had somehow sent away to the company to make a personalized Clue board, but they did it all themselves. So we played. In case you were keeping score at home, it was Jesse with Germs in Germany. I always knew he'd be my downfall.

Needless to say, it was an awesome night. Halfway through we turned the poster around and celebrated Adam's birthday (which is today). We're all turning 30. So crazy.

Other than that I bought a bunch of clothes, a new computer and I got my hair cut and slightly colored today. So that's the news from my world. My husband is at home plotting how to mass produce our podcast so that the world can partake. Then he's going skiing.

Until next time, enjoy this video about publishing articles. It's funny. Zach sent it to me.

Peer Review

"Christmas Eve"

Today is "Christmas Eve" because tomorrow is "Christmas" because I leave on Wednesday. So Z and I are celebrating a few days early. We have a tiny tree and some very nice decorations and a few little presents under the tree. Tonight I get to stuff the stockings (literally stockings that I painted our names on) and then tomorrow morning - viola! "Christmas". I'm even going to make a ham steak, green bean casserole and some potatoes. Truly, a magical feast. I also plan to make some food for Zach to eat while I am away. It's not that I don't think he can feed himself, I just worry that he won't.

And now, some ranting.

Today is the shortest day of the year. It's cloudy and gray so I doubt I will notice the utterly consuming darkness scheduled for around 4:39 PM. Just like it was barely perceptible when the sun rose at 7:30AM this morning. But it can only get lighter from here. So Happy Solstice, Everyone!

For those of you who have listened to our podcast, thanks! Hope you enjoyed it. For those of you who felt that 25 minutes was just "too much"...I have some choice words for you, but this being "Christmas Eve", I'll just keep them to myself. Why don't you try listening and if you get bored, turn it off. You can also do other things while listening, Zach and I are not asking that you sit immobile for 25 minutes listening to our voices. Although, you probably won't be disappointed if you do. For those of you who missed it, here's the link:

Christmas Cardcast

In other news, I am super excited about going home for the holidays. My mother informs me that it will be "really cold"....like 58. Wow! 58? Hm...what should I wear? The tank top or the short sleeve shirt? 58. Mom. C'mon.

I have been so excited that I've been packing for days now. I'm trying not to bring that much, but I'm just so excited that I want to pack it all now! I will miss Zach, but I'm super excited to see everyone else. And I know that there will be about 10 minutes when he really misses me before he realizes the joy that comes from me being away. Enjoy your freedom, Zach. Don't do anything that I will hear about later (or stain anything).

I had some other things that I really wanted to rant about, but I can't remember at this juncture, so I'll bid you all ado. Merry "Christmas Eve"!

Merry Christmas!

Hi All,

This year my husband and I decided that instead of sending out Christmas cards (as has been my tradition for many years) we would do a Christmas "Cardcast" - which is a podcast that has a Christmas greeting in it. We got some "borrowed" equipment and went to town, especially Zach who has not been sleeping for the past 3 days so that he could edit it to perfection. Here is the podcast link:

Podcast link



We hope that you enjoy our holiday cheer and greetings! Love you all...and for any random strangers stumbling on to the blog...it's not love for us yet, but maybe we can be there some day.

Best,
Rose & Zach...the Awesomes

The Season of Anger and Sadness (AKA Winter)

As I woke up Zach on Saturday morning with the words, "GET UP, IT'S THE FIRST SNOW OF THE SEASON", he knew his day was not going to go well.

"What season is that?"

"The season of anger and sadness. I believe your people call it 'winter'."

We laughed. It was just flurries actually and while I was not ready for it (given that it was in the 60s last week), I decided that this year I was going to accept the winter. That feeling of acceptance lasted exactly 2 days. It snowed for real yesterday and then for real, real today. And apparently tonight it's blizzard conditions (for those of you lucky enough not to know what that means, it's basically blowing snow). Someone in one of my classes said, "60 mph winds after midnight"...damn it.

My crazy husband is riding his bike to and from work. I'm happy because I hate him on the roads in the car, but also scared because now he's on a bike. They may or may not cancel classes tomorrow. That's the only good thing about snow. I'm not likely to go in because I only have meetings anyway. I'll make an excuse, like, "I'm not coming because there's 6 inches of snow and a blizzard going on."

Today I did a little exercise with my walk at home DVD. I can't tell you how bad I felt for the downstairs neighbors. Sorry, no, there was not a herd of stampeding buffalo in my apartment, I was walking away the pounds. But I did feel good about actually getting some exercise. I really can't wait to get to the warm weather of Phoenix so that I can walk outside. Now that I am off the "not eating, throwing up and smoking diet" (patent pending), I find that I am gaining a little weight because I'm not exercising. Good news, not nauseous all day (no, still not a baby, stress).

Alright, well, I think I had more things to say, but I'm going to spread them out over the next few days. I've only done 25 posts this entire year...where has the year gone? That's crazy! Anyway, I'm boring, so I have to save some of this comic gold for future posts.

Keep us in your prayers.

Introducing the Newest Member of Our Family

No, we didn't have a baby. Sorry Mom, sorry Ann, not baby time. But we do welcome with open arms the newest edition to our family:


This is Z VonDrewski. He's my iPod touch (32 gb). Supposedly, I can connect to the internet and stuff and use him as a little computer...but I have yet to be successful. I have been successful at downloading a bunch of new "apps" (that's applications for those of you not in the know) and putting a ton of music on it. And I bought myself a movie for the plane. So I'm totally set. It's awesome. I can't stop touching it. Not inappropriately, but all the time.

Zach got an iPod Nano for his birthday on November 17th. His iPod came with the name Ted Brown. That's what's engraved on the iPod, so that's what we call him. ManiLove (the iPod shuffle that I was sporting before now) is in the drawer in my desk. I feel like a heel for leaving him, but I can't help it. My love of the touch is legendary (don't read that in a gross way, perv).

Oh, as to why Z VonDrewski came into my life - I'm turning 30 soon. Well....January 10th, but it's never too early for presents and I decided that I needed to get myself a really big birthday gift, so I bought the iPod for myself. Happy Birthday to me! I hope that you all don't feel the need to top me, but you can definitely still get me something great for my birthday....like iTunes gift cards. Or a case for Z VonDrewski....I'm just throwing things out there...it's never ever too early to start planning for my birthday.

I also recently purchased 3 pairs of "adult" shoes (again, not dirty, just grown-up) for a sick amount of money. My husband who is generally very understanding about money was in a bit of sticker shock for a moment when I told him how much. It really didn't help that the bank called him later that day and asked if our credit card had been stolen because there was "unusually large amounts of activity" on our account. It's like, "thanks for checking guys, but why did you have to go and rat me out like that?"

Ok, well, I'm going to go back to touching my iPod and battling the on-going headache that I have. I think it's allergies. Or a brain tumor. Hard to say. Also possible snow flurries tomorrow- guess who is not amused.

Back and on the Attack

I lied. I'm not on the attack. I do hope that I'm back though. It's been a looooooooong time. I've been busy. I'm in my last year of graduate school...hopefully. My semester has been filled with being a TA (speaking of which, I have 120 essays to grade by the end of the weekend), collecting dissertation data, failing to collect dissertation data, getting upset by said data, starting to try to maybe write some dissertation stuff...yeah, not so much, and hunting for jobs. So I've been super busy. And I've been a bit overwhelmed. But now I am getting back on top of the heap. I'm conquering the world, baby! And I made Thanksgiving dinner yesterday. Here's the annual Thanksgiving photo essay by Zach, who stated, "You are very photogenic today." Thanks for the support, babe.

Thanksgiving decorations that we have out. Some probably offensive figurines.

Holiday turkey decoration...which we've had up for about a month now.

This is our "dining room" table. Oh yeah, we are super high class. Did you eat Thanksgiving dinner on tv trays on a futon in front of National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation? No? Jealous?

Cooking the annual Thanksgiving tofurkey. It's almost as good as it sounds.


This is the tofurkey with some carrots, yams and cranberries for "sauce". We had a relatively cruelty-free Thanksgiving...I was only a little bit mean to Zach.


The sides. This year I did not go too crazy. Au Gratin potatoes (from scratch - I assume that scratch means "from the boxed mix". Green bean casserole!! YES! And some chicken gravy...yeah, I know that's wrong on tofurkey, but I wanted it. Not pictured: Cran-apple delight. A delicious dessert made with cranberries, apples and a crumble crust. Very good. I made it for Zach's work people too and one of them wants the recipe. I told him no, it's an old family secret.



The last three our pictures of your favorite couple. Notice that I look pretty much identical in all of them, but the man changes more than a mother of a new born...ok, well, that wasn't the best, but it's been a long time, so I'm a little rusty.

Hopefully this represents a comeback. I should go because I still have 120 essays to grade and plans to go to Grandma's tomorrow. I'm not sure that I'll finish, but you know what? It will get done when it needs to be done. That's my new mantra.

Happy Holidays!

Weekend Photo Essay

This weekend Zach participated in a mountain bike race. He placed 2nd for the Beginner Men's Division with a time of 42:53. The race for beginner's was one lap of 7.5 miles, sport division was 3 laps and experts had to go a grueling 5 laps. It was pretty awesome to watch. Zach did a great job! The person who got first probably should have been in the sport division, so basically, Zach's the winner. But that's not all, I've got pictures.

This is Zach performing some pre-race lubrication on his bike. He's a responsible bike rider.

Anxiously awaiting the race instructions. They told everyone to gather for the mass start.

Some of the competition. The couple dressed in matching pink outfits there a little off to the right of center rode a tandem bike. A TANDEM BIKE. TO GO MOUNTAIN BIKE RACING. Never in 1 million years man. That's gotta be tough.

Making his final assault on the lap, almost to the finish line!

Crossing the finish line! Way to go, Zach!!

What's New in the World of Me?

Wondering what I've been up to lately? I'm assuming that's true if you are checking this blog. If you don't care then you probably aren't checking in here. But if you are checking here and you still don't care then that's sorta screwed up and I have no advice for you. I've gotten this off to a weird start.

I'd like to be funny again with some sort of theme. I guess I could try being funny without a theme, but I crave structure. Some might say I crave structure to a fault, but to those people I say, "back off!"

Ok, so nothing too new is going on. I've been married a year now. I'm still in school. I apparently started writing this blog entry with no agenda and it's devolved from there. Let's see, things to tell, things to tell...I'm going to go to PA in a little over a week! I think that will be exciting. Z's Grandma will be 96 and we are going to celebrate and see family. It should be awesome. I've been working hard lately in an effort to be able to enjoy my vacation.

I am going to come up with a theme to rejumpstart my posting. If you have any suggestions for topics write them in the comments (or you can email me privately).

I'll end on this note, I've been watching Hulu. If you haven't checked it out- you should. It's awesome. The only problem is that I keep watching tv shows that have been cancelled. I'm just getting into the show and all excited and then I find out that it was cancelled before I even started. That seems like a crime. Why does all the good television have to die? WHY?

Ok, I'm going to go do some more work and ponder how to bring back the fun and interest to this blog. I'll catch you cool cats later.

State of the Marriage Address

I decided this year before our anniversary that Zach and I should write each other letters detailing how we thought the year had went and how we felt about the relationship currently...a "State of the Marriage" Address if you will (and even if you won't). I figure that's likely to be something personal that we should only be sharing between the two of us, but then I thought, screw it, I need material for the blog. So I give you an open letter to my husband, on this, our anniversary.

There are several key points which I believe should be addressed here tonight. But first, I'd like to thank everyone for being here and for taking time out of their regularly scheduled programming to attend this address.

In the last year we have had our ups and downs. I've provided for you a summary of those ups and downs with some analysis. Let me first say that our marriage is strong and that the prospects for the future are good. I've had several analysts weigh in on this issue and we are all in agreement that the union is strong and profitable.

The minister of emotional issues reports that there are increases in the following areas:

The Anxiety Index is on the rise. We've had a definite increase in the levels of homeland anxiety this year. As you know, one member of the marriage has contributed disproportionally to this rise. I'd like to take the chance to apologize for this situation. Some of our top people are currently working on this issue and we hope to have it resolved by the Christmas season.

Worry about health - up. Yes, it's true, much of the anxiety is related to various health issues. We have reports that we're healthy, though you might remember that some of our key worries about health include: teeth and gums falling out/rotting away, some form of horrible disfigurement (like mouth herpes) and of course, death.

It turns out that some other levels are up in the marriage as well. Love levels appear to be at an all-time high. Hard to believe that the love could have grown over the past years, but it seems to be growing still. I know that I personally cannot get enough of you. I'm always happy to be with you, even when I'm not (you know what I mean).

Compassion from both parties seems to be up. Included in this category is patience, understanding and commitment to seeing the other person's side. As you remember from our last status report we talked about these issues as being important to our happiness. I am delighted to report that these levels have been increased due to hard work and passion from both parties.

The minister of finance reports that levels of savings are up. I enjoy saving money with you and figuring out what to do with it later. I hope that we some day own a nice little house with a cute yard and garden and maybe some dogs.

The archduke (as you know, we lost the minister earlier this year...damn that Minotaur's lair) of health reports:

Health - down, but on the mend. As you know, we lost the gallbladder in March. It wasn't an integral part of the relationship, so I can't say that I miss it. But I am glad that we were able to weather major surgery and come out stronger (and lighter).

Levels of bickering, pettiness and anger seem to be down this year as well. This is an encouraging trend that I hope continues.

Overall, I'd say that our union is strong. There are positive things on the horizon. I hope that we continue to grow and change and love together. I believe that we will. I am so happy to be with you and feel super blessed to be with the perfect compliment for me. Thanks for always being there for me. Thanks for being the rock for me to lean on (I like to think I help you out too).

Always and forever (for all eternity :-),

Your Wife - Rose

Night Terrors

The other night (Saturday if you want to be particular), I had a rather strange experience. I went to bed about 12:30 AM and at around 1:10 or so, I "woke up" and I say "woke up" because I a) didn't realize that I was asleep and b) thought that my eyes were open and that I was awake when I saw to my terror a strange man entering my bedroom. I screamed bloody murder. And Zach came running in from the other room to find me sitting up in bed freaking the hell out because I was absolutely convinced that there had been a man coming at me in the darkness. I guess I was still dreaming, but I was so convinced that it was real. My throat hurt really bad after screaming and my hands were shaking. Both Zach and I were really freaked out and I slept with the night light in the bedroom. THAT'S RIGHT...like an adult. It was so real and so scary. I have never had that experience before. I think that I've had dreams and though that they were real, but never like this.

Anyway, Happy Birthday, Mom! And Happy Anniversary, Zach! Love you both!

Things I Fear

Well, I thought about listing all the things that I fear in this post. Not ALL the things I fear because that would be way, way too long a list. But I thought about maybe doing all the things I feared right now as a representative sample. But then I thought, "how crazy do I want the world to think I am?" And so I guess I will forgo that list.

I will tell you this. I'm back, baby! I am not going to make that empty promise. But I'm going to try to post more. It's important for all of us to heal. I know that my words are a salve on this world. I often time write something like that last sentence and hope that someone who doesn't know me at all stumbles on this blog and thinks I'm serious. Because I bet that is awesome. I don't think that sarcasm is easily conveyed in the written word. Although I've had that experience in real life too. And there are few things more frustrating or discouraging than having a joke not go over well.

I'm working on a theme (like numbers or letters or whatever) because that encourages me to write each day and gives me focus. Apparently I need that in order to be productive.

Ok, I'm going to go now. I have some more work to do tonight and Zach will be home soon.