Christmas with the In-Laws

I make this announcement in case I have not told anyone who happens to read this blog - I will not be going to Phoenix, home of my family, for Christmas this year. It's the first time in 28 years (or 29 years...Zach, I need your help on this one, how many Christmases have I lived? I get so confused about it because there is the zero year...I digress). Anyway, it's been a way long time since I have not spent the holiday with my family...although last year when I was stuck in Crapsville (sorry, Iowa) I wasn't really spending the time with my family either. But this year I will be spending the holiday with my brand-spanking-new-in-laws in Pennsylvania...another place where it snows and is freezing during the winter instead of warm(ish), sunny Arizona. I kid, I kid, I'm not complaining. I'm really not, I think it will be fun to go there. I know that Zach is looking forward to going home more than anything. I am happy to be going and I know that it is likely to become some sort of tradition as I hear that's what married people have to do. They travel for the holidays to both of their family homes. I'm interested to see how that will go. Actually, we aren't going for Christmas, we're going from Dec 27 - Jan 4, so that should be exciting.

The only real thing is that is sadder than missing Jesus' birthday with my family and friends is that I'll be missing MY birthday. I suppose it will all be fine in the end, I'll have a quiet night of single serving cake (read: a whole cake), and I'll sing myself Happy Birthday. No, no, don't pity me. It's fine. I've always wanted to spend the birthday before I'm 30 all by myself. And Zach will be home around midnight or something, so that will be fine. Just go on with your lives. It's all good.

Ok, I'm off now. I just wanted everyone to know that I am not dead. I'm fine. I feel a little bit sick right now, but I think it's just because we went out last night and I almost overindulged and I think I have some sort of snippet of a potential cold, but I also think that I have such an awesome immune system that I'm keeping it at bay. Zach and I would probably have super beautiful babies because we both have really good immune systems.

Also, just so you know, I got my hair cut last week and it is super cute. SUPER CUTE. Not everyone can say that without sounding conceited, but I can, because it's true.

I'm Officially a Shut-In

I've been in bed for the past 24 hours and not in the fun John and Yoko way. In the, "I feel dizzy when I move too much and I think I might die soon way." Well, I always think I might die soon, so that's not really a news flash, but I don't feel this dizzy and unsettled and achy all the time. I just got up and took a shower. The effort has proven to be too much for me, so now I'm back in bed. So far today I have read a book (mystery, of course), played some DS (yep, I went fishing) and listened a bit to my book on tape. Zach, my constant companion has been playing Twisted Metal 4 all day...and waiting on me hand and foot. I cannot tell a lie- having someone to do my bidding while I lay in bed all day is sort of like a dream come true. If only I didn't feel so crappy. Perhaps when I am better I will fake illness so that I can be waited on again. Yes, I think I will definitely do that. Don't tell Zach.

Here are some highlights from the day. We were making breakfast downstairs and Zach started talking about what we should have in our cabin. A quick aside, I decided recently that my new dream in life is to live in a really nice log cabin. Zach is totally on board for that, so we dream about it when we can.

Anyway, he said "We should have a big white board in the kitchen so we can write recipes and things we need from the store and that sort of stuff. And we can do drawings on it. But it can only be used for good, not easel."

I find that to be hilarious. Good, not easel. I love it. That's why I know this whole marriage thing is going to last.

And then later he came upstairs and he had some bacon on his plate (bacon and waffles is the breakfast of champions) and he said, "Do you want some bacon? Oh, wait, is that cannibalism for you?"

See what he did there? He called me a pig. It sounds mean when I write it now, but it was super funny. I find it very amusing. I've been playing it back and laughing all day.

Just thought I'd share. My right eye is twitchy and I feel like laying back down again (instead of being propped up with pillows on the computer...I can't leave this bed apparently). So I'll sign off now.

Turns out Lurch was Right

Back in my youth, well, I'll be charitable to myself...Back in the younger days of my youth we used to hang around with a group of kids from the neighborhood. We were all 17, 18 or in one extreme case 20 at the time and as I could newly drive, my gal pal and I would drive over and watch some of the guys play basketball and generally be show-off guys. A good time was had by all. Ah, the innocence of youth.

Anyway, there was one guy in the neighborhood who was introduced to us as "Lurch". Because of his resemblance to the Addams Family character of the same name. I didn't learn his real name until a few months in. The nickname didn't seem to bother him and it's just what everyone called him. This nickname was not ironic. He was a big, tall, somewhat hefty guy. And nice as he was. He was somewhat s-l-o-w. I'm not trying to be mean, but them's the facts. He was a slow guy. He didn't get animated about much either. So the name fit pretty well.

This is the story of Lurch.

One day I'm over at my friend's house (a boy...a boy I had a crush on) and Lurch comes over too. I am pretty sure that Lurch had a crush on me. Looking back, that's nice. It's always nice to know that people care. Anyway, Lurch comes over and he starts talking to me about this new video game that he got. Video games were the one subject that got Lurch animated. So he's talking away about how awesome it is because you get to kill all these people and it's really awesome, etc., etc. So after a bit of this story he sort of turns to me and says, "Yeah, it's a really cool game, but you probably wouldn't like it. It moves pretty fast. You probably would like something more slow, like fishing or something." To which I had no reply. And with that little gem, he awkwardly left. As soon as the door clicked shut I turned to my friend, "I'm sorry, I'm confused, did Lurch just call ME slow?" And he did. He called me slow, which was awesome.

I say all that to say this: Lurch, it turns out you were totally right. I do like fishing! I've been playing Animal Crossing: Wild World on the DS and you can fish in the game and damned if I don't spend most of time doing that. So Lurch, I apologize for taking offense at being called slow by you. You were right. Fishing rules!

Now It's Christmas Time

I know we just had Thanksgiving, but apparently, we've left Fall and are now in the grips of Winter's icy, deathly fingertips of doom, ice, snow, sleet, wetness, cold, horror, overeating and shame. Just me?

Yesterday Zach and I did ALL THINGS CHRISTMAS:

We mailed out the Christmas cards.
Bought a real live Christmas tree.
Decorated the house with tons of awesome Christmas stuff that my lovely Aunt Marybeth and my awesome Grandma gave us.
Listened to Christmas music.
Sat in the dark and admired all the pretty lights.
Hated the snow (oh, wait, that was just me).

Anyway, here's a photo essay of our endeavours. The pictures just really don't do it justice. I swear it's super beautiful and so nice in the house now. It's all decorated and it looks like an actual family lives there. It's official.

This is our Welcome sign. It hangs, very handily, on the peephole of our door. Fantastic and easy.


This is the Christmas tree. As you can see, we used a net to capture it in the wild. It was hard, but if you have two people, it's a lot easier. Zach stood on one side and I stood on the other and we held the net taught and then when the Christmas trees were running by, we jumped one and caught it.

Even though we caught our our tree by ourselves, the man at the Christmas tree ranch said we had to pay for it. This is Zach being excited by the price:


In case you didn't catch that he's happy because it's a $27.00 tree:
It's a Scotch Pine. I'm pretty sure there are some stereotypes about Scottish people and being cheap or what have you. I will let you put in your own joke here. Enjoy.

This is the most delicate part of the tree trimming - getting the skirt on the tree.

Now that the tree is dressed, it looks awesome:


More tree because it's super pretty, but hard to capture. Also notice how nice our plants look on their new table and plant stands. Going to my Aunt's house is like mining for gold. Or getting handed gold without all that pesky shifting and digging.


We tried to capture the feel of the lights, and by we, I mean, Zach:


This is a picture of our super cute holiday village in which I placed some snowmen. I like to think of the snowmen as the villagers, hanging out, buying some antiques, visiting the crazy sequined tree on the outskirts of town:


Here's a close-up version of the village with a snowman in the foreground. It's a pretty arty pic. That's how Zach is though. I don't even want to tell you how many different versions of the same picture I had to sort through.

One side of the tv/entertainment area:


The other side:


A shelf in the bookcase, which holds movies, not books, but I digress:


These pictures don't even really do it justice. Just trust me that our house is super beautiful. SUPER! I think that Zach finished the outside decorations today, so I'll get him to take one billion photos of that which I will then have to narrow down to a few so that I can post them here. I kid, I love that Zach takes pictures for me because I hate doing it by myself.

I leave you with this awesome artistic piece.

Happy Holiday Season!

Thanksgiving 2008

Has this ever happened to you? You move to the middle of nowhere away from all of your family and friends. You husband works the second shift and can't get holidays off. Well, it's happened to me. This is what I did about it. Today we decided to make an actual Thanksgiving holiday instead of just wallowing in the misery of not having anyone else to share it with. Actually, Zach and I are very happy in each other's company (as I may have mentioned here before) so we were thankful to be together. I made dinner and we ate and celebrated. Now Zach's at work and actually so am I. But I only just got in here a little bit ago.

Here are our Thanksgiving decorations. My Aunt gave them to us. They are cute. We are super festive.


This is the tofurkey getting a bath with some carrots and cranberries. It tastes a lot better than it looks. We went with tofurkey because a whole turkey is too much. I'm not sure I'm a huge fan of turkey anyway. And it's a tradition that Zach remembers from when he didn't eat meat. It was good.


Here are the sides: dinner rolls, gravy and some Cran-Apple Delight (amazing). Not pictured: Au Gratin Potatoes.


Here's where we ate our feast:

You can see the place mats I made. Here's a close-up:


This is what our plates looked like:


Zach shows us how it's done:



Happy Thanksgiving to one and all from your favorite couple:
(This was honestly the least blurry picture of us. Whatever... Also, check out that amazing turkey waddle I've got going on...sigh, damn you Old Man Winter and your pushing me to retain weight.)

PSA: Beware the Single Male

I bring to you tonight a Public Service Announcement* about a problem that is plaguing many couples not only here in the United States, but in the world as a whole (I imagine...yeah, I'm not going to fact check this, but I'm sure this problem is universal). I'm talking, of course, about the Single Male. The Single Male (SM) is a boil on the ass of humanity and has been for years. Use any ointment that you want, that irritation isn't going anywhere.

It's interesting to note that in fact, it is only the Male of the Species Single that is problematic. Single Females are a blessing to relationships everywhere. The Single Female provides a reason for Attached Females to cling more closely to any semblance of a relationship that they have. Case studies have revealed that Single Females cause Attached Females to have thoughts such as these:

"Hmm...Phil doesn't really help out around the house. But you know what? It could be worse. Look at poor Jessica, she's been alone for years. I'm so lucky to even have Phil. You know what? I'm going to bring him another beer, all those chips I put in a bowl for him to eat while he watches football for the 5th straight hour are probably making him thirsty. Yeah, I'm gonna stick this relationship out because the alternative is just bleak."

Single Females are also helpful for driving a Single Male into a relationship often serving as a "surrogate" mate for the SM. The Single Female, often striving for the love and attention that she wants, will act as the perfect mate for the SM. Cooking, cleaning, not complaining, etc. Counterinuitively, this often serves to drive the SM in question into a series of questionable relationships with other SFs who are not as accommodating. Then eventually the SM is an Attached Male.

Single Females therefore are a positive influence on relationships. I'll go so far as to say that they might even be the glue that holds the world together. Thanks, Ladies!

But I digress. While SFs are awesome, Single Males are problematic. Let's consider the impact of SMs in our daily lives. SMs are a threat to all relationships for the following reasons:

First let's consider the SM, Attached Female scenario. As Chris Rock says, "Men don't have platonic friends, at least not on purpose." SMs are essentially just waiting to ruin it for the couple and get in good with the Attached Female.

Even more devastating however is the SM, Attached Male relationship. The SM friend of your spouse/boyfriend/"partner"/whatever is always trying to ruin your relationship. It is the SM that will convince your mate that it is a good idea to stay out until 5 in the morning and not call because "Man, it's gonna be fun". The SM will try to undermine you at every turn, "She wants you to do what now? Put down the toilet seat?? That's just unfair. She's a harpy, dude. A blood-sucking harpy. I mean, great gal though, just wow..." The SM will remind your mate how much "fun" single life was. The SM will take your mate out in an attempt to pick up chicks just to let your mate get a taste of the single life once again. And you know that's just temptation. The SM is the snake and your mate is Eve and damned if you didn't just get thrown out of Eden again. The SM means well. He does. He wants a buddy, a pal, a bowling partner, a friend in times of need. But he often doesn't want the pesky emotional baggage of the female mate. And so he seeks to drive a wedge between the couple so that he can gain what he wants - more time with your mate.

It's hard to blame the SM, he just wants what you want. But you must be vigilantly on guard against the SM or you will soon find yourself as one half of the greatest duo ever (no, not Sigfried and Roy). Here are some warning signs that the SM is moving in on your turf:

1. Calls and/or texts all the time.
2. SM buys lots of expensive gaming systems and always needs someone to play with.
3. SM calls your mate his "wingman"
4. If you can't find your mate, he's always with the SM.

If any of these symptoms start occurring, don't wait! The problem will only get worse the longer that you tolerate it. Ways to combat this problem include**:

1. Nagging
2. Ultimatums
3. Crying
4. Flirting with the SM




*The more you know, the more you grow.
**Disclaimer: None of these tips are likely to work. In fact, they will work in favor of the SM for the most part. SO INSIDIOUS.

All the News That's Fit to Print (where news = rambling)

I currently write this using a pen and steno pad at the main library on campus. As part of my "write for at least 30 minutes a day goal", I am writing a blog entry by hand. My secretary* will type it up later. I don't feel much like transitions or smooth segues, so don't expect a cohesive narrative. It's November 5th, the day after the United States elected a democrat into office. I choose not to get all political , but I think we all pretty much know how we feel about that. So go us.

Also in recent news, I am sitting at a desk in the library on which is written quite the little gem of a "poem". I won't share it here because it's vulgar and might be offensive to a few loyal readers, but if you want to know what it says, email me and I will tell you. But I won't say it out loud because it makes me blush a little. No, who am I kidding? With my swarthy Italian features and coloring- I don't blush- unless I apply it myself "much too noticeably" according to my husband. He's happiest when I don't wear makeup, have my hair in pigtails, oh and I carry the 50 - 60 extra lbs....oh yeah, love is grand.

In still other news, I bought 3 headbands for $5 (total) yesterday. I have, to date, only asked Zach 5 times if I will get lice from wearing them, a personal best. I have however asked him about 40 times if I will get mouth herpes** from the girl who came into my lab to run in my experiment. She had a big mouth herpe sore (you know, scabby/somewhat open/gaping/oozing wound) on her lip - which she touched about 500 milliseconds before I handed here a clipboard, pen and some forms to fill out. I almost jerked back the stuff before she could infect it and told her to get the hell out, but I am almost positive that it would have been against IRB guidelines and I'd be brought up on ethics charges. So I let her do the experiment, then I used alcohol pads to scrub down everything she might have touched, threw away the pen she used, put the clipboard on a shelf to allow the germs to die a slow death on their own and washed my hands approximately 20 times. I really wish I was exaggerating for comic effect, but well, you know me. Later in the day another participant made me shake his hand which also resulted in copious hand washing. Here's the deal: If you don't know me, don't touch me. If you do know me, don't touch me unless all your outbreaks are under control***. I'd basically like to see everyone follow a "hands off" approach to Rose.

In yet more random unrelated news, I have started to use my "book of lists" book in order to...ok...no purpose, but I did start doing it. The author says, "everyone should have an autobiography, here's a way to do it with lists." She has a website as well with a bunch of lists on it. Anyway, I thought I might start posting some of the lists here. I LOVE LISTS! If I had to make a list of things I love, the act of making that list would be on there.

And in that spirit, I bring you - a list of things I am currently thinking:

1. That stupid guy in the tie dye shirt is making a bit too much noise (read: I think he sighed 2 minutes ago) for a library.
2. This floor was deserted, now he's invading my territory.
3. I am very territorial, I wonder why that is.
4. I should have studied social psychology.
5. When the hell is that alarm going to ring so that I know I've written for 30 minutes?
6. Today I've eaten McDonald's chicken biscuit breakfast sandwich and a hash brown and a snickers dark bar. Can you say disorder?
7. Whatever, I made tuna noodle casserole and a really healthy salad this morning for dinner, so that's good.
8. Seriously, how much longer?
9. What will I do when I finish this, I need to do work.
10. I wonder if the wasp in my office will kill the rest of the flies in there and those Asian beetles too.
11. If it does I hope it takes away the bodies. I'm sick of cleaning up fly corpses.
12. No, I'm not kidding. I have buried**** at least 10 flies and there are more in there each day.
13. I think I will go find a nice chair to read in after I am done writing this.
14. I wonder how many people with mouth herpes used this desk.
15. Thank God, the alarm went off and now I have to go wash.


*I am also my secretary, and I am the boss of me.
**Cold sores...they are mouth herpes...look it up.
***Honestly, H., this isn't aimed specifically at you. I love you.
****I don't actually bury them, I just throw them away.