Sicko

I'm hoping to draw in the crowds randomly searching the interwebbing for somewhat obscure documentaries on the US health care system. The title also refers to me. I'm sick. It happens so rarely that I actually get a cold that when it happens it becomes that much more upsetting. So today I write to you from my bed where I have been for most of the day (I get up to go to the bathroom because I'm not an animal...and Zach refused to get a bedpan).

Zach has been super great about taking care of me today. He made me food, got me a steam bath with essential oils and brought me tea and orange juice. He's the best. Unfortunately he had to go to work. So he abandoned me to fend for myself. I'm sure that you are all gasping in horror at his insensitivity. It's ok. I mean, I ran out of tea so I have to go downstairs which might be difficult with my current state of dizziness, but I'm sure I'll manage somehow.

Other things on my fevered mind...I'm sorta concerned that my gums are receding? I'm not really sure how I have arrived at this conclusion or if it is true. Zach says it's not true, but that if it is and I lose all my teeth he'll still love me. Perhaps he will prepare an all smoothie diet for me as well.

I have a ton of work to do this weekend. A TON. But it's hard enough for me to string together the words that are necessary to make sentences for this blog, so I'm pretty sure that I plan to just lay in bed all day today. Well let's be honest, I've lain in bed all day today. I plan to continue doing this into the night. I didn't sleep that well last night. My throat hurts a bit and it keeps me up.

Ok, so I leave you with this thought, I've been flipping through the channels all day today and I can tell you that this weekend is only filled with bad mojo. At least 5 channels are showing reality shows about someone or multiple someones getting murdered. It's pretty crazy.

Twins

On Friday, my beloved sent me this text message: "I'm sick of talking about it. I want to do it this weekend....Let's go out and buy matching sweatsuits! You want to tomorrow morning?!? Please!"

It's hard for me to express the joy that I felt upon receiving this text message. First of all, I derive great pleasure in dressing like twins. Second, I managed to marry a man who shares my passion. I've got to confess that this mutual love might be the final proof that we are in fact made for each other.

By Saturday afternoon we had found our outfits. Blue pants, blue shirt, orange sweatshirt. Even better we got smoking deals on the items. $12 pants, $17 sweatshirts and $7 shirts. AWESOME! I had thought that there was nothing so satisfying as buying matching outfits, but it turns out that getting those outfits for a steal is even more satisfying.

It's hard to express in words how wonderful we felt, but by Sunday we were wearing the outfits (freshly cleaned and laundered) and we took them out on the town. Here are some pictures, they don't quite do the outfits justice, but they do show our awesomeness. I can only hope that we can get more outfits in the future. Also, these outfits turned out to be super warm. I think they might be the best investment we've ever made.

This is Zach, looking awesome:



This is me, looking unsure, but pretty sure that this is the best day ever.


Sweatshirt on version:


Twins, am I right? You can't tell us apart.


The happy couple. Zach was so excited that he was moving the camera. This is the best shot we have of us. But perhaps in the future there will be more. I have a feeling that these matching outfits will be apart of our zany adventures for a long time to come.

Busy like a Bee

Actually I never really understood that phrase. Are bees actually super busy? They never seem like they have any place to be or a real agenda or anything. They sort of seem like they just lazily move around stopping to smell the roses. Maybe that's just me.

So I wanted to write an awesome post that told a delightful coherent story or anecdote from my day. But then I realized that I've been working a lot lately and been stressed out so I'm going to go ahead and cut myself some slack and just write a bunch of random nonsense. Can't tell the difference between when I try to write a coherent story and don't? Screw you. Ok, no I'm sorry, that was harsh, we don't need to take it to that level. Let's just be friends.

I heard a story today about a chimpanzee that attacked a woman. This woman is now the first one in the United States to have a face transplant. Ok, let me just preface this by saying, this is a sad story and I kid because I love, not to be mean. That being said, "Really? Really?" We are living in a time in which the movie "Face Off" is finally a possibility? I was blissfully unaware that this might ever happen. Additionally, a chimp? Really? A chimp? That actually happened? You can have a chimp in your home? Also, a chimp is 200 lbs.? Apparently that chimp had to be stabbed and shot before it limped off and survived for awhile before succumbing to its wounds. I like to think of myself as a fairly educated person, but I must admit that I didn't realize that a chimp could get that big or strong. I guess that's because I don't spend a lot of time in the jungle or Connecticut. I can only assume that this chimp was angry because it had just seen "Bedtime for Bonzo" and was looking for a little revenge. I just don't know that I want to live in a world where I could be hanging out on the street one minute and being attacked by a chimp the next. Or a world in which it is possible to have John Travolta's face on Nick Cage's body. I'm not ready to accept that the future is now.

I'm going to ease back into the whole blogging thing. I think the key to life is moderation. I don't claim to practice moderation in general, but I've heard it's a good thing.

Who is Ready to be WOWED?

I'm all jazzed up. Not really. Actually, I'm pretty tired. I was going to start this blog entry with an apology for not posting lately. But then I remembered that apologizing is a sign of weakness. Sure, there are those that will tell you that it takes a strong person to admit they are wrong and apologize, but those people are wrong. They should apologize.

Anywho, I can't string together a long narrative that's all impressive and weaves together several key stories from the week in order to provide you with a cleverly conveyed impression of my life this lately. So I choose short random bits of information. Why? Because IT'S MY BLOG. Here at My Blog is Better Than Your Blog we do what we want! And by we, I mean the "royal we".

Ok, first, it's past my bedtime. If I am going to drive to Chicago tomorrow (as is the game plan) early in the morning, I should be asleep by now. My husband is going to sleep as I drive. I like to refer to Zach as my husband because a) He is and b) it's a fun word. It's like some weird rock group. The HUS Band is here everyone, let's give them a round of applause. Wow. Yeah, tired, did I mention that?

This week and last week and even the week before that have been BUSY. I know that I don't work your traditional 9-5 job. Actually, I don't really know anyone who works 9 - 5. It's usually some variation of that, but anyway, I don't work 9 - 5, but damn do I work a lot lately. A lot of my work involves thinking about things. When I type that out, "thinking about things", it doesn't sound like hard work. Surely, "lifting heavy objects" sounds like more work, but man after a day of thinking things, I am all worn out.

I think you know you aren't in the healthiest place in life if you start to teach personal hygiene as a reward/punishment. For example, the other night I actually had the following conversation with myself (in my head, I'm not that crazy...yet):

"Hey Rose, you did a lot of really good work today. You did so well that you don't have to brush your teeth or wash your face tonight."

"Really? Seriously? That sounds great."

And then I didn't brush my teeth or wash my face. To be honest, it was the best part of my day.

Someone was telling me the other day that they think blogs are stupid because it's just such an odd thing to basically have a diary on-line and blah, blah, who would have a blog? And I just sort of said, "uh...yeah".

I wanted to list out all the work I've done today and this week in general, but that just seems so soul-crushingly hard right now.

I've got a new favorite phrase that has worked its way into my vocabulary, "soul-crushingly..." I don't know where these phrases come from or why they stick around, but I tend to get a phrase or expression and then just work it to death. I can't help it.

Some past examples include: "freakshow", "uber" and "really?"

I think I have to go to bed now. I need to leave for Chicago tomorrow as we discussed at the beginning of this entry. Zach and I will most likely forget the camera and even if we do bring it we will then forget to take pictures of anything. I'll try to work up some drawings for you of our weekend next time I blog. Until then...take care of yourselves and each other.*



*I am 99% sure that this is the way that Jerry Springer ended his show for years. I'm not ashamed to think that I know that, but you're going to be ashamed if you can correct me.

First Impressions

I am 99% sure that I make a horrible first impression. I don't really set out to make an impression usually. I forget that meeting people for the first time means that they are judging you and determining if they will be your friend, tolerate you, call the cops, or on one memorable instance determine that they want to beat you up.* So I just say all the things I would normally say to people. Turns out my brand of humor is sort of an acquired taste. It's like beer or coffee or black tar heroin. At first you think, "damn, that's horrible, I'm not doing that again". But then after awhile you'd sell your first born child for it.

I say all this because I think I made a horrible first impression for someone recently. Well, that's perhaps giving me a more credit than I deserve. Let's just say "hypothetically" - wink, wink- that I met another person who was supposed to TA for the same class that I am TAing for...hypothetically. Let's also pretend that she said she couldn't take any of the morning sections which I also did not want to take. So let's just say for the sake of this story that I was sort of peeved about that when I first met her. I may or may not have determined that the best course of action upon meeting her was to use all of my "charm" in order to politely say hello in a way that most likely conveyed that I didn't really want to say hello. I also may or may not have then answered all subsequent questions with "yes" or "no" answers only. Except when I might have stated, "no, I've never TAed for this class before. I mean, I taught this class over the summer, but no, not TAed for it." Imagine my surprise then when I heard that she decided that she couldn't TA for the class at all and just dropped out of sight. Was it all me? I think that's giving me too much credit, but I do have a, how do you say, "strong" personality.

Now I get to TA for all the sections. Lucky me! That means I get to go make a stellar first impression for 6 separate classes of students. I've done 4 so far. So only two more to go. But I think my track record will show that I'm sort of like cheese or wine or Sean Connery, I only get better with age.

On a somewhat unrelated note, why do I take it so personally when their little eyes glaze over and they look bored? It's not me. I'm freaking fascinating. So why does it sort of pierce my heart a little bit each time? Oh well.

On a completely unrelated note. Z and I had our 6 month anniversary yesterday. I gave him some twigs which I assume could be turned into paper.**

*I don't consider that time my fault. I said something completely harmless and I was just kidding around and that dude decided that he wanted to beat me up. He honestly really did. My brother told him to just calm down and that I was joking and he said, "she doesn't know me well enough to joke around." Really, sir? Really? I don't know you well enough to make a joke? That's an attitude that's not going to get you very far in prison. I tell you that as a friend.

**I'm not going to make you work for that one. Your one year anniversary gift is paper. See? I'm saying that I gave him half of that. I gave him something that was on it's way to being...you know what never mind. Like it or don't. I can't care anymore.

I'm out.

Quality

I choose only to communicate in short bursts punctuated with dots. Some might call this "lazy" or "uncaring", but I call it "quality".

• Tomorrow is the first day of the new semester. Isn't that just super exciting? I know it excites me. I'm lying. LYING.
• It's kinda cold here. Not in the negative numbers, but cold nonetheless. It makes leaving the house a pain, but I did go on a walk today to try to exercise. My face was red when I came home, but so far all of my parts are still on my face, so I think it will be ok.
• I made pasta today with garlic and oil. Tomorrow I am making pasta with "tofu balls" and marinara. Who knows what wonders Wednesday will warrant?
• Zach said, "I like pasta, I won't get tired of it." We'll just see about that, Zach. We. will. just. see. about. that.
• I'm watching Nero Wolfe on DVD. Surprisingly, this is one show that Zach will actually watch with me. He basically hates all things "murder mystery", whereas I may be obsessed with them. But he really likes Nero Wolfe. He's just one big mystery wrapped in an enigma, covered in chocolate and topped with nuts.
  
• I didn't shower yesterday. I *think* I showered the day before, but I can't be sure. I have however showered today. It's just so cold and dry now, it's hard to make myself shower.
• Speaking of showering, which I am, this may fall under the category, "TMI", but I'm going to go for it anyway. Zach can go for a number of days without showering and he doesn't smell or look dirty or anything. I, on the other hand, look oily and dirty after 1 day of not showering AND if I use deodorant without aluminum (apparently, aluminum keeps you from sweating) which is made for men (because they don't seem to sell any for women) I will smell. SMELL. Like a just-hit-puberty-doesn't-know-any-better-boy. What the hell is the deal? Strong enough for a man, but not for my armpit smell. I would feel more embarrassed, but it just makes me angry. What is the deal? How is that fair? I shower all the time, but I guess we all know why now, don't we? Because otherwise I am a dirty smelly hippy. Ok, I'm not sure I qualify for hippy after not showering, but the first two I am on like flies on...me.
• My little bro is moving to Chicago. Apparently we siblings cannot get enough of the midwest. I think he just missed being within 232 miles of me. I get that. So many people feel that way.
• Cardinals vs. Steelers for the Superbowl. I don't really care, except that my family is rooting for the Cardinals and my husband's family is rooting for the Steelers. Zach and I get married and 6 months later our two family's teams are in the Superbowl, coincidence??? I think not. This is just further proof of the universe's orbit around me.
• I'm tired and my brain is sluggish. I'm going to work on that for future posts. Be excited. BE VERY EXCITED. USE ALL CAPS TO EXPRESS YOUR EXCITEMENT.
  

Set the Flamingo Free

Seriously. It's cold in Iowa too. I pretty much hate winter and everything cold. And water. And ice. And sleet. Snow, I hate snow. Negative temperatures, not cool. I don't know, I do like polar bears, but if it's them or me...I gotta go with me on this one.