I'm all jazzed up. Not really. Actually, I'm pretty tired. I was going to start this blog entry with an apology for not posting lately. But then I remembered that apologizing is a sign of weakness. Sure, there are those that will tell you that it takes a strong person to admit they are wrong and apologize, but those people are wrong. They should apologize.
Anywho, I can't string together a long narrative that's all impressive and weaves together several key stories from the week in order to provide you with a cleverly conveyed impression of my life this lately. So I choose short random bits of information. Why? Because IT'S MY BLOG. Here at My Blog is Better Than Your Blog we do what we want! And by we, I mean the "royal we".
Ok, first, it's past my bedtime. If I am going to drive to Chicago tomorrow (as is the game plan) early in the morning, I should be asleep by now. My husband is going to sleep as I drive. I like to refer to Zach as my husband because a) He is and b) it's a fun word. It's like some weird rock group. The HUS Band is here everyone, let's give them a round of applause. Wow. Yeah, tired, did I mention that?
This week and last week and even the week before that have been BUSY. I know that I don't work your traditional 9-5 job. Actually, I don't really know anyone who works 9 - 5. It's usually some variation of that, but anyway, I don't work 9 - 5, but damn do I work a lot lately. A lot of my work involves thinking about things. When I type that out, "thinking about things", it doesn't sound like hard work. Surely, "lifting heavy objects" sounds like more work, but man after a day of thinking things, I am all worn out.
I think you know you aren't in the healthiest place in life if you start to teach personal hygiene as a reward/punishment. For example, the other night I actually had the following conversation with myself (in my head, I'm not that crazy...yet):
"Hey Rose, you did a lot of really good work today. You did so well that you don't have to brush your teeth or wash your face tonight."
"Really? Seriously? That sounds great."
And then I didn't brush my teeth or wash my face. To be honest, it was the best part of my day.
Someone was telling me the other day that they think blogs are stupid because it's just such an odd thing to basically have a diary on-line and blah, blah, who would have a blog? And I just sort of said, "uh...yeah".
I wanted to list out all the work I've done today and this week in general, but that just seems so soul-crushingly hard right now.
I've got a new favorite phrase that has worked its way into my vocabulary, "soul-crushingly..." I don't know where these phrases come from or why they stick around, but I tend to get a phrase or expression and then just work it to death. I can't help it.
Some past examples include: "freakshow", "uber" and "really?"
I think I have to go to bed now. I need to leave for Chicago tomorrow as we discussed at the beginning of this entry. Zach and I will most likely forget the camera and even if we do bring it we will then forget to take pictures of anything. I'll try to work up some drawings for you of our weekend next time I blog. Until then...take care of yourselves and each other.*
*I am 99% sure that this is the way that Jerry Springer ended his show for years. I'm not ashamed to think that I know that, but you're going to be ashamed if you can correct me.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
First Impressions
I am 99% sure that I make a horrible first impression. I don't really set out to make an impression usually. I forget that meeting people for the first time means that they are judging you and determining if they will be your friend, tolerate you, call the cops, or on one memorable instance determine that they want to beat you up.* So I just say all the things I would normally say to people. Turns out my brand of humor is sort of an acquired taste. It's like beer or coffee or black tar heroin. At first you think, "damn, that's horrible, I'm not doing that again". But then after awhile you'd sell your first born child for it.
I say all this because I think I made a horrible first impression for someone recently. Well, that's perhaps giving me a more credit than I deserve. Let's just say "hypothetically" - wink, wink- that I met another person who was supposed to TA for the same class that I am TAing for...hypothetically. Let's also pretend that she said she couldn't take any of the morning sections which I also did not want to take. So let's just say for the sake of this story that I was sort of peeved about that when I first met her. I may or may not have determined that the best course of action upon meeting her was to use all of my "charm" in order to politely say hello in a way that most likely conveyed that I didn't really want to say hello. I also may or may not have then answered all subsequent questions with "yes" or "no" answers only. Except when I might have stated, "no, I've never TAed for this class before. I mean, I taught this class over the summer, but no, not TAed for it." Imagine my surprise then when I heard that she decided that she couldn't TA for the class at all and just dropped out of sight. Was it all me? I think that's giving me too much credit, but I do have a, how do you say, "strong" personality.
Now I get to TA for all the sections. Lucky me! That means I get to go make a stellar first impression for 6 separate classes of students. I've done 4 so far. So only two more to go. But I think my track record will show that I'm sort of like cheese or wine or Sean Connery, I only get better with age.
On a somewhat unrelated note, why do I take it so personally when their little eyes glaze over and they look bored? It's not me. I'm freaking fascinating. So why does it sort of pierce my heart a little bit each time? Oh well.
On a completely unrelated note. Z and I had our 6 month anniversary yesterday. I gave him some twigs which I assume could be turned into paper.**
*I don't consider that time my fault. I said something completely harmless and I was just kidding around and that dude decided that he wanted to beat me up. He honestly really did. My brother told him to just calm down and that I was joking and he said, "she doesn't know me well enough to joke around." Really, sir? Really? I don't know you well enough to make a joke? That's an attitude that's not going to get you very far in prison. I tell you that as a friend.
**I'm not going to make you work for that one. Your one year anniversary gift is paper. See? I'm saying that I gave him half of that. I gave him something that was on it's way to being...you know what never mind. Like it or don't. I can't care anymore.
I'm out.
I say all this because I think I made a horrible first impression for someone recently. Well, that's perhaps giving me a more credit than I deserve. Let's just say "hypothetically" - wink, wink- that I met another person who was supposed to TA for the same class that I am TAing for...hypothetically. Let's also pretend that she said she couldn't take any of the morning sections which I also did not want to take. So let's just say for the sake of this story that I was sort of peeved about that when I first met her. I may or may not have determined that the best course of action upon meeting her was to use all of my "charm" in order to politely say hello in a way that most likely conveyed that I didn't really want to say hello. I also may or may not have then answered all subsequent questions with "yes" or "no" answers only. Except when I might have stated, "no, I've never TAed for this class before. I mean, I taught this class over the summer, but no, not TAed for it." Imagine my surprise then when I heard that she decided that she couldn't TA for the class at all and just dropped out of sight. Was it all me? I think that's giving me too much credit, but I do have a, how do you say, "strong" personality.
Now I get to TA for all the sections. Lucky me! That means I get to go make a stellar first impression for 6 separate classes of students. I've done 4 so far. So only two more to go. But I think my track record will show that I'm sort of like cheese or wine or Sean Connery, I only get better with age.
On a somewhat unrelated note, why do I take it so personally when their little eyes glaze over and they look bored? It's not me. I'm freaking fascinating. So why does it sort of pierce my heart a little bit each time? Oh well.
On a completely unrelated note. Z and I had our 6 month anniversary yesterday. I gave him some twigs which I assume could be turned into paper.**
*I don't consider that time my fault. I said something completely harmless and I was just kidding around and that dude decided that he wanted to beat me up. He honestly really did. My brother told him to just calm down and that I was joking and he said, "she doesn't know me well enough to joke around." Really, sir? Really? I don't know you well enough to make a joke? That's an attitude that's not going to get you very far in prison. I tell you that as a friend.
**I'm not going to make you work for that one. Your one year anniversary gift is paper. See? I'm saying that I gave him half of that. I gave him something that was on it's way to being...you know what never mind. Like it or don't. I can't care anymore.
I'm out.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Quality
I choose only to communicate in short bursts punctuated with dots. Some might call this "lazy" or "uncaring", but I call it "quality".
- Tomorrow is the first day of the new semester. Isn't that just super exciting? I know it excites me. I'm lying. LYING.
- It's kinda cold here. Not in the negative numbers, but cold nonetheless. It makes leaving the house a pain, but I did go on a walk today to try to exercise. My face was red when I came home, but so far all of my parts are still on my face, so I think it will be ok.
- I made pasta today with garlic and oil. Tomorrow I am making pasta with "tofu balls" and marinara. Who knows what wonders Wednesday will warrant?
- Zach said, "I like pasta, I won't get tired of it." We'll just see about that, Zach. We. will. just. see. about. that.
- I'm watching Nero Wolfe on DVD. Surprisingly, this is one show that Zach will actually watch with me. He basically hates all things "murder mystery", whereas I may be obsessed with them. But he really likes Nero Wolfe. He's just one big mystery wrapped in an enigma, covered in chocolate and topped with nuts.
- I didn't shower yesterday. I *think* I showered the day before, but I can't be sure. I have however showered today. It's just so cold and dry now, it's hard to make myself shower.
- Speaking of showering, which I am, this may fall under the category, "TMI", but I'm going to go for it anyway. Zach can go for a number of days without showering and he doesn't smell or look dirty or anything. I, on the other hand, look oily and dirty after 1 day of not showering AND if I use deodorant without aluminum (apparently, aluminum keeps you from sweating) which is made for men (because they don't seem to sell any for women) I will smell. SMELL. Like a just-hit-puberty-doesn't-know-any-better-boy. What the hell is the deal? Strong enough for a man, but not for my armpit smell. I would feel more embarrassed, but it just makes me angry. What is the deal? How is that fair? I shower all the time, but I guess we all know why now, don't we? Because otherwise I am a dirty smelly hippy. Ok, I'm not sure I qualify for hippy after not showering, but the first two I am on like flies on...me.
- My little bro is moving to Chicago. Apparently we siblings cannot get enough of the midwest. I think he just missed being within 232 miles of me. I get that. So many people feel that way.
- Cardinals vs. Steelers for the Superbowl. I don't really care, except that my family is rooting for the Cardinals and my husband's family is rooting for the Steelers. Zach and I get married and 6 months later our two family's teams are in the Superbowl, coincidence??? I think not. This is just further proof of the universe's orbit around me.
- I'm tired and my brain is sluggish. I'm going to work on that for future posts. Be excited. BE VERY EXCITED. USE ALL CAPS TO EXPRESS YOUR EXCITEMENT.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Set the Flamingo Free
Seriously. It's cold in Iowa too. I pretty much hate winter and everything cold. And water. And ice. And sleet. Snow, I hate snow. Negative temperatures, not cool. I don't know, I do like polar bears, but if it's them or me...I gotta go with me on this one.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Update Central, Population: You
First of all let's just get to my hair. I got a new haircut awhile back, but I'm just now showing you how awesome it is:
Nice, right? I know. I know.
I also promised updates about our trip to PA and I'm going to try to follow through with that. We had a hellish flight out of Cedar Rapids (Eastern Iowa Airport...serving all of Eastern Iowa...that's a lot of area for one super crappy little airport, it's amazing). I'm going to try to recap that for you, but I've told the story a lot now and it's getting old. But I always try to give my public what they want.
We were scheduled to fly out of Cedar Rapids at 11:30 AM on December 27 and arrive in Allentown, PA at 4:00 PM on December 27. We arrived in Philadelphia at 9:30 in the morning on December 28. So I guess that the airline sort of got us to where we kind of wanted to go, sort of around the time we wanted to go there. I mean, thanks guys! I could have driven to Allentown before I got there on the plane, but I wouldn't have spent nearly as much money so thanks for the opportunity to sit in the airport for a day and give you $800 for the privilege. Oh, and the extra $15 charge that you hit us with on the way home (also delayed, but not as much) for checking a bag? Double thanks for that! That was awesome.
So we got to the airport on the 27th at about 9:45 in the morning and had a breakfast sandwich and I took some motion sickness medicine (anti-, not pro-) and then we went through the friendly airport security (I'm being sarcastic, those people are not friendly, they are suspicious and angry and pushy people). We started waiting at the gate for our flight. No problem we thought. This is fine. Everything's fine. So we wait. And wait...and our flight time comes and goes and it then our connection flight time in Chicago comes and goes. So we go up to the desk and get booked on later flights so that when we do get to O'Hare we can get to somewhere else. They book us on a flight from O'hare to Washington Dulles and then from there to Allentown arriving at 11:30 PM. Not ideal. I'm not really digging getting on two planes let alone 3 and we were supposed to get in by 4:00PM, but whatever fine. So we sit down to wait some more. Then, miraculously we board. Ok, great! We're going! We'll get to O'hare and then we'll go to D.C. and then we'll be there. Better than nothing! So we sit. Hm...that's strange. Suddenly the stewardess, who was probably on her second day of the job, says, "Oh, oh no. Oh no, that's not good. Oh, that's very bad." Which is just as bad, if not worse, than when a hairdresser says, "oops". Then, Dingbat, gets on the loudspeaker and says, "Um...yeah, I just wanted to explain why I was acting so unprofessionally there. We were closing the door and it's so cold that a wire on the door snapped and so now the door won't close." Apparently that's bad. I'm no mechanic, but apparently you can't fly with the door to an airplane open. Don't ask me to explain, just trust me. So now the pilot comes out to apologize to the plane full of angry delayed passengers. He says that they don't have a mechanic at this airport because they contract in employees here, so they have to call the mechanic and he'll be there to fix it soon and then we can go. This turns out to be a lie. First of all, this is apparently the same mechanic that delayed us initially because there was something else wrong with the plane when it came in, so that's why we were waiting before. We all get off the plane. Now Zach and I are going to miss our next connection because the roads are now icy and apparently the mechanic lives in the middle of nowhere and can't get in very quickly, so he'll be there in like an hour or something. We get booked on another flight from Chicago to Allentown and we get put on standby for another flight that's leaving from Cedar Rapids to Chicago. We some how get on the other flight to Chicago. This is good because it's the last flight out to Chicago that we could get on until Monday morning. Bad news is, when we get to O'hare our flight to Allentown is cancelled and there are no more flights to Allentown until Monday morning. We wait in line at the customer service counter for 1.5 hours. This is not time well spent. Now we are tired, hungry, angry and disappointed. Some of us more than others...Z, I'm looking at you. We get up to the counter and Zach basically loses the plot*. He doesn't really yell, but he gets pretty pissy. The customer service agent stops speaking to him and only addresses me. We cannot get a flight to Allentown, but we can get a flight to Philadelphia at 6:00 in the morning on Sunday. We decide to go for this option because it is the only option we have. Using what I like to call "Good Cop Bad Cop" Zach and I get a super sweet hotel room for free. They were not giving out free vouchers for hotel rooms, they were giving out discounted room rates, but we were able to get a free room! I think it's because the customer service guy felt sorry that I was going to be dealing with Zach for the rest of the night and took pity on me. We catch a shuttle to the hotel. Here are some pictures of our suite. It was super nice. Really nice room. Too bad we were only in it for a few hours, but still.
Our bed, very nice, soft and big. I slept about 2 hours in it. Delightful. We had to wake up at 3:30 because we needed to get to the airport to catch the 6 AM flight.
We went to dinner at Harry Caray's Italian Steakhouse. It was expensive, but really nice. We felt we deserved it. Then we went back to the hotel, showered and went to bed. I didn't really sleep because apparently whenever I only have a few hours to sleep I wake up every 20 minutes in order to check how much more time I have to sleep. Long story short. We made the flight on Sunday morning and got picked up in Philadelphia. Basically it took us 12 hours to get to Chicago. We could have driven to Chicago, forgotten something, driven back to Iowa City, then driven back to Chicago in the time it took us to get there on Saturday and it wasn't even our final destination. AWESOME!
Anyway, we finally got into PA, got to the in-laws and partied hard. It was a good week. I was going to write out all the notes that Zach took from the time there, but I took way, way too much time to tell this plane story, so I'm going to just say that we had a good time. We visited with friends and family, ate a lot, drank a lot, went on a tour of historical Bethlehem, walked to New Jersey and then back to PA in one day (see pictures below) and had a baby.
We didn't want to say anything, but Zach was pregnant and now we have this beautiful baby. Not really. Although it would explain the weight gain, eh Zach? I can't talk. It looks like I've been pregnant for about 5 years now. Stupid winter weight gain! That's actually Zach's cousin's baby. The first boy born on that side of the family since Zach was born. He's super cute. I'm going to use this picture for our Christmas card next year because it makes us look like we've got a nice little family unit going.
Ok, so anyway, to recap. Flying - sucks. Airports-suck. Traveling- sucks. Seeing family and friends - Awesome. Learning about history- Awesome. Holding babies that you can give back when they get cranky and not having to pay for them and raise them for 18 years - Priceless.
Happy New Year to you all from your favorite couple:
(Taken on New Year's day. Our first New Year as a married couple. GO US!)
*This is a British slang term that means "throws a fit". I love it and want to make it popular across the pond here.
Nice, right? I know. I know.
I also promised updates about our trip to PA and I'm going to try to follow through with that. We had a hellish flight out of Cedar Rapids (Eastern Iowa Airport...serving all of Eastern Iowa...that's a lot of area for one super crappy little airport, it's amazing). I'm going to try to recap that for you, but I've told the story a lot now and it's getting old. But I always try to give my public what they want.
We were scheduled to fly out of Cedar Rapids at 11:30 AM on December 27 and arrive in Allentown, PA at 4:00 PM on December 27. We arrived in Philadelphia at 9:30 in the morning on December 28. So I guess that the airline sort of got us to where we kind of wanted to go, sort of around the time we wanted to go there. I mean, thanks guys! I could have driven to Allentown before I got there on the plane, but I wouldn't have spent nearly as much money so thanks for the opportunity to sit in the airport for a day and give you $800 for the privilege. Oh, and the extra $15 charge that you hit us with on the way home (also delayed, but not as much) for checking a bag? Double thanks for that! That was awesome.
So we got to the airport on the 27th at about 9:45 in the morning and had a breakfast sandwich and I took some motion sickness medicine (anti-, not pro-) and then we went through the friendly airport security (I'm being sarcastic, those people are not friendly, they are suspicious and angry and pushy people). We started waiting at the gate for our flight. No problem we thought. This is fine. Everything's fine. So we wait. And wait...and our flight time comes and goes and it then our connection flight time in Chicago comes and goes. So we go up to the desk and get booked on later flights so that when we do get to O'Hare we can get to somewhere else. They book us on a flight from O'hare to Washington Dulles and then from there to Allentown arriving at 11:30 PM. Not ideal. I'm not really digging getting on two planes let alone 3 and we were supposed to get in by 4:00PM, but whatever fine. So we sit down to wait some more. Then, miraculously we board. Ok, great! We're going! We'll get to O'hare and then we'll go to D.C. and then we'll be there. Better than nothing! So we sit. Hm...that's strange. Suddenly the stewardess, who was probably on her second day of the job, says, "Oh, oh no. Oh no, that's not good. Oh, that's very bad." Which is just as bad, if not worse, than when a hairdresser says, "oops". Then, Dingbat, gets on the loudspeaker and says, "Um...yeah, I just wanted to explain why I was acting so unprofessionally there. We were closing the door and it's so cold that a wire on the door snapped and so now the door won't close." Apparently that's bad. I'm no mechanic, but apparently you can't fly with the door to an airplane open. Don't ask me to explain, just trust me. So now the pilot comes out to apologize to the plane full of angry delayed passengers. He says that they don't have a mechanic at this airport because they contract in employees here, so they have to call the mechanic and he'll be there to fix it soon and then we can go. This turns out to be a lie. First of all, this is apparently the same mechanic that delayed us initially because there was something else wrong with the plane when it came in, so that's why we were waiting before. We all get off the plane. Now Zach and I are going to miss our next connection because the roads are now icy and apparently the mechanic lives in the middle of nowhere and can't get in very quickly, so he'll be there in like an hour or something. We get booked on another flight from Chicago to Allentown and we get put on standby for another flight that's leaving from Cedar Rapids to Chicago. We some how get on the other flight to Chicago. This is good because it's the last flight out to Chicago that we could get on until Monday morning. Bad news is, when we get to O'hare our flight to Allentown is cancelled and there are no more flights to Allentown until Monday morning. We wait in line at the customer service counter for 1.5 hours. This is not time well spent. Now we are tired, hungry, angry and disappointed. Some of us more than others...Z, I'm looking at you. We get up to the counter and Zach basically loses the plot*. He doesn't really yell, but he gets pretty pissy. The customer service agent stops speaking to him and only addresses me. We cannot get a flight to Allentown, but we can get a flight to Philadelphia at 6:00 in the morning on Sunday. We decide to go for this option because it is the only option we have. Using what I like to call "Good Cop Bad Cop" Zach and I get a super sweet hotel room for free. They were not giving out free vouchers for hotel rooms, they were giving out discounted room rates, but we were able to get a free room! I think it's because the customer service guy felt sorry that I was going to be dealing with Zach for the rest of the night and took pity on me. We catch a shuttle to the hotel. Here are some pictures of our suite. It was super nice. Really nice room. Too bad we were only in it for a few hours, but still.
Our bed, very nice, soft and big. I slept about 2 hours in it. Delightful. We had to wake up at 3:30 because we needed to get to the airport to catch the 6 AM flight.
We went to dinner at Harry Caray's Italian Steakhouse. It was expensive, but really nice. We felt we deserved it. Then we went back to the hotel, showered and went to bed. I didn't really sleep because apparently whenever I only have a few hours to sleep I wake up every 20 minutes in order to check how much more time I have to sleep. Long story short. We made the flight on Sunday morning and got picked up in Philadelphia. Basically it took us 12 hours to get to Chicago. We could have driven to Chicago, forgotten something, driven back to Iowa City, then driven back to Chicago in the time it took us to get there on Saturday and it wasn't even our final destination. AWESOME!
Anyway, we finally got into PA, got to the in-laws and partied hard. It was a good week. I was going to write out all the notes that Zach took from the time there, but I took way, way too much time to tell this plane story, so I'm going to just say that we had a good time. We visited with friends and family, ate a lot, drank a lot, went on a tour of historical Bethlehem, walked to New Jersey and then back to PA in one day (see pictures below) and had a baby.
We didn't want to say anything, but Zach was pregnant and now we have this beautiful baby. Not really. Although it would explain the weight gain, eh Zach? I can't talk. It looks like I've been pregnant for about 5 years now. Stupid winter weight gain! That's actually Zach's cousin's baby. The first boy born on that side of the family since Zach was born. He's super cute. I'm going to use this picture for our Christmas card next year because it makes us look like we've got a nice little family unit going. Ok, so anyway, to recap. Flying - sucks. Airports-suck. Traveling- sucks. Seeing family and friends - Awesome. Learning about history- Awesome. Holding babies that you can give back when they get cranky and not having to pay for them and raise them for 18 years - Priceless.
Happy New Year to you all from your favorite couple:
(Taken on New Year's day. Our first New Year as a married couple. GO US!)*This is a British slang term that means "throws a fit". I love it and want to make it popular across the pond here.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Updates are coming, I promise
Hello Loyal Readers,
Tonight I bring you the promise of updates to come. It's somehow not as satisfying as the actual updates, but it gets you closer- it's like no-calorie sweetener. It sort of does the job, but you miss the actual sugar. Don't lie, you know original Coke is better than Coke Zero. But you know that Coke Zero is better for you. I'm honestly not sure where I am going with this metaphor. I've completely lost control of it. I'm like Bugs Bunny on the way to Pismo Beach, I should have taken the right turn at Albuquerque.*
Anyway, I came back to the "real world" on Sunday, but I haven't been willing to sit down and blog about all our adventures in PA yet. It's coming though, my awesome husband took notes on the trip, so I am totally prepared to give you a blow-by-blow of what we did on our vacation. I'll start with the "Great Airline Fiasco of 2008". It rivals even the "Great Airline Fiasco of 2007". Apparently, the universe does not want me to travel any where for the holidays. There are those that will say, "that's what you get for living in the midwest." To those people I say, "go to hell". The airlines should adopt the policy of the U.S. Postal Service - through rain or shine or dark of night...or snow, or ice or mechanical failure...just get me there! I paid you damn it, hold up your end of the bargain. But wait, I don't want to spoil it for you.
So I will post, and soon, because as many of you know my new year starts in two days on the 10th. That's really when I like to celebrate the new year.
Until we meet again,
Rose
*Serious extra points to those of you keeping score at home for getting that reference.**
**Extra points for enjoying it.***
***Can you footnote a footnote? Is that allowed? It should be if it isn't.
Tonight I bring you the promise of updates to come. It's somehow not as satisfying as the actual updates, but it gets you closer- it's like no-calorie sweetener. It sort of does the job, but you miss the actual sugar. Don't lie, you know original Coke is better than Coke Zero. But you know that Coke Zero is better for you. I'm honestly not sure where I am going with this metaphor. I've completely lost control of it. I'm like Bugs Bunny on the way to Pismo Beach, I should have taken the right turn at Albuquerque.*
Anyway, I came back to the "real world" on Sunday, but I haven't been willing to sit down and blog about all our adventures in PA yet. It's coming though, my awesome husband took notes on the trip, so I am totally prepared to give you a blow-by-blow of what we did on our vacation. I'll start with the "Great Airline Fiasco of 2008". It rivals even the "Great Airline Fiasco of 2007". Apparently, the universe does not want me to travel any where for the holidays. There are those that will say, "that's what you get for living in the midwest." To those people I say, "go to hell". The airlines should adopt the policy of the U.S. Postal Service - through rain or shine or dark of night...or snow, or ice or mechanical failure...just get me there! I paid you damn it, hold up your end of the bargain. But wait, I don't want to spoil it for you.
So I will post, and soon, because as many of you know my new year starts in two days on the 10th. That's really when I like to celebrate the new year.
Until we meet again,
Rose
*Serious extra points to those of you keeping score at home for getting that reference.**
**Extra points for enjoying it.***
***Can you footnote a footnote? Is that allowed? It should be if it isn't.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Things that Television Taught Me Tonight
Today/tonight I've been watching television. It's not because I want to. It's because I'm sacrificing my time in order to learn things from television and pass them on to you. No, no, you don't have to thank me. I do it because I care. Here are some lessons that television has taught me tonight, in no particular order:
Arizona is beating BYU, but not the good Arizona school (ASU - GO SUN DEVILS!) The bad Arizona school...the school that thinks it's all awesome, but really we all know the truth.
Lard comes from around the kidney region of the pig.
Bobby Flay does contemporary Southwestern cuisine. Oddly, this is a fact that I've learned on two separate occasions tonight.
It's really crappy weather today. It will be even crappier tomorrow. Apparently some nice 20 to 30 MPH wind is currently occurring which is working to bring the temperature down to -30 with the windchill. Tomorrow the high will be 2 and the low will be -8. It will be 5 on Monday. It's 1 now.
Paula Deen is super crazy, but she seems really happy, so it's hard for me to begrudge her the craziness.
Alton Brown is sort of a pompous ass. I think that's an image he cultivates, so he probably doesn't care if I am saying it about him, but c'mon Alton, lighten up. Oh, and according to Alton most Americans mistakenly think that all of the heat in peppers come from the seeds, but in fact quite a bit is contained in the white membrane that holds the seeds to the pepper flesh. I'm not sure if he took a poll of most Americans or where he gets his information, but you know what Alton? I knew that. So ha!
Will Ferrel is taking over the air waves. I can't blame the networks because he is funny. I used to think that I hated Will Ferrel but then I realized that I own almost all of the movies he's been in and I had to finally admit to myself that, yeah, I do like Will Ferrel.
Ashton Kutcher loves taking pictures.
Saturday night is not the best night for television.
The women on the Rock of Love Charm School are hard core. I would not like to meet any of them on a dark street at night. I'm not sure what happens to people when they get on reality television. Do they feed those people a steady diet of drugs, alcohol and crazy pills? I would never go on reality television because they wouldn't have to cut the footage all that much to make me look like "the bitchy one" and I just don't want that on record for everyone to see. How do people go back to their normal lives after being on reality television? Why can't I turn off these shows??
There's some new natural sweetener that comes from the Stevia plant and doesn't have any calories and is all natural. Why has it taken us this long to find this natural, no calorie sweetener? What else are scientists and botanists working on? Some cure for cancer? Fine, I guess, but no calorie sweetener that won't give you cancer? Seems like something we should have been working harder on.
Never, never, never under any circumstances should you become a drug mule for a man that you barely know and just met in Thailand. I'd think that this would be obvious to anyone, but apparently it bears repeating because I just watched an entire hour long program in which this lesson had to be learned the hard way. Also, I'm 99.9% sure that you shouldn't be a drug mule ever. Just don't do it. Because I also learned where you put the drugs and trust me, it's not pretty.
I didn't like the movie Swordfish the first time and it turns out that hasn't changed. I will tell you this though, just like in the movie, our family's secret password, you know, in case a stranger ever came to pick you up and you had to ask them for the password that your parents told them and they had to tell you the right one? Ok, so our family's password was Swordfish. Um...ok, that's probably not safe. Listen, Andy if you are reading this, don't get in the car with any strangers who tell you that password. I'll ask Mom and Dad to come up with a different one and tell us. OK?
The Big Ten Network wins hands down for "Most Boringest Station on Television" and "Least Likely to Be Watched by Me".
I cannot tell a lie, I want a GT Express 101 Indoor Grill. I'm sorry. The infomercial convinced me. It's got a unique dual cooking chamber. How can anyone resist?
I haven't watched Saturday Night Live in over 10 years and I don't regret that decision one little bit.
I find it amazing that there are a ton of shows of which I have seen maybe 2 episodes, but every time I flip through, I somehow have seen that episode of the show? What are the odds?
Ok, I'm gonna go continue my education now. Hopefully these lessons will serve you well.
Arizona is beating BYU, but not the good Arizona school (ASU - GO SUN DEVILS!) The bad Arizona school...the school that thinks it's all awesome, but really we all know the truth.
Lard comes from around the kidney region of the pig.
Bobby Flay does contemporary Southwestern cuisine. Oddly, this is a fact that I've learned on two separate occasions tonight.
It's really crappy weather today. It will be even crappier tomorrow. Apparently some nice 20 to 30 MPH wind is currently occurring which is working to bring the temperature down to -30 with the windchill. Tomorrow the high will be 2 and the low will be -8. It will be 5 on Monday. It's 1 now.
Paula Deen is super crazy, but she seems really happy, so it's hard for me to begrudge her the craziness.
Alton Brown is sort of a pompous ass. I think that's an image he cultivates, so he probably doesn't care if I am saying it about him, but c'mon Alton, lighten up. Oh, and according to Alton most Americans mistakenly think that all of the heat in peppers come from the seeds, but in fact quite a bit is contained in the white membrane that holds the seeds to the pepper flesh. I'm not sure if he took a poll of most Americans or where he gets his information, but you know what Alton? I knew that. So ha!
Will Ferrel is taking over the air waves. I can't blame the networks because he is funny. I used to think that I hated Will Ferrel but then I realized that I own almost all of the movies he's been in and I had to finally admit to myself that, yeah, I do like Will Ferrel.
Ashton Kutcher loves taking pictures.
Saturday night is not the best night for television.
The women on the Rock of Love Charm School are hard core. I would not like to meet any of them on a dark street at night. I'm not sure what happens to people when they get on reality television. Do they feed those people a steady diet of drugs, alcohol and crazy pills? I would never go on reality television because they wouldn't have to cut the footage all that much to make me look like "the bitchy one" and I just don't want that on record for everyone to see. How do people go back to their normal lives after being on reality television? Why can't I turn off these shows??
There's some new natural sweetener that comes from the Stevia plant and doesn't have any calories and is all natural. Why has it taken us this long to find this natural, no calorie sweetener? What else are scientists and botanists working on? Some cure for cancer? Fine, I guess, but no calorie sweetener that won't give you cancer? Seems like something we should have been working harder on.
Never, never, never under any circumstances should you become a drug mule for a man that you barely know and just met in Thailand. I'd think that this would be obvious to anyone, but apparently it bears repeating because I just watched an entire hour long program in which this lesson had to be learned the hard way. Also, I'm 99.9% sure that you shouldn't be a drug mule ever. Just don't do it. Because I also learned where you put the drugs and trust me, it's not pretty.
I didn't like the movie Swordfish the first time and it turns out that hasn't changed. I will tell you this though, just like in the movie, our family's secret password, you know, in case a stranger ever came to pick you up and you had to ask them for the password that your parents told them and they had to tell you the right one? Ok, so our family's password was Swordfish. Um...ok, that's probably not safe. Listen, Andy if you are reading this, don't get in the car with any strangers who tell you that password. I'll ask Mom and Dad to come up with a different one and tell us. OK?
The Big Ten Network wins hands down for "Most Boringest Station on Television" and "Least Likely to Be Watched by Me".
I cannot tell a lie, I want a GT Express 101 Indoor Grill. I'm sorry. The infomercial convinced me. It's got a unique dual cooking chamber. How can anyone resist?
I haven't watched Saturday Night Live in over 10 years and I don't regret that decision one little bit.
I find it amazing that there are a ton of shows of which I have seen maybe 2 episodes, but every time I flip through, I somehow have seen that episode of the show? What are the odds?
Ok, I'm gonna go continue my education now. Hopefully these lessons will serve you well.
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