We Interrupt This Malaise to Bring You a Health Update

I know that I'm always saying that I'm going to die. I may not have mentioned it enough on this blog, but allow me to start now. I think I'm going to die. Here's the story:

I was eating lunch. I had a couple of corn tortillas (and yeah, I'm sticking to the story that it was just a couple) and some cucumber slices with ranch dip. I went back downstairs to get another tortilla to dip into the ranch dip...because I was tired off just eating it off my finger (note to roommates: you don't want that dip unless you want my germs...so maybe you do want that dip). So I came back up and sat down at the computer and I felt a little prick on my arm as it brushed my leg, but didn't see anything. Then as I dipped a piece of tortilla in the dip and put it in my mouth I felt a prick on my finger and I saw a tiny sliver of glass in my finger. So I pulled it out and then I spit out the mouth full of food I had and started shrieking.

And now I'm pretty sure I'm going to die. Seriously. What am I going to do? Where did the glass come from? Is it poisonous? Do you think someone is trying to get me to eat ground glass? What would be the motive? I don't have any money. I'm so concerned. I know that you're all doubting me now, but when I wake up dead tomorrow, then who will be sorry?

In other news, my foot hurts. I went for a 1.5 hour walk yesterday. I thought that everything was fine. My feet didn't hurt while I walked or at all yesterday (though to be fair, after I walked, I don't think I moved more than 10 feet all day). But today when I walked to the bus and then to my building, I was limping. My left foot/ankle is killing me. I would have run around screaming about dying from the scary glass now working its way through my veins, but I can't. I just can't. Literally.

I guess only time will tell if I am going to live to post another day.

Greta Garbo Said It Best

I bought a Demetri Martin cd (These are the Jokes) off of iTunes yesterday. It's pretty funny.

He had this joke:

"There are some many board games with so many different titles. Sometimes I feel like they could all be called the same thing- which one of my friends is a competitive a**hole. It's like, tonight we played, Steve."

Sunday Bloody Sunday

So this week's title theme was song titles. 5 points to those of you playing at home. I thought today we'd talk about some more of my shortcomings. Because I don't think we focus on those enough. But then I thought no, you know what? I'm not going to do that. Because this is my blog and not a support group.

Then I realized I have nothing else to talk about. Because my parents said that, "if you can't say anything nice, you shouldn't say anything at all."

Saturday Night's Alright (For Fighting)

I'm tired. It's 2:41 PM on this lazy Saturday and I'm apparently watching football. Not my idea, but every so often I like to throw Zach a bone. That's how you remain Alpha Dog, you gotta be nice.

Anyway, I don't have too much to say right now. So I'll leave you with a few random thoughts-and nothing entertaining- unless you think the random stuff that goes through my head is entertaining. So yeah, I guess I will leave you with something entertaining.

• I went to Spence Fest this morning it's a conference about learning theory. It was awesome for me, so I'm glad I went.
• I proofread a manuscript that it now in press in "Personality and Individual Differences" - it's the work that I did as an undergrad, finally. I'm second author, but I suppose it's nice to be published. My advisor and I just had another paper accepted to Psychological Bulletin and Review....again I'm second author. Eh, it's a start.
• I plan to do absolutely nothing for the rest of the day- I'm so excited.
• Wow. I am seriously sleepy right now. I think I'm out.

Peace.

Friday

I realized today that we are almost into October. I think you all know what that means. My birthday is almost here!! You only have 111 shopping days left! January 10th is almost upon you!

With that in mind I thought I'd do a post about some of the things that I want, so that you can get a jump start on making my dreams come true. Also, a Happy Birthday wish for Mike S.! It's probably rude to talk about your own birthday on someone else's, but I mean, this is MY birthday we are talking about.

Gift Ideas:

1. An 80 GB iPod Classic in Black (new...that's funny to me...it's called the classic, but alas, it's not the same) - $250.00 - I think I know 10 people. Which means, that if each of you just chipped in $25 I could have one of these. Alternatively, for a mere $200 the 8GB iPod Nano in Turquoise because as we all know, turquoise is the new black. And I'll just remind you all now that you can get it engraved. It's not that I don't love the old iPod - because I really, really do. And I think that's why I want another one. I'm afraid Siggy might conk out on my again and it just breaks my heart. I'm currently having such a great time listening. And he's not sick yet, but his battery life is sort of lacking. I just think it might be time for Siggy II...whom I will call Siggy Jr.

Think of the joy that you will be bringing to my heart. And unlike other years in which I just asked for a party and no gifts...all I'm asking for is a gift and no party. How much easier is that than normal? Although I still might want a pastry homage to myself. Because Heidi always makes a super kick ass representation of me in cake form and it just seems wrong to deny the world one of those, doesn't it?

2. Murder She Wrote - any number of the seasons. But I'll tell you right now, you might get a better deal if you just all chip in together and get the iPod.

3. Pure Grace from Philosophy - that's a perfume. It smells pretty good.

4. Gift Certificate to a book store or to iTunes or something such as that.

I think that's about it for gift ideas right now. I hope this doesn't seem like the thinly veiled attempt to ask for an iPod that it is. I'm just saying. There are at least a group of you, that brings your individual cost way down. You don't even have to wrap it.

Happy Thursday I Love You

I bring you only two things today:

1. This is the message (or the best approximation of it I can manage) on the hand dryer in the bathroom: We have installed a pollution free hand dryer that dries hands while getting rid of the need for concern about disease transmitted from towel waste. This system allows you to dry hands without chapping while eliminating towel litter.

It's just like...wow....I never knew that I should be worrying about diseases transmitted from towel litter. I mean, what the hell disease could that be? It's so disturbing. I wanted to take a picture of it for you, but if you know anything about me or have been paying attention - I'm sure you can imagine the incredible amount of stress I have about just going into a public bathroom, let alone carrying in a camera. Oh, I got chills just thinking about it.

2. Siggy, the iPod has risen from the dead. I had a couple of versions of a joke here, but then decided that my mortal soul is probably in enough hot water without further blasphemy, so I leave it you, Gentle Reader, to make your own jokes. I'm just excited because currently the iPod is working again and I love him. It's like an old friend coming home.

Enjoy Thursday, People. We just have to finish today and tomorrow and then we're golden.

Waiting for Wednesday

Today I'm not admitting that I was wrong. I'm just saying that I've stated something in the past that I was convinced of, but now I'm convinced in a different direction. I'm hardly ever wrong, I think over the tenure of our relationship you would know that by now. But sometimes I change my mind. And that's ok. That shows growth as a person. It should be commended.

In the past I may have told you, or emailed you or whined incessantly for an hour about how much I hate the cold, seasons and the chipper attitude with which people from climates with seasons espouse their LOVE of the seasons. Seriously, the "I love (not heart...because that's a symbol that means love people, not a word to be used...seriously) the seasons, the seasons are great." Well, now I sorta have to take back those things I said. Although to say I am taking them back admits defeat and I will NEVER admit defeat. So I guess I need to amend what I've said in the past.

Turns out, I love the change of seasons. I still hate winter. Winter is a bitch mother whelping demon dogs from hell. Winter is the antithesis of all things good. Winter = bad. Additionally, the humidity part of summer can kiss my .......toe. Kiss is humidity. I'm not impressed by you. However, Fall? Spring? Well, wow. Let me tell you. The change of seasons is pretty freaking amazing.

Fall comes at the end of summer. It's right after August - the month where it is both hot and really, really humid. And then suddenly - cool, crisp, non-humid, perfect fall. Not too cold. Not too hot. Sweaters, maybe a little jacket. Cute outfits with tights (not for me, but other people can rock the look). It's awesome. It comes at such a nice time too. Because I'm tired of being hot and uncomfortable. We had a bit of fall last week...and then this week was just like, "screw you, Rose, I'm going to be hot and somewhat muggy." But I think that the fall is coming back. And I am so ready for it. I bought a crock pot. I can make slow cook meals all day and warm the house. I'm so ready for the fall. I can wear a scarf, but I don't HAVE to do it. The leaves change colors and are really pretty, and it's not like winter when all the trees are bare and you just see the world for the bleak wasteland that it is...oh winter, no.

Spring is awesome too because it's like Winter's PR person doing damage control. Winter makes you hate life and nature in general. Unless you are doing winter in Arizona and then winter is super awesome. Winter is the best. Winter in Arizona is like Fall in cold places. But winter in cold places does nothing for the image of nature. It makes you want to pollute and consume resources because what has nature ever given you except the cold depression of winter. But then, just as you think you can't take it any more. Spring. The first buds on the trees. Flowers start to poke their heads up. It's breath-taking. And it feels so good. That's why people worship the renewal of life in the spring because Winter feels like death and then Spring comes and breathes new life into the world. Amazing.

Come back, Fall. I'll be good I promise. Just come back and make it cold enough for me to wear my grandma's sweater and I'll be so happy. Make it crock pot weather, I implore you. And to those of you without the season change - come visit. It's worth the trip.