I, again, humbly suggest that you look at the first installment of the Christmas eve debacle or even better the post before that explaining why I am posting on Christmas Eve from Iowa. The CrapEye state. The HawkCrap state. Whatever clever name you want to make up for this stupid place.
6:51 PM -
Hm...so I've wiped down the fridge, done more dishes, itemized the food for when Zach returns eaten more food thus assuring weight gain, brought in the mail, organized my "papers", watched more of the Closer and napped a little. Gotten a bit more despondent and lonely. Is that wrong? Apparently, I can't be trusted alone for more than about 2 hours. Normally I would relish the time alone. It's fun to be by myself often. I've have been craving alone time since about July. But now that I am alone, I'm just not digging it. I think it's the holiday. I feel like for better or for worse, it's just better to be around people on a holiday.
Now it's 7 PM and I would like to believe that in 24 hours I will be landing in Phoenix, but it's just really hard to believe. I need to figure out how to entertain myself for a bit longer so that I can fall asleep and just wake up and go tomorrow. The best idea is to get up late and then get ready to go to the airport. Hopefully someone in a shuttle will be here to pick me up and take me to the airport. Then if the god of travel, William Shatner, is kind, perhaps I'll make it home.
For the 0 persons reading this- send good karma my way so that I can get out of here.
Monday, December 24, 2007
Christmas Eve 2007 Continued
If you are just tuning in now, you might want to start at the first Christmas Eve 2007 post. It will explain what's going on here. Well, it might not explain, but it is the beginning.
12:08 PM -
I am still watching The Closer. Zach landed in Phoenix, and by now, is likely at my parents' house. How nice for all of them. I'm not bitter. Yeah, I am. I have thus far eaten two bowls of ramen and part of a Mexican-style frozen pizza. Reading this back to myself now, it's no wonder those pounds are packing themselves on. Additionally, I might have the most boring life in the world. I mean just judging by what I've written on here lately. It's like, wow. Lame. I also have noticed that I am really emotional right now. For example, I've been tearing up and almost to the point of crying over a couple of scenes of the Closer and it's not even sad parts. Also a commercial featuring Lisa Ling in which she told me about these girl scouts who's mothers are in jail. I pretty much started crying when I heard that.
I have also done some chores. For example, I did all the dishes. I cleaned up the floors. I picked up the living room. I made some iced tea. The poor iced tea maker. Zach said that he told it that it was going on vacation to a spa (because I was supposed to go to AZ yesterday, so it would be getting break). He figured that by the time the tea maker realized that we lied to it, we'd be gone. The tea maker is likely pretty angry that it was lied to, but it produced a nice batch of tea anyway. I've also brought in the trash, put my car insurance in the mail and looked on the internet for many random things. I found the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Adventure game. I can't remember how to get too far, but I guess I've really got nothing but time on my hands, literally.
12:08 PM -
I am still watching The Closer. Zach landed in Phoenix, and by now, is likely at my parents' house. How nice for all of them. I'm not bitter. Yeah, I am. I have thus far eaten two bowls of ramen and part of a Mexican-style frozen pizza. Reading this back to myself now, it's no wonder those pounds are packing themselves on. Additionally, I might have the most boring life in the world. I mean just judging by what I've written on here lately. It's like, wow. Lame. I also have noticed that I am really emotional right now. For example, I've been tearing up and almost to the point of crying over a couple of scenes of the Closer and it's not even sad parts. Also a commercial featuring Lisa Ling in which she told me about these girl scouts who's mothers are in jail. I pretty much started crying when I heard that.
I have also done some chores. For example, I did all the dishes. I cleaned up the floors. I picked up the living room. I made some iced tea. The poor iced tea maker. Zach said that he told it that it was going on vacation to a spa (because I was supposed to go to AZ yesterday, so it would be getting break). He figured that by the time the tea maker realized that we lied to it, we'd be gone. The tea maker is likely pretty angry that it was lied to, but it produced a nice batch of tea anyway. I've also brought in the trash, put my car insurance in the mail and looked on the internet for many random things. I found the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Adventure game. I can't remember how to get too far, but I guess I've really got nothing but time on my hands, literally.
Christmas Eve 2007
I figured out a way to really increase my posting. I'm going to post updates about my day today (and tomorrow...and if that damn plane doesn't take off tomorrow maybe the next day too). I figure everyone is dying to know what it is I am up to as I sit alone in my house while everyone else is enjoying the holiday with friends and family. Even Zach is close to being with a family. My family, but still (not that being with my family isn't great- it is).
4:58 AM -
I woke up today at 2:17 AM. I went to sleep about 10:35 PM last night. I slept pretty fitfully. Napped really. Until about 2:17 AM. I checked the internet for Zach's flight information. Of course his flight is on time and ready to go. I get Zach up at about 2:25 or so. Why am I so obsessed with the actual timing? I'm not sure. Just roll with it. He took a shower and I started getting things ready. I warmed up the car at 3 AM and we left at 3:10 AM. I drove. In the snow. The roads around here are not good. Apparently Iowa doesn't have much of a budget for plowing or safety in general.
9:25 AM -
Ok, I went to sleep at about 7 something. I just kinda thought I wasn't making any sense on that last entry, so I stopped. But after 2 phone calls from Zach and one from my mom, I've given up on the dream of sleeping. Whatever. Point being, Zach's on the plane now to AZ. He'll be there in about an hour. I'm at home. I've eaten two bowls of ramen at this point and I am watching the Closer. Just so you know, driving through the snow sucked. There were numerous cars in ditches and one on its side as well. It wasn't that bad today, but it was very scary for me. I did well. I feel pretty good about my driving ability. But I feel pretty hateful toward the state of Iowa. I find it so hard to believe that they can't plow the roads to the Eastern Iowa Airport better than they did. It's an airport supporting EASTERN IOWA. Do they think that no one is going to use it around Christmas? Do they? Interestingly enough, just in case you were wondering, we're at Threat Level Orange. I'm not sure at all what that means, but I saw it on a sign at the airport and I wanted you all to know. Be safe. We are potentially under attack from citrus.
4:58 AM -
I woke up today at 2:17 AM. I went to sleep about 10:35 PM last night. I slept pretty fitfully. Napped really. Until about 2:17 AM. I checked the internet for Zach's flight information. Of course his flight is on time and ready to go. I get Zach up at about 2:25 or so. Why am I so obsessed with the actual timing? I'm not sure. Just roll with it. He took a shower and I started getting things ready. I warmed up the car at 3 AM and we left at 3:10 AM. I drove. In the snow. The roads around here are not good. Apparently Iowa doesn't have much of a budget for plowing or safety in general.
9:25 AM -
Ok, I went to sleep at about 7 something. I just kinda thought I wasn't making any sense on that last entry, so I stopped. But after 2 phone calls from Zach and one from my mom, I've given up on the dream of sleeping. Whatever. Point being, Zach's on the plane now to AZ. He'll be there in about an hour. I'm at home. I've eaten two bowls of ramen at this point and I am watching the Closer. Just so you know, driving through the snow sucked. There were numerous cars in ditches and one on its side as well. It wasn't that bad today, but it was very scary for me. I did well. I feel pretty good about my driving ability. But I feel pretty hateful toward the state of Iowa. I find it so hard to believe that they can't plow the roads to the Eastern Iowa Airport better than they did. It's an airport supporting EASTERN IOWA. Do they think that no one is going to use it around Christmas? Do they? Interestingly enough, just in case you were wondering, we're at Threat Level Orange. I'm not sure at all what that means, but I saw it on a sign at the airport and I wanted you all to know. Be safe. We are potentially under attack from citrus.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Delayed, Dejected, Depressed, Desgusted, De-Really? Really?
So. Today I was supposed to be winging my way to sunny Arizona. Or cloudy Arizona, whatever. I will take what I can get because it's gotta be better than snow, wind and the general crappiness that exists here in Iowa. But alas, I'm not doing that. I'm not sitting on the cramped plane with clenched fists and closed eyes repeating the mantra, "I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful."* No, I'm sitting in my bedroom. Posting a blog entry. A very cranky blog entry. I've changed pants 3 times today, but they always end up being my cranky pants.
Why am I not on the plane now? Well, supposedly weather. I think more likely the airlines have been backed up for a couple days now and they are just saying it's weather so that they can take the people who have been waiting longer to their destinations and anger a fresh batch of people. I won't be going home until Christmas...maybe. I have a flight out at 1:05 PM on Christmas which may or may not then get me to my parents' house by 6:05 PM. I'm betting not, but I guess you never really know.
The really fun aspect? Zach's flight tomorrow is supposedly going to be just fine. So he'll be in AZ tomorrow morning at 9:20 AM. With my family. Which I suppose is great for him and all...except that I'm not there. I'm here. I suppose it would be more awkward if they had only met him once, but I suppose they all know each other pretty well.
I am not happy. I suppose I should just accept it and all, but I'm not much in the mood for that. I am apparently in the mood to pack on some last minute pounds that will allow me to be even more embarrassed to see all the people I haven't seen in a year. Oh yeah, I do look great, as in huge. As in imposing. Monolithic. Ginormous.
I really wanted the "getting back into posting" post to be a lot more entertaining than this. But that's why I haven't been writing. All I can do is complain. At least 2007 is almost over. Perhaps 2008 is going to be my year. Yes! I think 2008 will be my year. We will all refer to it as "The Year of Our Rose, 2008". So has it been written, so shall it be done.
* 10 points to anyone who can tell me what movie that's from.
Why am I not on the plane now? Well, supposedly weather. I think more likely the airlines have been backed up for a couple days now and they are just saying it's weather so that they can take the people who have been waiting longer to their destinations and anger a fresh batch of people. I won't be going home until Christmas...maybe. I have a flight out at 1:05 PM on Christmas which may or may not then get me to my parents' house by 6:05 PM. I'm betting not, but I guess you never really know.
The really fun aspect? Zach's flight tomorrow is supposedly going to be just fine. So he'll be in AZ tomorrow morning at 9:20 AM. With my family. Which I suppose is great for him and all...except that I'm not there. I'm here. I suppose it would be more awkward if they had only met him once, but I suppose they all know each other pretty well.
I am not happy. I suppose I should just accept it and all, but I'm not much in the mood for that. I am apparently in the mood to pack on some last minute pounds that will allow me to be even more embarrassed to see all the people I haven't seen in a year. Oh yeah, I do look great, as in huge. As in imposing. Monolithic. Ginormous.
I really wanted the "getting back into posting" post to be a lot more entertaining than this. But that's why I haven't been writing. All I can do is complain. At least 2007 is almost over. Perhaps 2008 is going to be my year. Yes! I think 2008 will be my year. We will all refer to it as "The Year of Our Rose, 2008". So has it been written, so shall it be done.
* 10 points to anyone who can tell me what movie that's from.
Friday, November 30, 2007
And we're back...
Hard to believe it has been so long since my last post. Well, actually it's not that hard to believe. But you know what is hard to believe? My blog is apparently written so that you need a Junior High School education to understand it (according to this website: http://www.criticsrant.com/bb/reading_level.aspx). That's all. I'm not saying that I'm writing at a Mensa level here, but really? Only Junior High? How old are you in Junior High? 12? I'm sort of depressed now.
I'm posting some pictures now to detract from my lack of "wordiness" and posting. Then I'm going to try to get back into the whole "posting more often thing". Is it the liberal use of scare quotes? Is that what's dumbing down this blog? Is it?!?
This is a picture of some sweet birds that I saw in Long Beach. Apparently while in Long Beach I had the shakes...and no desire to take pictures. Of the 8 pictures that I took, these first 3 are the only ones that weren't blurry. I also apparently love water and birds.
This is the back of our hotel. There was a lagoon in a park bordering the hotel. My room is the 2nd one on the first floor there. Can you see it?
Check out this duck. I think it's a cormorant of some sort. It's pretty.
We went to Thanksgiving right after my trip to Long Beach. I'll explain all this later. I'm too tired and my face hurts right now...and as evidenced in this picture, I bet my face is hurting you too. That's me and Grandma. We were decorating Gingerbread things.
Here's our Gingerbread Train. Zach, Grandma and I decorated it.
Here's our Gingerbread House. We are all so creative and awesome.
Hope you loved the pictures. I'm going to get right back up on that horse and start posting again, but not right now.
I'm posting some pictures now to detract from my lack of "wordiness" and posting. Then I'm going to try to get back into the whole "posting more often thing". Is it the liberal use of scare quotes? Is that what's dumbing down this blog? Is it?!?
This is a picture of some sweet birds that I saw in Long Beach. Apparently while in Long Beach I had the shakes...and no desire to take pictures. Of the 8 pictures that I took, these first 3 are the only ones that weren't blurry. I also apparently love water and birds. 
This is the back of our hotel. There was a lagoon in a park bordering the hotel. My room is the 2nd one on the first floor there. Can you see it?
Check out this duck. I think it's a cormorant of some sort. It's pretty.
We went to Thanksgiving right after my trip to Long Beach. I'll explain all this later. I'm too tired and my face hurts right now...and as evidenced in this picture, I bet my face is hurting you too. That's me and Grandma. We were decorating Gingerbread things.
Here's our Gingerbread Train. Zach, Grandma and I decorated it.
Here's our Gingerbread House. We are all so creative and awesome.Hope you loved the pictures. I'm going to get right back up on that horse and start posting again, but not right now.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Guest Blog #1
I'm about to go to bed so that I can get up really early and leave for the trip. Enjoy the recent posts and this guest post from my ex-con friend:
Freedom. Liberty. Deliverance. Independence. And ultimately, atonement. The day has finally come, rather it came. As of 5/10/07 9:29 AM I reentered society. Though not altogether rehabilitated; prison space is at a premium and they let me out a little early. For once the retarded drug laws in this country have done some good – got me out of prison!
What suckers! I only spent 2 years of a 6 year sentence. It helps that I have a personal attorney to help with legal loop holes and a probation hearing a year ahead of schedule. Though trust me I'm the last guy who should be in jail. I was innocent… in a way.
Four years ago I became interested in politics because of how much money there is to be made. Rich people really like to spend a lot of their money to protect the money they have. I can't really blame them. Who wants the government spending your money? But I digress, being the perpetual entrepreneur I am I took up in the business of politics.
To my chagrin and somewhat astonishment, not many people agreed with me and my political ideals. The democrats seem like they mean well, but they fail to act with a spine and have a propensity to fuck things up (Dukakis '88 anyone? Wow, what a bunch of bumblefucks!). The republicans don't seem to mean as well, between wacko fundamentalists and war hawks, but the original ideals they supposedly adhere to I like. So there I was: a would be politician without a political party.
If necessity is the mother of invention then desperation is its pathetic uncle; and desperate times called for disparaging measures, I think Dawkins said that.
I don't know too much about the world and in particular the political world, but that doesn't seem to stop these politicians from getting involved in politics – some argue it encourages them. I saw a PBS special on how Political Action Committees (PACs) work and quickly realized that there is money in dem' deer hills.
I started a PAC to raise funds to support candidates and causes I like. Simple idea: separate people from their money and then redistribute their money to more worthy causes.
"Save the Bullmoose Foundation" was my pride and joy for the next few years. I developed a pitch and it went a little something like this:
"Save the Bullmoose Foundation is a 501c3 organization dedicated to saving one of the most majestic creatures in all of North America. Once the Bullmoose roamed over the entire continent of America. However, due to the shrinking of their habitat, viable food sources, and adequate drinking water their numbers have dropped dramatically. It is only with your help that we can save the Bullmoose."
That statement is 100%, categorically, and historically accurate. It might be a little misleading to an aging ill informed baby boomer who wants his/hers dollars to go to lobbying Congress to save this uniquely American animal – but I argue the onus is on them for being stupid. The Bullmoose isn't an animal per se, it is a PAC technically, and a political party conceptually – but it is a political "animal". You know like pachyderms and jackasses.
I stole the idea from Teddy Roosevelt. He left the republican party and refused to join the democrats so he started the short lived Bullmoose party. It was conservative with a dash of progressivism. American politics more a la carte, if you will. The Bullmoose represents the original ideas of American society: personal liberty, social justice, equality, and accountability. So when I told people the Bullmoose was a nearly extinct animal, I wasn't lying! Look at Washington D.C. or the freak show in the state legislature (Russell Pierce, I'm looking in your direction) - no Bullmeese, or Bullmooses, or whatever it is.
Everything was going swimmingly. I was making money (a not-so-modest percentage out of every donation – with a progressive sharing formula), giving to political causes I really believed in (medicinal herbals anyone?) and making a difference in my community. Swimmingly that is, until Johnny "I'll fuck your mother and make you watch" Law got involved.
Apparently, what I deemed true was deemed a felony by the "man." I still contend that I delivered on my promises to donors and had the donors taken the time to read the fine print they would have agreed with me. It was a metaphor! Come on! After a long and truly unjust trial I was sentenced to 6 years at a Safford Federal Correctional Institution.
But that was the past. I'm living in the now, now. I'll recant stories from prison in other blogs. There are some fun and not-so-fun but grossly intriguing stories from my 2 years in Safford. I don't want to dwell on it, it was a dark time in my life, the windows were small in my cell and it faced north.
The past doesn't matter, I am moving forward with life and despite the sneaking suspicion that I'm going forward in circles, I am making great progress.
I got a new job, a few new girls, a band, and the desire to continue to do what my ancestors have been doing for centuries: fuck, eat, and laugh.
*Dictated not read [I have no idea who he "dictated" this to, I just typed what was written. Any mistakes are his, I think they add to the street cred.]
Freedom. Liberty. Deliverance. Independence. And ultimately, atonement. The day has finally come, rather it came. As of 5/10/07 9:29 AM I reentered society. Though not altogether rehabilitated; prison space is at a premium and they let me out a little early. For once the retarded drug laws in this country have done some good – got me out of prison!
What suckers! I only spent 2 years of a 6 year sentence. It helps that I have a personal attorney to help with legal loop holes and a probation hearing a year ahead of schedule. Though trust me I'm the last guy who should be in jail. I was innocent… in a way.
Four years ago I became interested in politics because of how much money there is to be made. Rich people really like to spend a lot of their money to protect the money they have. I can't really blame them. Who wants the government spending your money? But I digress, being the perpetual entrepreneur I am I took up in the business of politics.
To my chagrin and somewhat astonishment, not many people agreed with me and my political ideals. The democrats seem like they mean well, but they fail to act with a spine and have a propensity to fuck things up (Dukakis '88 anyone? Wow, what a bunch of bumblefucks!). The republicans don't seem to mean as well, between wacko fundamentalists and war hawks, but the original ideals they supposedly adhere to I like. So there I was: a would be politician without a political party.
If necessity is the mother of invention then desperation is its pathetic uncle; and desperate times called for disparaging measures, I think Dawkins said that.
I don't know too much about the world and in particular the political world, but that doesn't seem to stop these politicians from getting involved in politics – some argue it encourages them. I saw a PBS special on how Political Action Committees (PACs) work and quickly realized that there is money in dem' deer hills.
I started a PAC to raise funds to support candidates and causes I like. Simple idea: separate people from their money and then redistribute their money to more worthy causes.
"Save the Bullmoose Foundation" was my pride and joy for the next few years. I developed a pitch and it went a little something like this:
"Save the Bullmoose Foundation is a 501c3 organization dedicated to saving one of the most majestic creatures in all of North America. Once the Bullmoose roamed over the entire continent of America. However, due to the shrinking of their habitat, viable food sources, and adequate drinking water their numbers have dropped dramatically. It is only with your help that we can save the Bullmoose."
That statement is 100%, categorically, and historically accurate. It might be a little misleading to an aging ill informed baby boomer who wants his/hers dollars to go to lobbying Congress to save this uniquely American animal – but I argue the onus is on them for being stupid. The Bullmoose isn't an animal per se, it is a PAC technically, and a political party conceptually – but it is a political "animal". You know like pachyderms and jackasses.
I stole the idea from Teddy Roosevelt. He left the republican party and refused to join the democrats so he started the short lived Bullmoose party. It was conservative with a dash of progressivism. American politics more a la carte, if you will. The Bullmoose represents the original ideas of American society: personal liberty, social justice, equality, and accountability. So when I told people the Bullmoose was a nearly extinct animal, I wasn't lying! Look at Washington D.C. or the freak show in the state legislature (Russell Pierce, I'm looking in your direction) - no Bullmeese, or Bullmooses, or whatever it is.
Everything was going swimmingly. I was making money (a not-so-modest percentage out of every donation – with a progressive sharing formula), giving to political causes I really believed in (medicinal herbals anyone?) and making a difference in my community. Swimmingly that is, until Johnny "I'll fuck your mother and make you watch" Law got involved.
Apparently, what I deemed true was deemed a felony by the "man." I still contend that I delivered on my promises to donors and had the donors taken the time to read the fine print they would have agreed with me. It was a metaphor! Come on! After a long and truly unjust trial I was sentenced to 6 years at a Safford Federal Correctional Institution.
But that was the past. I'm living in the now, now. I'll recant stories from prison in other blogs. There are some fun and not-so-fun but grossly intriguing stories from my 2 years in Safford. I don't want to dwell on it, it was a dark time in my life, the windows were small in my cell and it faced north.
The past doesn't matter, I am moving forward with life and despite the sneaking suspicion that I'm going forward in circles, I am making great progress.
I got a new job, a few new girls, a band, and the desire to continue to do what my ancestors have been doing for centuries: fuck, eat, and laugh.
*Dictated not read [I have no idea who he "dictated" this to, I just typed what was written. Any mistakes are his, I think they add to the street cred.]
Phoning it in
I've really been phoning it in lately. If that term hasn't appeared on Jesse's blog it certainly should. I'm not going to bother to explain. I just find that I'm out of sorts a lot lately. By that I think I mean that I haven't really wanted to work in a long time. I mean, I go (sometimes) and I do things (sometimes), but I'm not the work horse that I once was. I think it's because I've reached a place where I'm not really digging what I'm doing. I call that place Iowa. I will say no more about it here for fear of the word getting out. The internet grapevine is strong. Plus, it's not really that bad, I just like to exaggerate for attention. I'm a bit of a drama queen in case you haven't noticed. Although, wow, just wow, if you haven't noticed.
Speaking of the internet, if anyone else is watching television lately, what is the deal with all of the shows having weird video games that killers are taking for reality? That's always been surprising to me, the number of shows or movies that will come out at the same time and have the same theme. What is the deal with that? (Did you use the Jerry Seinfeld voice to read that last sentence? If not, go back and do it again.)
Speaking of random transitions between ideas, here's one. I'm writing this post a couple days before posting it. I'm trying to cover all the bases before I leave for my conference on Wednesday (the 14th). I'll be gone until Sunday (the 18th) during which time I will miss Zach's birthday. I miss his birthday every year because of this conference. I have a paper to write, I need to practice what I'm going to say for my poster (which I am presenting at the conference), I need to figure out my comps topics and reading list and make appointments with people, I have to pack, print handouts, buy groceries - in short I have a lot to do. How am I tackling both the bevy of personal as well as professional tasks with which I am faced? I'm writing inane blog entries. That's my solution. That and listing everything I have to do about 5 different ways, just to make sure, you know, I really know what I have to do. I'm not doing it, but I've got it organized and planned really nicely. That should really count for something.
Speaking of the internet, if anyone else is watching television lately, what is the deal with all of the shows having weird video games that killers are taking for reality? That's always been surprising to me, the number of shows or movies that will come out at the same time and have the same theme. What is the deal with that? (Did you use the Jerry Seinfeld voice to read that last sentence? If not, go back and do it again.)
Speaking of random transitions between ideas, here's one. I'm writing this post a couple days before posting it. I'm trying to cover all the bases before I leave for my conference on Wednesday (the 14th). I'll be gone until Sunday (the 18th) during which time I will miss Zach's birthday. I miss his birthday every year because of this conference. I have a paper to write, I need to practice what I'm going to say for my poster (which I am presenting at the conference), I need to figure out my comps topics and reading list and make appointments with people, I have to pack, print handouts, buy groceries - in short I have a lot to do. How am I tackling both the bevy of personal as well as professional tasks with which I am faced? I'm writing inane blog entries. That's my solution. That and listing everything I have to do about 5 different ways, just to make sure, you know, I really know what I have to do. I'm not doing it, but I've got it organized and planned really nicely. That should really count for something.
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